What am I doing?

I find myself sorting things out.  A friend’s dream has me disturbed, and I’m trying to see how it relates to me.  Crazy I know, so I head to where I always go to see if I can find answers.  Off to the swamp and those who keep me on the straight and narrow.  although I can pop in and out at will these days, I take the pirogi and let myself drift through the place that has claimed my soul, appreciating its beauty even in the winter season.  It makes me smile a little to think that in the mundane I have never lived there, and yet, it still speaks my name as if we are old friends.  I arrive at the cabin and the huge black dog that is usually by the fire greets me, sniffing me as if to reassure himself that I am the same Shae that has always come.  Satisfied, he moves aside.  “Strange”, I think to myself.  “I’ve been expecting you, cher”, says Maman as she tosses some more herbs into the giant pot that always seems to be bubbling.  “I took the long way”, I tell her.  She nods.  “Did it help you feel more settled?”, she asks me.  “Some”, I say.  “maman, I need to spin something with you.  A friend dreamed, horrific dream of mangled children, blood…she was so distraught, and yet she says that Brin came to her and that I sent her”.  “Why would I send Brin?”I believe that I sent her because she would not have felt so at peace and able to sleep afterwards, but why would I send MY protection?” Maman looks at me.  “You protect those you love, even if they do not know it.  You allow yourself to be placed in the open so that they may be safe.  You need to start shutting some doors”.  “I walk with the ghede, doors are always open,”I tell her.  Maman chuckles. “You ARE ghede, doors can be closed.”.  “You have placed yourself at risk, the pulls on you are making you ill, even if you will not admit it.  You do as is requested from all of us, and sometimes we forget that as you are, you still walk among the flesh, and have limits, but you refuse to admit that to yourself”.   “I am just tired, “I tell her.  She smiles.  “Brin is yours, she always has been.  You sent her because she was available, and yet she never leaves you unprotected, she does as you ask because of her love for you, as you do for others”.  “It disturbs you because you have never felt the need to do so before.” I agree.  “I’m just having trouble wrapping my head around why I did so now”.  Maman begins,”The dream was of children, your friend loves them.  You have always loved them, the mother to all, as it was before, is now and will be again even if you jokingly say your next life plan you will direct it to not be so”, she laughs.  “The dream bled over into all aspects of her life and it frightened her so badly that she called on the only one that she knew was capable of helping her find her way out-you”.  “Because of that love, you sent the one who could calm her fears, and protect her and allow her to rest so that she can take care of those who depend on her”.  “l’amour d’un ami surmonte la peur”. I nod.  “I am so used to Brin beside me that I was shocked that I would think do such as thing”.  “You did not think Cher”, says Maman.  “You knew the fear and pain, and just did what was to be done, as you always have done, even at the expense of yourself”.  “You did not consider that you might be unprotected, even though Brin would not do that ever, but not once did you consider yourself at helping someone”.  I hear the mild rebuke, and smile a little ruefully.  “I know that sometimes ya’ll are frustrated when I do that”, I begin,”but I have always given everything to those I gather to me like kindred, even if they do not practice nor believe as I do”.  Maman  chuckles”frustration is not the word I would have chosen Cher, but yes…we do shake the head at times.  The way you live and walk this path is what makes you the witch you are.  You give everything.  It’s why even in the midst of the risks you take, those who might harm have to give respect, albeit grudgingly “.  “I’ve always felt its best to respect your enemies, for sometimes they can become your allies”, I laugh.  I sit back in the rocker and let the herbs waft over me , filling my spirit once again,with peace, energy and renewed purpose.  For what exactly, I’m not sure, even Maman cannot tell me everything.  I feel Brin hold me close and begin to sing as I drift off, I tell her “thank you Brin..for being”.  Being what you might ask..not sure of that either.  She is the protection I have always known, the unwavering peace and love.  So being is enough…for both of us I guess.

DEUCES