I’ve been doing some thinking lately..(I know for those of you who read this often and know me personally..that can be a scary thing). The thinking and dreams have me in a introspective mood. I watch others having conversations and feel like I am a ghost of myself just observing..even if I may take part. Kind of plays on ones insecurities at times..”would they notice if I never showed up”… We all have those moments where we have to stop and take stock of where we are, what we’re doing and where the hell to go from here. I am not a fan of this mood actually because it makes me rethink EVERYTHING in my life from family, friends, spirituality. It’s not that it doesn’t need done, but that its hard work dammit! Some relationships that seem horribly mangled, one wonders how we will ever untangle them, to make them work again, others we want to walk away from and yet seem unable to take that first step. And what of the path? I’ve been lazy..I know that..I thought that I was ‘fine” with the status quo, but like our physical bodies, one must exercise the spiritual life as well to keep it in shape. So how to “fix” that? I guess it starts with..what exactly do I hope to gain from it? Do I want to feel more at peace in my daily walk?..if so, then I need to fix the meditation schedule and work from within. Do I want to add more knowledge? then I better start listening to what goes on around me and culling those with nothing to offer, and doing some more reading in the direction I wish to go. Sometimes its hard to look in the mirror and decide its time for a change. We are so used to being where we are that we get stuck in that rut and fear keeps us from moving forward. FEAR!!! What is so scary about tweaking things a bit? Oh yeah..the “unknown” aspect of it all. And yet, we can’t use that as an excuse to remain ignorant and lazy in our lives. And it can really suck when we have people around us in the same mood(yeah we shop at the same place,lol)..But I like to think that we are often growing together, not necessarily in the same direction, but that the ability to express who we are to someone who understands makes the difference some times. So..what to do? Deal with things best we can, keep seeking, keep talking to those who will listen, and above all, don’t be too hard on ourselves because we are human after all, and sometimes we just don’t get it right the first time.