yall ever get caught up in praying of others? That when it hits, it triggers shit you’ve pushed so far under the carpet you forgot it existed? That happened this past week. A post on fb about something and a friend who I’ve known for a bit said they would support that, even you. Someone like me physically? Like me mentally? Someone disrespected? I’ve sat here unpacking that phrase. First because I hadn’t a clue there was an”even you” category between myself and this person. Second because it triggered all that lack of self worth that contributed to self harm. I asked my therapist today what do I do with this in my lap? She knows confrontation and interaction on tough things trigger the anxiety(hell I have to take meds to do the tele therapy), but she still tells me perhaps I should ask this person what they meant by that phrase. Was it a slur? Was it unintentionally said or of context? Was I hearing something not said? Idk. What I do know is that it’s taking up too much space in my head. It’s causing me to second guess where I’m standing. Is there solid ground under those waves? Do I need to call in life preservers(yall know who you are). How do I unpack this without disrupting someone else’s harmony? I know realistically I’m not responsible for their place, but it’s always been my nature brought by conditioning to help the others, even at the same of myself. I’m still working on this phrase. It’s probably not going to fix itself anytime soon.. but at least I’m putting it out into the universe instead of allowing it to pull me under. That’s a positive for today… and I’m take that as a small win.