RECURRING DREAM

I have a recurring dream..I’ve had it for as long as I can remember.  It is always of a hoodoo woman in the swamps named Maman Celeste’.  She is a small woman, barely standing 5 foot tall, and her lithe body is often dressed in a colorful skirt that barely covers her bare feet.  Her cinnamon colored skin is perfumed by the herbs she uses and around her neck are some of the most colorful beads/shells I have ever seen.  Her dark eyes seem to peer into my soul as if she can see every emotion that has ever been wrought in my life or ever will be.  I have never been afraid to come to her place in the swamp, the small hut sitting above the water as if it is there by magic, the spanish moss hanging from the trees as if they were pulled from the mists of Avalon.  Smoke from her fire draws me in , filling me with its warmth and allowing me to relax.  Sometimes I find myself coming in on a boat, low slung canoe like that the trappers use, but this night I just appeared at her door.  “Come child”, Maman instructs me.  “For you have journeyed long”.  I do not know if this is indeed a long journey here or if I am just deeper in sleep, but I never have questioned Maman, nor will I, so I do as she bids me.  As I enter the hut, Jacques, the oldest, blackest, hugest dog one would ever meet raises his head to peer at the company.  Seeing that it is I, he lays his head back down and closes his eyes.  “It has been awhile Cher” says Maman.  I agree that it has been at least a year since I have been here, and I guess I am wondering why it is that I have chosen now to come.  I have been stressed from family issues, working too hard to keep things afloat and have made myself sick in the process by not staying shielded enough, and usually when I come to this place of sanctuary..and yeah, it does feel that way for me…I am gathering for a big working and need her guidance.  I rarely work when I am sick unless there is an emergency or its required by my guides(and I do consider Maman one to be sure).  “You are here because I have things to show you” she says.  “you have been walking around hiding the things you know..you let others speak.”  I do this I know..I rarely tell people what I have gathered into my path, that this form of folk magic was passed to me by my Gran who was taught by hers…I don’t expect others to understand it, nor care if they feel it has no place in a pagan path…It’s part of who I am, what I do.  I still have much to learn about the ancestors though  and tell her this.  “So…how do you want to acquire that knowledge?” Maman asks me.  I have no idea..probably why I sit back and watch…that too is part of who I am, a habit cultivated from living life as I did growing up.  “I will tell you something”, she says.  “I think that if you would stop fighting with who you are meant to be, things would come a lot more easily”.  I agree..but sometimes life in society causes me to assume some sort of secret identity , like a clark kent/superman kind of thing, because I fear that if I were to walk more openly, things could get really crazy in my life.  So I set a boundary up..one I have yet to cross.  So what to do?  Will I have to cross that line in order for me to gain the knowledge that I seek?  “Not yet”, I am told..but “soon”..I’m more than a little relieved that I don’t have to move out of this comfort zone I am in, but the soon remains in the back of my head.  Not an idle word to be sure.  Maman Celeste goes to a chest and brings back a box for me to open..It is just a small wooden thing that looks so old, I am almost sure that it will fall apart in my hands if I remove the lid, but I open it at her insistence and there on a small piece of parchment is the answer I was seeking in my books.  I look up in amazement, although I should know not to be surprised by anything I receive here.  She laughs at my face…”You just needed to ask the right person in the correct manner, Cher”…I shake my head and laugh at myself a little more than ruefully, for she is right.  I should know by now that asking the right questions to the right person in the most respectful manner will always give the right direction.  I take my answer and put it in my right pocket and close the small box and hand it back to Maman.  It’s almost like a feeling of relief has washed over me and I lean back in my chair and close my eyes.  I hadn’t realized until now that it was worrying me that much.  “Rest child”, Maman’s voice comes from behind me.  I feel her hands touch my forehead lightly as if she were anointing me , touching me with lightly perfumed fingertips.  I sigh with contentment, allowing myself to fall deeper into rest, enveloped into the warmth and safety of the peace that I have only been able to find here in this place.  I awoke in the dawn with a smile on my face, for not only did I receive the information I was seeking, but received the rest I needed to get well.  I know that eventually I will have to ask the questions of what next, and do I step across the line permanently or can I travel back and forth..things that I know Maman Celeste’ knows but will not tell me …yet.  She will wait to see what I have done with this new piece of the puzzle, and where it leads me.  For a change, I am not worried…maybe I am growing….maybe I have decided to live life instead of existing, looking for problems where none exist.  I am amused.