Category: Uncategorized

So yeah.  This has been long week, and will be longer still since I work for a bit tomorrow.  To top it off I am moving. Not that I want to, but the trailer park that I’ve lived in for over 12 years is being sold.  All of my little people have lived here, family has been in and out, and now  I have to start over.  It’s not like I am moving way far away..just an hr down the road, longer drive for work//minor inconveniences.  One would think at this point in my life that starting over would not be so scary, but it is.  I am sorting through things, trashing some, storing others and taking a little with me.  Why not just do a sort and move it all?  Well I might have considered that if I wasn’t moving in with my daughter and her husband until I decide what I want to do next.  So it truly wont be my home, or even feel like it.  I guess that is what has me in a meltdown kind of mood atm.  I think I’m took old for all this stress shit.  It’s shown up in the cold sores on my lips, the chest pain that has been relieved by the nitro..but short of knocking myself out, I can’t staunch the flow of tears.  As I have gone through things, I find things that belonged to my parents that I had sitting out as a remembrance…they go to storage.  My son’s belongings are here until he is able to come and retrieve them.  Also storage. My corner..the one with altar, herbs, etc…majority of it will go to storage as well with just a traveling altar that I usually carry on trips will go with me.  That makes me sad because most of what makes me feel comfortable will not be around me.  It may be temporary thing, but it sure feels like a knife between the shoulder blades.  But as I continue to sort, I have also let go of things that no longer function for me either in the mundane or pathwise.  A friend on FB has a blog/newsletter that he emails out and this week’s was about letting go of “stuff”. Since the move this weekend wasn’t unexpected, it hit right on time.  So I began a purge.  Finding shineys that I thought I HAD to have in the beginning of this walk, books that I havent read in a long time, and probably will never open again, so they will be passed along.  Herbs that were forgotten and are beyond a time that I use them will be burned later on this weekend.  My own personal ritual of sorts in letting go.  It’s all been a little overwhelming.  Ya’ll remember I have control issues, so yeah…its freaking me the fuck out. But I’ll live, let go of things and move on to another chapter, whatever that brings.  So looking at brighter side of things..here is to new beginnings…SLAINTE’

The night was a dark one, with just a sliver of the moon shining behind gossamer wisps of clouds .  The spanish moss hanging from the huge ancient mangrove trees provide an air of secrecy, as she steps forward from the boat.  With bare feet , it’s as if she is connected instantly as she feels the earth beneath her.  Pulling her cloak closer, she gathered the things she had brought with her tonight.  Things have been off kilter as of late…some things needing a tweaking, other things to be let go.  It was time to call the storm.  She walked forward to a clearing that was used for ritual work.  Secluded, private, and unseen by those who have not the eyes to notice where it was located.  As she approached, it seemed as if the wild life that resided in the swamp knew why she had arrived, as they made their presence known.  Alligators splashed their tails upon the water, the cranes covered their nests with their wings as if they know what is coming, and are in agreement.  The croak of the bullfrogs seem to beat in rhythm to the energy that is beginning to stir…singing a chorus only known to them.  She walks into the clearing, greeting the keeper of the gate as she does, and moves toward a place where the fire has already been stacked in preparation of her coming.  All is in readiness.  She stepped closer and snapped her fingers, bringing life to the fire, which illuminated the sheltered copse as a protected circle.  Drawing a bundle of herbs from her cloak, she tossed them into the cauldron that sat beside the fire, and she moved it to catch the heat of the flame, letting the perfume from the herbs waft around her.  She breathes in deeply, letting the warmth and perfume envelop her, filling her with peaceful energy.  She smiles to herself because she knows this is but the eye.  She turns then to the small bag she has brought with her, setting up a small altar with candles, rum, incense and sits a small drum down beside a rock near the fire.  Standing before the altar, she welcomes those in who would work with her this night and then turns to the drum.  She begins to drum lightly, caressing the skin as a lover might, smiling as it begins to vibrate within her spirit, as she continues to play watching as the fireflies dance to the rhythm overhead.  As she drums, she begins to sing..words of old, known to but a few, calling the storm to come and clear the air, to toss out that which no longer works, and causes pain.  To reap chaos on those who willingly put themselves in the way of the storm that has been building, calling it to themselves as if they were a magnet.  The storm clouds begin to gather and the wind blows from the east, bringing with it change,  raging, howling, moving, swirling with its anger.  The rain begins to rage as rapids, like the waterfalls over mountains in all its fury, and yet she sings on… calling out to the elements that bring forth life and fill her soul with renewal.  The rain, wind and drum dance together, filling the night with their energy.  In and out, over and under, all around it flows until there is no beginning or end to any of them.  And still she sings until at last all of her energy is spent, and the drum falls silent.  She sits now, spent and exhausted as the last of the storm begins to dies down and all that is left is a cleanliness to the air, and a light cleansing rain falling.  She smiles and places the drum back into her bag, giving it one last small pat in thanks, and gathers the pieces of the altar.  She sits and contemplates before the fire, then thanks those who lent their assistance and drinks one small libation with the gatekeeper.  She makes her way back to the entrance, not looking back because she knows that the fire will be extinguished and things made aright as they always are. As she seats herself in the small boat to makes her way home,  she knows that whatever the storm has wrought, will be  necessary and things will be righted in balance once more.

 

tempête parfaite

Wow, nothing like a health scare to get one to thinking about priorities huh?  My apologies to the kith and kin who were alarmed at my mini vacation this week into realms of doctors, hospital rooms and tests.  Yeah I’ll live..sorry to the prey who were expecting a reprieve of sorts.  Anyway, I’ve done some thinking while  on that enforced hostage situation and have come to a conclusion.  Basically, it’s not my job.  It’s not my job to teach those who wander around lost as a goose, moving from group to group seeking spellwork, gathering, collecting people as if they were shells on the beach.  It’s not my job to correct their chicken little attitude of the end of the world befalling them when they believe in some made up meme on Facebook.  It’s not my job to show them the error of their ways just because I might know the answer.  We all have other things going on in our lives and if we play the serious card all the time and try and dissect information meant as as humor, then we add to the cacophony and truthfully, I am just tired of trying to do that any more.  It is not my job and try and “save” everyone from the error of their ways.  You know the universe is interested in balance.  Sometimes you get a meal, other times you are one.  By stepping in to rearrange things for others, I might be shifting the balance and that of course is just not my job. So I’m going to do my best and take better care of myself, and while I will share with others…don’t expect the full plate you’ve always been served..you will need to go elsewhere for that, because after all……It’s not my job.

 

DEUCES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know this past weekend has been a major blur of accusations, plagiarism, and impersonations as well as lies and theft.  Wow..what a lot of bullshit huh? We have people lying by omission by not crediting authors’s works and posting them as their own, lifting whole posts from psychology reports for a class, trying to impersonate people to gain access to their personal space through others.  Where in the hell are the ethics of these people?  Did their mothers not teach them that one simply does not take what is not theirs?  Seriously how hard is it to give credit for something they share?  Instead they continue to go along as if they simply did nothing wrong, in their desire to “share” with others.  The others of that same group seem to feel that they too having kicked the person out and removed or given proper credit, and it should just die down.  Really.  Calling others who pointed out the problem liars, trouble makers, swearing at them and claiming “it’s on the net so no harm no foul” then banning the ones who came to speak out is ethical as well I suppose? and the rhetoric continues with the thumping of chests, and a “let’s see who is the better witch” kind of thing…WANDS AT 10 PACES!!! Umm..people, this isn’t Harry fucking Potter…and while there can be things done to kick others asses, might want to check that ego and see who you are fucking with before opening the mouth.  Sometimes it’s just better to accede defeat and do the right thing without spewing all the rhetorical bullshit.
I’m a control freak(ya’ll already know that), and rarely post workings or spellwork anymore due to having been involved with a group previously that fell apart and absconded with my writings.  But this blog is my baby, to write out emotional storms, dreams , rants and other various musings, so it kind of made me do a double take when someone tried to gain access to it.  The person knew just enough to contact someone to try for a password, but it failed of course because when one has layers of protection…they work.  Amazingly the timing was in the middle of myself and others speaking up for another author, and I don’t believe in coincidences.  So for that person reading this(and I know you will)…pay attention because I will only say this once.  I am not one of those love and light people who believe in the glittery fluff and rainbows.  I love walking in the shadows and speaking with whom I find there.  The blog has lojack. Yeah, that’s a  techy term for the little something that will cause your day to come unwound.  See?  Yhat is my personal  set of ethics.  Fuck with what belongs to me and things get a little stormy and your wheels will fall off that wagon of asscricketry you reside in.  So I hope this attempt was worth it, because what you have coming is probably not what you were hoping to gain.

I don’t understand why people feel the need to judge others based upon what they think they know or want to make themselves appear to be something they are not.  Labels and semantics aside, how people work, what they believe is mostly UPG.  We can all claim well, I follow such and such trad, but in the end, it comes down to your personal belief.  Even in strict traditions taught by people who have set beliefs, there will still be those on the fringe who offer things for a price even knowing that its all a fake.   It boggles my mind how wide spread this is actually. I hadn’t really paid much attention until lately, but have called others out for copy/paste in certain groups asking for source, or posting the link to source in the comment section in the past.  having had blogs lifted myself-for whatever reason I have no clue since I write nothing of importance really-I pay more attention now. It would be a nicer world if people all had a set code of morals and ethics I guess, but life isn’t like that is it? Kind of makes me yearn for a simpler time when people were true to their word and those who offered words, art etc to the universe were applauded and acknowledged.  Instead as time has moved on, it’s become more expedient to just pass off others belongings as your own and gain the rewards for yourself.  I don’t have an easy solution other than for those who write, to keep on speaking out, show your face to the world and add a lojack to the works just as an added protection…couldn’t hurt(well not us anyways), and for those who want to take the easy way out and take what doesnt belong to you or to excuse those who do, well…guess you will in the end get what you asked for in a manner of speaking…Hope you can live with that cause I won’t lose any sleep myself 🙂
DEUCES

Empathy can be a two-edged sword sometimes.  We feel the vibrations of energies around us and most of the time are capable of dealing with things.  Sometimes though, we let the guard slip for those closest to us and it is their pain that fills us, covers us.  Such was this case this morning  as a sister friend was doing some soul searching.  The pain in my heart woke me, and I cried as the emotions washed over me.  I cannot help her direction, give all the answers she seeks(she wouldn’t thank me for being spoonfed anyway), but I can allow her to use the energy she needs to find stable footing.

Sometimes I am asked about the ability to read/feel/taste energies and how I can deal with that.  short answer is:sometimes I can’t.  Even with shields in place, they will sometimes resonate so strongly that they will still find a way to connect. The best way for me to deal with them is to find a place to allow that to pass through and ground and shield myself once more.  I’ve always been able to do this sort of thing.  Until I actively began research into it, I didn’t know what to call it.  It was always just a “knowing”.  I would be able to read people maybe because I watch more than I step out into the circle of conversation.  It’s a protection skill set.  The feeling, tasting of energies..that came later.  Believe me when I say that I could have done without the last one.  Some people have such a rancid taste that I literally gag, so I try and not connect to deeply with others. It’s difficult to do with those close to us though. We tend to let down the walls of those we love and care about, so they are able to hit us hard(it’s why family can push those buttons).

So how does one protect ones’s self from the excess energy flow? Shield and more shields.  When I work I like to layer correspondences, from color, timing, herbs, incense, deity, it’s much the same as I shield.  I layer that protection. Different types from everything from webs to chants.  They all have a purpose and are there to back the other parts up.  I never go unshielded, even online. I know people who scoff that energy flow cannot be felt..I beg to differ.  I learned to increase that level with practice, and with that experience came expanded gifts, so I shield.  I’m a control freak anyway, from privacy to work, everything has to be a certain way.  I prefer it and can get a little OCD when things are changed. So shielding is necessary for me.  does it work?  again short answer is :Most of the time.  Sometimes I cannot escape the connection from those I care about, but then again, it’s why there is love and respect there between us..no barriers.

For those with this particular gift/curse(depending upon how you see it).  Take care of yourself, protect yourself at all times and keep working on the expansion of self.  It’s worth it.

I’ve been just watching the “world” the past couple of days.  And it never ceases to amaze me that a particular group would behave in such ignorant manner.  One such group has an online site, FB page, several enterprises to make money.  But they have SERIOUS issues concerning other people’s beliefs as well as not voicing exactly what THEY believe or how they practice.  Theirs is a mishmash of Haitian vodou, Freemasonry,satanism, christianity…I know..you’re brain is fixing to asplode with all the confusion as well it should.  I used to frequent their FB page, but their incessant rants about how pagans worship(we are wrong btw), kept me with a headache, so I left and deleted them all off the “friend” list because in truth, I felt they had nothing valid to offer me.    First, “pagans” are not all alike, so how can everyone who falls under that label(including them) be wrong?  Secondly, some of  those who come expecting answers  are falling through the cracks  American vodou is totally different than if one goes to Africa, Dominican Republic,  or even Haiti , mainly because hell….its done by Americans who even if they have ties to said countries, still add their own flavor , so it in a sense is diluted, no longer in its pure form and has lost a little something in the translation.  Even the New Orleans version is different so according to those that “know true vodou” it’s wrong.  Root work has been a mainstay in this country even before the first slaves were brought here from other countries  There have always been those who have been familiar with herb knowledge and were local healers long before physicians became the norm and we moved away from such ones in the name of “progress”.  The spellwork, bokors etc came along with the slave trade, but it was hushed and kept secret, as many things are still hidden in the shadows.  The inner workings after being strained through a version of christian evangelical  rhetoric no longer are as they were practiced centuries before.  So how can one justify telling others that how they practice such a path that they are “wrong”? this thing of absolutes can only be applied (imho) to a path or tradition that has specific rules, doctrine, historical references as to how to do things “properly”.  Paths like the vodou have no such dogma.  It just exists, as part of life, culture, superstitions.  So with no true reference other than historical retelling, the audacity of telling others that they are wrong in how they work is ludicrous.  Especially coming form those who mix a variety of paths that contradict one another.  Just a little FYI..adding saints to represent Lwa doesn’t make them work with you any better nor does it it give veracity to the ideology.  It’s done for a variety of reason in Haiti as well as here in the states due to christian settlers usurping the faith of the slaves, and replacing it with their own. Back then,  if one could have a picture of said saint on an altar, nobody would be  the wiser who it represents.  I have no such need of that.  My altar contains representations of those I work with, I have no connection with others version of god. What I believe is none of your business -thanks for asking.  I have no need to be included with those who can’t even decide what flavor of the week they are today.  To make money off gullible people who have more money than common sense also violates my ethics.  To post crap about herbs mainly used in the making of incense instead of on its own(verified by a quick glance at herb encyclopedia by Scott Cunningham)is ludicrous.  It tells me you don’t have a freaking clue as to why you believe what you believe, that you do not  walk your faith on a daily basis(and this type of path IS spiritual and life connected).  For you(and again, this is my observation and opinion) it’s about money and prestige within a community that fights as much among yourselves over who is right as those in a secular path.  To toss out people who disagree with you and then proclaim you are going to harm them…yeah well, that kind of makes me laugh because see, I have a working agreement with those that scare the fuck out of you and I always protect what is mine.  You look extremely childish jumping up and down throwing the tantrum because someone had the audacity to call you on your bullshit.  And to pull others in who are even more confused than yourself and have been listening to you give your “advice” is way past sad in its futility.   So might I suggest that you seek a little more and try to find out which side of the wire you want to walk(seriously one CANNOT add tenets of satanism in with christianity…THAT is an exercise in madness itself), and do some real research for a change.  And stop with the sniffing, huffing and puffing as if you will do real damage.  that pit is extremely deep, the dragon on guard is hungry and things aren’t always as they appear here in wonderland ;).

DEUCES

RING!!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me? AGAIN?!?  I open my eyes to see the elf standing yet again in my room.  “I thought we were done with this shit”, I tell him crossly.  “My apologies”, he tells me, “but I need your help”.  I get a really good look at him now.  Standing tall in the half shadow, I look at him, his  eyes wild, hair tangled, and…”Is that blood I see on you?” I ask.  “I need your help Shae”, he repeats.  I get up and start toward him.  “Fine, let me look”.  “It’s not for me”, he tells me.  Not for him, I think..then who? “Will you come with me?” he asks.  I dress and tell him that I need to know what help is required if I need to bring other things.  “I need a healer”, he says.  I nod and begin the sorting of herbs, and other assorted things I would need and place them all in my traveling bag.  “I am ready”, I tell him.  A huge blue portal opens and he motions for me to go through it.  I think to myself that I have to be one of the craziest witches I know going places with strange folk.  But I walk through the opening and find myself in shadow.  Not the ones of ghede, that although are bone chilling cold, they  feel inviting.  Nor the ones that feel warm and comforting to me like the swamp, but this is one where I can see distant images of trees through the mist of darkness and it feels menacing as if it knows that I am an interloper.  I pull my cloak closer to me and grip my bag firmly as if to reassure myself that I will be fine.  Corwvyn is soon beside me and leads the way.  We walk for awhile and finally come to a huge tree.
Remembering the one from the spiders, I am not surprised to find that we are going inside the trunk.  The Elf touches a place on the trunk and an opening appears and he again motions that I should go first, which I do.  I enter a fairly good sized room which has a table and chairs, a fireplace  on one wall and a bed.  It is to the bed that he goes and speaks to the one lying there.  Another elf, I think to myself…GREAT.  “I brought the witch for you Daeg”, he speaks softly.  “She can help you”.  Daeg nods, and I move next to Corwvyn and see that this elf is very hurt.  Almost as if he  knows I am there, he opens his eyes and I can see how this came to be.  His green eyes are mirrors that tell me everything of the battle that is still raging and how he was injured trying to save his friend.  I shield myself against his pain because it is too much for even me to bear.  I speak softly to Corwvyn.  “I need some hot water  and more light so that I may see to his wounds”.  The fire is lit and water begins to boil in the cauldron.  I open my bag and begin to pull out herbs, moss and bandages.  I pull one of the chairs next to the bed, and pour water into a small bowl.  I remove the blood soaked bandage from Daeg and assess the damage.  What I see leaves me shaking because it is indeed massive and deep. ” I am limited” I tell him, “in what I can do, but I will try to ease you some”.  He closes his eyes and nods.  I begin to clean the wound gently and as I do I can hear the crash of battle around us.It is so loud that the tree shakes even though it is massive.  I jump and look around.  “It sounds closer than it really is” says Daeg gently.  I laugh.  “you are injured and yet seek to comfort me.  Sweet”.  I find that for the intrusion, I like the elves.  I begin to make  a salve with the herbs, and place it on the wound and bandage it with care.  I make a tea with the other herbs in my bag and have Daeg drink it.  “It will help with the pain”, I tell him.  He drinks it slowly and the door opens and yet another elf comes through.  Seeing me, he stops short.  “What is she doing here?” he demands to know.  I turn to look at him, and dismiss him as immaterial to what I am doing.  Seeing my slight, he begins to get louder.  “I said, WHAT is she doing here?” “Oh for the love of Elphaba!”, I whirl around and yell at him.  “Will you stop all the damn yelling? I am here because my friend asked for my assistance and I came to give it”.  He looks at me as if I have grown another head that I would dare yell at him, while Corwvyn grins at my sarcastic response.  “You heard the lady”, he says.  “I asked for her help and she agreed to come help me”.  The yelling elf looks at Daeg.  “And what if you get gangrene from accepting this witch’s magic?” he asks.  Daeg looks down at the neatly bandaged wound and looks back at “screamer”(I don’t know his name but this is what I tagged him with) and says,”I went to ‘healer’ and have spent two whole days and nights trying to decide if the pain was worth my life.  Less than an hour has passed and I am no longer in pain and the wound feels better.  I would say that is a much better improvement, so I cast my vote for the witch”.  He closes his eyes again and smiles.  Obviously this is not what screamer wants to hear, so he turns to Corwvyn and says.  “She needs to leave and soon for her own safety”.  Corwvyn agrees, which kind of surprises me but then there is much going on in their battle that I don’t know about.  I gather my things, and leave herbs for them to use, explaining to him what each is for.  Corwvyn listens intently and thanks me for leaving them.  I go to the bed and say my goodbys to Daeg.  “Thank you for coming, and for the help”, he says.  “I will not forget”.  “Take care of yourself” I say gently.  I turn and gather my cloak and bag…”I’m ready”, I tell the elf.  As we leave the tree, there is a vehicle there.  It is a cross between a jeep and a tank..massive.  “We will take this”, he says.  “it’s faster”.  OMDamn! Fast was so not the word for this thing.  We zipped along like we moved at the speed of light.  Soon we came to a clearing and the elf geared down to stop.  “Why are we stopping here?” I ask.  Corwvyn motions with his head and I turn to look.  There in the clearing stood George with the huge black dog from Maman’s as well as Brin. “A welcoming committee”, I chuckle.  “I kind of made you go off grid” says Corwvyn sheepishly.  “They won’t thank me for that”.  “Fuck!.. I thought I was protected, and I wasnt?” “I protected you” he said.  So he did.  I shrug and move forward.  Brin looking very much like a worried mother hen(which is damn hard I must admit) carefully looks me over as if reassuring herself that I am well.  “My apologies” said Corwvyn.  “I needed her assistance and she agreed to come”.  George looks at me crossly as if to say that we will speak on this later(yeah so looking forward to that one)m but it is to Corwvyn that he speaks to.  “I will ride back with you”.  Corwvyn nods, then turns to me.  “I thank you for your help tonight.  If ever there is a time when I can also repay the favor, just call”.  Then he leans forward and kisses my cheek.  With a wink he returns to the vehicle which George and the dog have already gotten into and with a flash it is gone, leaving me standing with Brin.  We move back through the portal with Brin hovering close.  “I am sorry that you were worried”, I tell her.  “I will try to warn you before I move off grid again”.  Brin arches an eyebrow at me as if to say there had better not be a next time, but ya’ll know how I am about rules, even those regarding my personal safety,lol.  I undress and put the bag back into my closet.  I get into bed, suddenly exhausted.  These trips into elsewhere take a lot out of me I think.  I’m getting too old for such shit .  that makes me chuckle because in the elsewhere I dont feel that way at all. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep…no dreams, but real rest until the mundane chirping of the alarm goes off signaling the start of a new day. I awake and think of the night…Crazy shit I think…And interesting friends to hang out with..Friends?  yeah, I think I might actually have to include them as such…I laugh and shake my head.  I swear I think this might be another sign of the coming apocalypse.

 

DEUCES

So yesterday was a rough day for me.  Other members of the tribe had things going on causing them stress and because we are closely affiliated, I get reverb which in turn kind of causes me to have my own meltdown of sorts.  I try to keep it quiet as I can so as not to knock all of us off the web, but even I am not immune to whining.  So eventually, I kind of pull it together, hang for a bit with other wyrd witches , and when I finally pull the plug, I am ready to sleep.  Yeah, I should have known that sleeping is the last thing I will be allowed to do.  I am soon aware that I am lying in a glade somewhere..not my usual haunt where Brin and I spend time, but a different spot.I am trying to find a comfortable spot, trying to fluff the pillow under my head, and when it moves, I realize that it is no pillow.  I sit up and look around, and there is George!  Now what am I doing lying in a strange glade using a snarky spider as a pillow, I think to myself.  “You needed the rest, cher”, George tells me. I nod and lie back down, looking up at the stars.  Odd, I think…I don’t ever seem to see him except in the dark.  George chuckles..”people would not be receptive to seeing me otherwise,Cher” he says.  I have to agree with that.  He continues speaking as I continue to check out the diamond studded sky.  “you’ve been sick this week, and let down you shields. It cost you today.”, “You mean it wasn’t a good time for me to spiral out?” I ask.  “That snark won’t work on me”, he tells me a little testily. “You know damn well that it costs you time because you have to regroup before moving on”.  “George”, I say gently,”sometimes in the aftermath of that spiral, I find nuggets of information about myself that I might have overlooked.  Yes, the meltdown is intensely painful.  I try to only harm myself. But I made it through, and while am still saddened over some issues, I will live to fight another day”.  George sighs.  “I brought you here to recharge.  Lie back and let the earth do its magic”.  I chuckle at the thought of this giant being telling me how to heal myself for I’ve always found a way to do so long before I met him, and yet I do as he asks, and lie back. I feel the short hairs on his back against my neck and appreciate that for all his own snarkiness, he has gone out of his way to be worried for and about me.  “George”, I say softly. “Thank you for reaching out to me.  For caring when I felt like nobody else did”.  “Most welcome, Cher. I owe you anyways”.  What does he owe me for, I wonder, then smile because a certain elf come to mind as he is the one who brought him to my door.  I had forgotten that..whoops, there goes a shot to the ego for said elf, I chuckle.  George laughs.  “I won’t tell him you don’t remember his name” he says.  “Oh I remember it “,I tell him, “but seems as if when I say it he appears like some other mythological being from a fairy tale,  so I choose to NOT say it”.  We both laugh, then quietly lie there and then I begin to feel it…..vibration.  It’s coming from the earth we lay on.  Soon I can hear it as well, it starts small, but soon I can tell the difference between a hum and the drum beat, moving in, around, through me.  It’s a rhythm older than time, one that I know from somewhere deep in my spirit.  It seems to fill me, toughing the innermost parts of my being.  Removing shadows, casting light into the corners. This space is healing my very soul.  I turn my head to look at George’s face, who looks at me, and reaches out to stroke my hair.  “Let it continue to move, Cher.  You hold too much inside you and you need to let some things go.”.  I nod, then I close my eyes, and allow the song of the earth fill me.  I smell the damp clay that has been with me since I learned to walk this path.  It is Ghede.  One foot on either side, I am able to see, hear, speak, smell, and yet am not afraid.  Maybe I don’t have the sense to be..maybe I learned a long time ago that respect from both sides is what was always needed.  Whatever it is, it has brought me into contact with those I needed to speak with.  I feel the drums begin to beat, my pulse seeming to move in time with the rhythm.  this too has been with me although for the life of me I cannot tell you why.  It is what it is I guess.  I’ve long ago decided not to question why some things are as they are and to move on using it as a tool for help.  the drums work as I work, so they are an integral part of me. Their song can calm me, inspire me, lift me when I need them to.  I smile and just lay there thinking about how blessed I really am at being able to find sanctuary when I thought the whole day had dissolved into madness.”I will go see Maman later this week”, I tell George.  He nods.  “I thought as much”, he tells me.  “There are some recipes I need and a conversation long past due”.  He laughs.  “She will help you as she always does”, he tells me needlessly.  This too I know for she has always been.  She is as much a part of me as anything else I carry in my path.  Providing needed information, sanctuary, respite from my inner demons.  I am lying on the ground, melding into the clay beneath me.  a part of the earth and yet not.  Part of the rhythm of sound that fills the void of spirit, and yet separate.  Some would probably think I slipped over the precipice down into the dark abysss, but I am comfortable where I am…and who I am with.   Yeah George has provided a renewal of sorts to me.  He didn’t have to do that, and if I try to offer any more than the thanks I have already give I will offend him.  Of this I am sure, since this is NOT his usual way of dealing with me.   I awakened this morning with slight headache which is usually the norm when I am elsewhere traveling in dream state.  But I also am more relaxed than I have been this week.  So at the risk of getting smacked later….Thanks again George.

 

DEUCES

What do you believe? Do you have patron deity/entity that you follow? Do they really exist?  Where is the proof?  For the majority of people proving god is difficult indeed.  For after all, for many it’s a matter of “faith”..the belief in things not seen.  There have been some interesting topics of conversation lately among friends, and others about what constitutes proof of our beliefs.  Some have suggested that if one believes in certain things, then one needs to prove that belief, and if they cannot, they cannot possibly be real . But I wonder how that can be a justifiable assertion.  Most of us follow paths that have no basis in a set construct. Some gods/goddesses are the things told and retold in myths, legends.   Even those who follow a more societal form of faith cannot prove god, yet follow with faith(some more blind than others),  have books that tell how their faith was developed(with a little editing by man).  Even paths that have a set structure, developed by others, have little basis of deity.  So the majority would fall under UPG.  So why would you demand that people “prove” their god(s)? To prove superiority?  Although to be honest, if we can’t really prove ours, then how can we then be superior?To prove those who add in some fluffiness which leave us shaking our heads are inferior to our path/way of doing things/?  While many in the pagan paths have an affinity to animal totems, not a lot of them feel the need to announce that they are in fact a wolf,dragon, -insert endless list here).  That role is mostly for those with little or no experience or research into their own path.  They feel no need to do a little research into history to see the basis of any path they might choose to follow(can actually say this about a lot of people no matter the path they follow whether it’s pagan or secular).  Many began the “otherkin” based upon RP gaming and its continued on into present day paganism.  It’s one thing to claim totems, quite another to claim to be one.  It’s probably one of the most troubling thing for me as a pagan  that people don’t understand the concept of how that fits in.  Not all follow a part of a path that adds totems, so it’s not difficult to understand other’s confusion.  But to demand proof from them when they clearly need educated (without elitist positioning from others)to me is more than a little close minded.  The thing about paganism is that we don’t all fit into the same mold.  We each shape our world and views based upon our own perspectives and the reality of our lives as we live it.  So demanding that others adhere to our way of thinking kind of defeats the purpose of being a pagan since one of the main things is the freedom to believe and worship as we choose.  It’s why so many leave the rule-filled dogma ed structured life of secular faiths.  They feel stifled and less connected to god by having to obey so many rules or edicts from the pulpit.  Most of us strive to find a way to connect spiritually, whether we acknowledge deity or not.  We should not have to “prove” to anyone where our connection comes from, why we believe as we do or how it benefits us.  I get tired of those that demand proof.  All anyone really needs to know about my personal path is that it provides me a spirituality that helps keep me centered. It gives me a way to find solace in a crazy world that sometimes has me running ragged.  I have deity that I do connect with.  They provide me with an example in making my personal path work for me.  Would it do so for others?  Maybe. It depends upon where they are coming from since this has been cobbled together based upon heritage, familial connections as well as seeking knowledge through teachers(some who taught me intentionally and some who did not), books and talking with others, even if we don’t all have the same path.  So if one expects proof from me, they will be S.O.L.  It’s not how I operate.  I am who I am, a perfectly happy, opinionated witch, and nobody else’s approval counts or is necessary for me to  feel comfortable on my path as it sits now.  I hope that everyone else can say the same for themselves because if they can’t, they have plenty more work to do…on themselves. Your path begins and ends with you.

DEUCES