Life is not linear. Sometimes we go forward, sometimes back.. sometimes it’s just a big clusterfuck of spiral. That is where I feel like I’m at right now. Just a series of spirals. Eben now as I’m walking down this familiar road smelling the jasmine, listening to the sound of the bayou, my soul won’t release its hold on that circular wave that holds me in its grip.
Soon that familiar little bar comes into view and I hear the music spilling out. My soul takes a peek over the wall and takes a breath in. I’d forgotten just how much this feeds me and holds me close. I make my way to the back and sit at a table in the corner where I can watch the door, all of the people and just let my soul breathe. Soon enough a glad is placed in front of me as a deep voice speaks, “If you hadn’t shown this week I was coming to find you”. I look up at those dark eyes looking down at me as he sits next to me, and wonder just how mad he is at me for hiding from him and everyone else. “I’m not mad Amoreaux. Disappointed, yes, sad, also yes, but never angry. “. But I ghosted everyone, I whisper. “You hurt. The pain feels too great. Like you’ve always done, you hold it deep and it scars your soul”. The tears fall silently and I feel an arm come around me. “Let it go Amoreaux. Release that pain and I’ll wait”. Soon the tears let up and my face is gently washed. “Drink”, comes the order. So I do. Damn! That fire goes all the way down, but man does it feel good. I look up and grin at him. Trying to kill me? He laughs and tells me that even if he did, we’d see each other next life. That’s a sobering thought. Would I want a next life, considering all the pain in the previous ones? “Pain helps us grow Amoreaux. You hold onto yours more than most, but it makes you strong”. I don’t feel strong. I feel like I’m.. we’ll I’m not sure what I feel like I am. Not strong though. If that’s what others see when they look at me, then I guess I put on a good public face. We sit and talk and drink, because yeah, who drinks just one with my friend?. Soon it’s time to go and he walks me home. “See you soon Amoreaux”he says as he kisses my forehead. Then he leaves and I finally fall into the most restful sleep I’ve had in awhile. Upon waking this morning, I’ve decided that delving back into some studies and reconnecting with who I am and those who’ve always loved me will strengthen me.
Deuces