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Yesterday I was just thinking things through, so went rummaging through my drawers in a little chest I have.  I opened first one, then another, smelling the oils and salts that I have stored there.  In the bottom drawer is where I keep my threads..Nothing major, embroidery skeins of various hues and colors.  I use the threads for various things.. like workings, making poppets.  So I was feeling restless, and when I reached for the threads, they seemed to just pull me in.  I stroked them, sorted them, then began to pull out some I wanted to work with.  A few friends like my dolls so I am making them one.  I chose threads that I feel they will like…feel comfortable with.  As I began to wind the thread around the small piece of wood I use for arms and legs, now worn smooth from its use, I found myself humming.  it took me a minute to realize the song that had been springing forth.  It is the same tune that Brin, my guide sings to me as she soothes my spirit.  I don’t know the words, let alone the language, but do know that it speaks to my soul as nothing else does.  I find myself smiling.  Yeah, this feels so right.  I find myself wondering what took me so long?  I’m not sure…maybe I thought I was too busy doing what has to be done.  But this was long overdue.  While I was working, humming, smiling, our resident princess came to investigate what I was up to.  She peered over my shoulder and says..”I want one Nana”.  I will make you one I assure her.  Hers will be pink of course because as a girly girl, that is her color.  I make arms, legs, heads…and find that I have need of some other materials, so today while Brae had her dentist appointment, she convinced her mom to go by the craft store and pick them up for me..After all, she gets her own poppet, right? I usually embroider the faces, or use pins for eyes, but today Brae has added her own twist..she got her mom to buy colored eyes, “because the dolls need to see”.  I’m loving it. So as I begin again , crafting, working…I am sharing with others that which is right in my walk.  And that makes me feel content indeed.

I’m sitting here listening to it rain for the second day in a row.  Tropical storm/depression causing all kinds of problems in the area …It’s that time of year.  But what about rain in our life?  I’ve often heard of “latter day” rain back when I sat in a different path.  It means blessings being rained out by the holy ghost upon god’s people.  It’s hard to think of rain as a blessing if one has seen it fall steadily and can’t feel like their life is experiencing growth, especially in the spiritual realm.  I’m little off center about a few things going on, maybe it’s just aftermath of what has been going on in the physical…not sure yet, but will definitely be seeking advice on why I have this “meh” feeling when I think of the spiritual aspect of my life.  It’s not that I think things aren’t going as they should be, it is. But it used to have this feel of excitement and anticipation, and I seem stuck on the sidelines with no outlet.  In truth, I haven’t done things as I used to do got too complacent.  no crafting of tools..the making of salts, poppets, candles…I had no desire to do so…not really sure I do now.  I did pull some things out last night and felt that tug of energy that made me smile, so maybe if I do a few things like that it can jump start the energy that makes me feel whole.  It kind of makes it hard being solitary with nobody to bounce this off of..I have control issues, so don’t talk about it with just anyone.  Maybe this is the  time to feel like the rain falling is needed..make me stop and appreciate those gifts I know I possess, see which ones I need to work on…yeah I’m looking in the mirror and taking stock..that is what one needs to do when it rains…accept those times as blessings and appreciate  the growth rain brings…NOT TO SELF: back to work slacker! lol…

Invisible, here, not here

don’t speak here, say nothing there

Your knowledge is immaterial

and yet…some listen anyway.

Why? What difference doe it all make

anyway?

Who cares if what is known has truth?

what does it matter if  my spirit bleeds from keeping silent?

The guides say speak, others say teach

man says shut the fuck up..

What to do? Where to go?

How do I explain that I can’t…others aren’t willing…

Am I losing what I have?  Did I ever have anything?

Things seem to be shadowed by fear…

Who’s fear?  Mine? Others?  Are they one and the same?

My tears fall in frustration…I cry out to the guides

but they are silent….I’m out here alone I rail…

Silence………….

 

 

 

Ever notice that no matter what you do, someone, somewhere will ALWAYS turn it into something about them?  I write my blogs, and while sometimes there may be a grain of truth about someone, I never name them nor do I put their “crimes’ on front street.  And yet ,sometimes, it is just observation about what I see around me..nothing more.. Yet,I still  get snarky comments from people who are sure that its always about them.  What is it that makes people  ASSume that it’s always about them?  I mean, I have had conversations about Dorothy with friends before and so to have someone think that was written about them was just silly actually.  Same with other things I write.  Just a lil FYI….I write to clear my head..some days dealing with someone who has early stage dementia and gets pretty manic can take a lot out of me..I lose my patience and need a release before someone gets hurt.  I need to put things down so that I can see it in black and white and find a solution in among the thorns…I need to be able to find a way to just smell the flowers and not let it become a personal attack on myself.  Sometimes I don’t even publish it..it goes into a private spot and stays there…it’s about getting it out so I can think clearly and rationally.  I highly recommend it for anyone who needs someone to talk to and thinks they don’t have that.  Very cathartic.  So if by chance you happen to see something in a blog and think it sounds like you that I am speaking about..take a few moments and ask yourself why.  What is it that you hide from others that make you feel that way?  Check the mirror because I have not pilfered through your closets..I am not interested in the skeletons you may have hidden.  I have a life, am trying to find the balance in it in every moment of it, and you just are not on the list to placate and hold your hand saying..”am so sorry if you are butt hurt”…Because in reality…It’s all about ME…my feelings, MT thoughts, MY desires, dreams….And if you cannot accept that..my advice is to not read it, because as I said..I don’t have the time for the childishness of it.

 

PEACE OUT

I often find it amusing and interesting to sit back and watch people as they go about their daily lives.  It is a great teacher of life..how not to act, react, deal with drama, etc.  What often confuses me and aggravates me to no end is the “it’s not my fault” people.   You know the ones..they are the ones that if something happens in their life it is because someone else did or did not do something that caused it. I have no patience for that kind of mentality.  It is self-serving in that victim kind of way and is nonproductive in that one has no clear agenda on how to achieve one’s goals without blaming others for not reaching them.  I am so against that kind of “poor me” mentality.  To me it’s just a waste of time and energy..probably why I have a running argument with friends about Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz(ok, those who know me well can stop shaking your heads and turn away cause ya’ll know what’s coming,lol)..Anyway..back to Dorothy…she is the type of character that makes one want to slap with all her whining and poor me, I’m so persecuted shit.  I know it’s for entertainment purposes, but work with me here…  She refused to take responsibility for letting her little dog run amok in the neighbor’s chickens and bit the neighbor  as well..so she runs away rather than face the music.  When she finds herself in a strange place..she whines, and collects 3 insipid losers who want to hold her hand and make it all better rather than telling her to suck it up cupcake…it’s called life, deal with it!  Then she allows herself to receive stolen property and wonders why someone would be highly pissed at the thieving of their inheritance and what is rightfully theirs..all because someone has weird notion of good/evil.  I always want to slap the saccharine out of that bitch Glinda who is truly the evil one here..I  mean, first she steals the slippers off a dead witch then gives them away without thought to family members who are understandably upset, and then sends the simpleton Dorothy off on a journey to nowhere because in the end, she always had the power to go home…WTF?!?!  Now granted, the victim and her group of loser friends truly have a right to be pissed at the master manipulator, but they brought a lot of things on themselves by not thinking things through and in truth life is like that ….there are people who manipulate the situations to fit their whims then wonder why people get upset about it.  But it all boils down to us actually.  We can play the victim and react..badly, and I have been guilty of that..or we can shake our heads, and consider the source and move on…That is where I am now…I can’t change things, no matter how much I would like to sometimes…and I cannot make people be anything other than who or what they are…so I’m changing the rules to the game.  No more blame laid at the door of others…whatever happens, it’s all on me..and I kind of like that..because it makes me think about things, and how to act instead of react…. And that makes me quite content today.

 

PEACE OUT

I’ve been a little snarky as of late..I don’t know if its a b y product of mercury coming out of retrograde or it’s just that I am tired of things as they have been.  Maybe it’s  a combination of both.  ~shrugs~…So this is new moon, and VOC, so perfect time to step inside and clean house metaphorically and physically.  I have been “sitting” for a time…and not sure I really know why except that I didn’t feel the need to work, didn’t have anyone that “needed” a kicking atm, so I did nothing..got lazy and complacent…til the web was plucked…What a wake up call!  So then I got busy revamping a few things, and decided to end a few things going on.  To one who did the unforgivable of turning back on family, no matter your “truth”, it’s over.  I am able to see past things and will tell you that those who gave you roots, wings to fly, no longer exist…they’ve all been changed.  You should probably check your mirror, it has a crack and the view has been skewed by one who has no clue what you’ve truly lost.  I stepped into the void and buried what was, what could have been and no longer is.  To one who asked if I send things to you…the answer is no…you call it to yourself.  the shiamat who destroys you in dreams is of your own making.  I will tell you why that is though.  Your whole life is made up of a web of lies.  One cannot even begin to untangle the end to find just one small glimmer of truth.  the lies are over simple things when the truth would be so much easier to take.  You began with good intent, you felt…then it grew like some huge mushroom overnight outside of your window, obscuring the view of truth.  You let it continue to grow and then it exploded covering all with its stench and matter that it will never be able to wash off completely.  This is what keeps you ill…it fills your life because you cannot bear to really look  into that mirror and accept your part of the betrayal of those who did you no harm.  If the truth cannot be stated, the door must close.   The one who feels that I am “savior” friend, teacher…I am none of those things..I am just me.  While  I may occasionally throw a life line, I cannot save you from the rapids if you insist on carrying all those stones in your pocket.  I will not step out into the water..to do so will harm me and I have just now found a safe place to be.  let go of the stones, and place your feet on the bottom..You can stand if you will try it.  otherwise, i am sorry to watch you drown.

I am blessed to have friends who help me out with encouragement , and humor when things are little difficult.  One amazing gift that the universe blessed me with teaches those who are considered “unteacheable”..the children that have problems due to drug use while their mothers carried them, abuse that has removed them from homes, children with legal issues from homes that care less what they did.  She does this with love and warmth…I kind of want to be her when I grow up,lol.  her positive outlook on life makes me smile just thinking about her.  And yet she has days when she does not recognize her worth..I remind her occasionally.  Another friend is learning that she is not the label the world has thrust upon her.  It’s an interesting transformation to watch.  She too makes me smile.  So, is this reclamation of self  for many of us a coincidence?  I don’t believe in them.  The universe has purpose and as such allows things to unfold for us in its due time.  And I think it’s been coming for some time, we just wouldn’t shut up and listen…so shaking off the negativity of what was, labels that did not describe us in the first place and damn sure don’t now, as we stand before the mirror, empowered and becoming whole. I’m kind of digging the new scenery actually, and those who still hold onto that old shit they kept throwing our way, it will not be a pretty sight when the mushroom finally explodes.  Just don’t expect me to stay and watch.

 

PEACE OUT

Was looking at a posting on group page of core beliefs in a hundred words or less.  Not as easy as one thinks really because for one thing…it makes us all have to sit down and be concise in our wording, as well as what the hell we really do believe in that would in a sense fit in a nutshell.  I posted, but facebook seems to have eaten that posting, so will try and post it here:

I believe that we are all connected one to another through energy that is given us from the universe, whether higher power, deity, whatever one believes in personal perspective.  I pull from ancestry to mesh with things I have chosen to include that will construct a spiritual path for myself because this path is a reflection of who I am rather than what I do.  I believe that we are all one race..human, and as such should be adult enough to give respect even if others do not afford the same… and if they cannot do that.. we  eat their souls

 

Ok, that last part I was being a little facetious, but, it seems reasonable to want to kick people’s ass if they have no respect for others because it tells me they don’t have much for themselves either.  The other part..that is true reflection of who I am.  I don’t try and feed people a line of bullshit, making them think I am other than what they see.  I am human and have my days of snarkiness like everybody else.  I am not perfect so don’t expect everything that I believe or do on this path to be that way either.  I believe that we all have gifts and are supposed to use them, whether its healing, teaching or passing on the knowledge we acquire along the way.  that may not work for you, but my guides tell me that is the path I am on.  Do I always listen?  Nope..told you if I were deity, I could do as I please and not stumble, but once in awhile I have to be reminded that I have things to do.  I don’t have time for labels either.  I am human being, child of the universe as is everybody else.  Calling myself anything but student of life is bit much for me.  I know it works for some, but I just cannot do it.  They step out on stage and demand attention because of what they know.  Some are damn good at what they know, and others are just as good at the sleight of hand and manipulation that is required for that entertaining show.  I have no desire to show all the facets of the mirror that make up myself.  I like being in the shadows watching humanity..one learns a lot.  I am out more than I have been in a while, and was reminded that when I do so I should up that shield.  I’ll not forget  that lesson anytime  soon.  The thing is this was a sweet little exercise because it requires thought…what do we believe, why we do so and be direct and to the point instead of meandering around and dredging in dogma, doctrine or any of that other rhetoric that one seems to get caught holding.  So if you have a chance, and want a challenge..try this yourself.  One hundred words..no more NO less…define yourself and your beliefs so that others may catch a glimpse as to what makes us tick .

 

PEACE OUT

 

 

Most would agree with the statement “truth is relative”..It essentially means that we all have a perspective on what is “true” and as such we tend to see things from that view.  But even in the midst of all that perspective, facts do not change.  if something is what it is, then one needs to be able to accept that.  If A +B=C, then it doesn’t matter that you feel it should be something else…changing the facts will not make it so.  I’ve read some things about one who felt such guilt over how many crystals and stones are mined or found to the point of taking all they had and throwing them into the ocean or a lake(I forgot which), but the point is…why?  Did none of those stones call their name?  Were they not serving purpose when they “owned” them?  Then there is the person who feels too much guilt to eat meat..Seriously…do the plants they eat not feel anything?  All living things have energy..just ask a scientist…so I find it ridiculous that people will go over the edge and be extreme in their “truth”.  It’s the same with other things.  I read energies..know people…always has been that way.  Just because you lie to me, and I don’t happen to call you on it(I pick my battles)…it does not mean that I believe what you just said.  It just means I don’t think you are worth any of my time and energy to kick your ass…at the moment.  What it does mean though is that I will not believe another damn word that comes out of our mouth.  if you tell me the sky is blue, I will poke my head out and look before I believe that piece of truth from you.  Just because you spin it, fold it, twist it and resize it to suit yourself….the facts do NOT change…so if truth is really what you speak..make sure you use facts and back that up or it might be a bit messy when it all hits the fan.

 

PEACE OUT

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3

I am reminded of this today, because first when I got to work we received word that a mechanic who works with us had passed away last night, and in the next few hours I got news that a cousin and his wife had their first child this morning.  Life and death… a time for all of us.  I am not a big believer  in coincidence.  I believe that there is a time and purpose for all things.  Having a “bad” day?  maybe you overslept because you forgot to set the clock, and things went downhill from there…It happens..perhaps your body needed a little more rest and subconsciously you did that.  It triggers a chain reaction affect, but it is what it is.  I believe that everything we encounter in our life has a purpose.  it’s either a lesson, a way to look at a situation in a new light, or a way of making you stop short to reassess your current direction.  Even mundane things like family drama that play out…harsh criticism, a kid who cuts you off from their family because of other shit beyond your control..maybe that is to cause you to think about that family dynamic in a new light…and if it comes back to bite them in the ass, I might be persuaded to not say “I told you so”, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.  It is hurtful and then makes its way to anger, and then well…things happen I guess,lol.  People always want to look for a reason why things would happen..and sometimes even if we don’t understand it, there is a purpose for it.  Reading over the verses, one could apply it to almost any situation we encounter.  It’s not because we are “bad” people and are getting bitch slapped by the universe…things have a purpose.  it is up to us to look for that purpose.  No, I don’t believe that kids with cancer are being punished…but maybe the purpose there is for us to look at that situation and treat the other people in our lives whether they be connected by family, jobs, or just a chance encounter, a little more kindly.  What if the purpose would be for us to check the status of our lives and find a way to dance in the midst of the storms?  We all get so caught up in the existence of our day to day that we often forget to live.  To reach out and smell those roses blowing in on the breeze, to feel the warmth of the sun on our face,  to dance in the puddle that have a sheen of rainbow dancing across them after a summer shower.  Everything has a time and purpose, and while we may not always appreciate the timing of the things that happen in our lives, it is there for a reason.

 

PEACE OUT

 

Ever have a dream that seems so off the wall that it seemingly makes no sense?  We all have I guess, but I had one about protection that made me wonder just what I had eaten the night before to dream so lucidly and yet in such a bizarre manner.  That I was seemingly being overwhelmed by things in my daily life was an understatement , so sleep seemed a refuge.  Little did I know it was going to be an adventure.  I soon found myself sliding down to my favorite place of a glen of some sort, sitting by the fire just relaxing, enjoying the warmth and solitude.  Then my guide, Brin, comes to me and tells me that we are going for a walk.  I’m thinking “NOW!?!”,,I am tired ffs! ” But it will do no good to try and argue, so I get to my feet and follow.  We come to this massive tree, and Brin tells me that I am to enter.  Really?  I am to go inside a tree?  Shaking my head, I do so, and it seems like a long ass staircase going down…down….down.  Omg..am I ever going to get to where I am supposed to be going?  Finally after what seems like hours, I reach the bottom of the  staircase.  I come to this place that seems a little gloomy, moss hanging in trees, which confuses me since that is only seen when I visit Maman Celeste..Have I come to another area of the swamp?  “Welcome Cher”, I hear from somewhere above my head.  It is not a voice I recognize although the greeting is familiar.  I look around and above me are 3 of the hugest spiders I have ever seen.  They start to descend towards me on their webs and as they get closer I realize just how huge they are.  I start to back up, and the one farthest back says to the others”she’s afraid..we are wasting time on this one because?”  “We have been asked to share with her”, says the first one.  They reach the ground beside me, dwarfing me actually, and the first one one tells me “My name will be unpronounceable to you, so you may call us as you will, and it will be acceptable”..Oh joy..I get to “name” them..Well, let me get my bearings, and think a second.  Ok then, Pierre, Jean, and George.  “Oh very clever”, says the third..He seriously is getting on my last nerve..I don’t know where the hell I am, don’t have a clue what this is about, who they are and why we are thrown together and he’s done nothing but make snarky comments since I arrived.  “Quiet George” says, Pierre.  “Cher, you have been sent to us because you need to work on your protection.  The light shield, is just not cutting it for you since your workings have been stronger.  You need to protect yourself from the attacks coming your way from some who want only to cause harm”.  I am confused.  who wants to cause me harm?  I haven’t gone out of my way to try and antagonize people…only kick when it’s warranted…”I think she’s slow” says George…And I think you are more than a little rude and obnoxious I think about George at which point Pierre and Jean laugh out loud.  Ok, I am a little slow, but can be forgiven since this is new for me, right?  They can read my thoughts so know what I am thinking. “Yes, says Pierre..we read your thoughts.  Your face is also most expressive so its not difficult for us to do.  So, pull up a seat and we will try to explain .  I look around and spy a mushroom, and it looks comfortable, so I sit…thinking this is my own personal version of Alice in Wonderland?  I think I could have done so much better in the details.  Pierre laughs again.    “You can decorate anytime you come back” he says.  So…where do we begin?  I ask Pierre.  I am avoiding George due to his obnoxiousness, and slight smell that kind of makes me want to ask him where the hell he’s been..under a rock somewhere I’m sure…  Jean who has been quiet thus far speaks finally.  “I am to teach you how to make your web, Cher”.  A web?  I am to spin or weave a web?  Is this on a loom somewhere?  I don’t know how to do this stuff! I think I am losing my mind…”Come with me”, says Jean.  I walk with him and he explains that yes, he will provide all the materials and show me how to weave the simplisticly complicated web of protection for me and my space. ” This is protected space, so you can always come here”, he says..”and don’t mind George..he’s been out among things we don’t even care to discuss with humans…it’s why the scent lingers”.  FFS…I am so going to have to watch what I think…Jean chuckles, and we enter  a small building that is beautiful to behold.  It has lavenders and purples, irridescent blues…colors that make me happy just to think of them.  And in the middle of the room sits an old loom that looks like it has existed since time began.  Jean leads me to the loom, and bids me sit, which I do.  He then begins to gather what I had originally thought as wall color but realize is silk threads.  He brings them to the loom and shows me how to place it on the loom, and soon I am following his instructions, over, under, through, around…Soon I lose track of time and begin to feel slightly jazzed from the energy.  it’s a pleasant feeling of creation and one that I haven’t felt in a long while.  After I have been there awhile, just weaving along, Jean checks my progress.  “This is impressive Cher”, he says.  “You have caught on well”.  So what do I do with this new skill and this amazing web I have just weaved I was wondering.  “Your guide will help you hang them” Jean tells me.  Like curtains I am thinking…”similar”, he laughs.  soon I am finished with my project and Jean helps me remove the beautiful web and carries it out the door, leading me back to where the others wait for us.  “George will carry it up for you”, says Pierre.  I arch my eyebrows, but say or think nothing more.  “He is the only one of us who travels”, says Jean.  So George gathers up my web and we begin the long ascent up the staircase.  “You did well for a novice”, George tells me grudgingly. “Thank you”, I tell him.  As we reach the top, Brin, my guide is waiting for us, and she takes the web from George.  He nods to her then turns to go back downstairs.  He turns to me once more and says..”take care of yourself, and we are always here if you have need of us..anytime”.  smiling slightly, he turns.  “Thank you George”, I tell him smiling a little myself, for its not every day one wins over a spider.  Brin leads me to the edge of my space and we then begin the task of hanging my web.  I’m not sure it’s enough, but she smiles, and soon there is web shining beautifully in the firelight all over the place.  How did it become so large I wonder.  I feel completely spent, so sit closer to the fire and Brin begins to sing to me.  it’s not a language that I know how to  speak, or even if it is indeed a true language but it speaks to my spirit, and I soon lay my head in her lap and drift off.  When I wake I am surprised to find that I am still  here in sacred space and not out and about the mundane plane where I live life.  Brin tells me that alarms went off, so we must check the web.  We walk to the edge and I am more than a little curious as to what is exactly there.  I am surprised to see a woman that I know..well, not personally but she is connected to people that I do know personally and has been having issues with.  She is standing there with fangs bared, demanding to know who was I, little nobody witch that could construct such protection! She rants and rails, and yet we say nothing to her, just adjust a slight fold in the web and then Brin leads me back to the fire she has rebuilt.  What just happened I ask.  Brin smiles, and says that the attack was known to be coming, so all concerned decided I needed to up the protection.  So will she come back?  No..she now knows that this is not a place she can gain access to..pisses her off, but she will go back to her original targets.  I shake my head and try to wrap my head around the realms and things I am learning.  I close my eyes again, and this time when I awake, I am returned to my bed.

Now  time has passed  since the dream, and yet the details are vivid. Especially when I see the firelight cling off the colors of my web. I am still amazed  that I was able to construct such a thing of beauty.  I have reason to think that I will be making a trip back down the tree to see the spiders, things that I dismissed before, are showing me that was an error in judgement to do so.  The protection not only keeps me protected as I work, but those living within the confines of the realm are also affected..Yeah I know, “what affects one stone reflects on all”.  So, this time when I return to the spiders, I will have at least some rudimentary idea of why it is I have come and what is expected of me.

 

Peace Out