Visions of Gray

It’s gray. Everywhere I turn to look, I see the same color.  Not just gray..various shades of it. Dark,light, gray. Even the rock I sit on is gray. A soft whitish form,but still gray. It feels as if I have been pulled into a cloud of fog because there is no definitive shadow. Just where is this place and why am I here I wonder to myself. The stillness of the grey is peaceful, so I pull my cloak closer and sit on the rock with my eyes staring into the nothingness of fog like surroundings and enjoy the respite of what is normally a busy time for me.

“What do you seek Girl”? comes a voice from behind. “I wasn’t aware that I was”, I answered without turning around. I heard a chuckle. “She did say you would be direct”, Ke said.I never turned around but wondered to myself just which “she” had spoken of me and what had I gotten myself into this time.”Everyone seeks Girl”, says the voice again…”what is it you seek?” “I wasn’t aware that I was at the moment”,I said. “But I will accept that you say that I am”. I hear a laugh again.  It reminds me of crystal chimes twinkling on the breeze..clear and melodic and fits well with the grayness of the scene around me. “You do not turn around.  why is that”? Ke asks.  This time it is I who laughs.  “I do not turn around because when I do, I will have to acknowledge who or what you are and I am not sure I am ready for that yet”.We both laugh then and Ke agrees that I was correct in that assessment. I ponder the question presented to me and wonder if there is something within that I truly seek. I sometimes wish for things I have in the elsewhere would materialize in the mundane..sanctuary, acceptance, knowledge..but is there something I seek in the Elsewhere? That would take some shadow work I think, and maybe a trip to the swamp to spin this with those who know me better than I know myself. “I am sorry  if I am wasting your time”, I tell the voice. “But I seriously have no idea just what is is that I seek…I do feel the hollow that feels as if a piece is missing, but have not sufficiently searched myself to know what should reside there”.  This time there was no laughing, but a genuine sympathy within the voice. “I understand your dilemma”, ke says to me. “Go and speak with those you choose to speak with and when you are ready, come back and we will discuss it”. I agree and only then do I turn to face the voice.
I will not describe that I saw, because as I told Kir, to do so would be to accept, and I am not sure I can do so at this time. I will say that which I saw was and was not a surprise really. And today that is making me laugh a little to myself as I get ready to do some seeking.