Introspection

Sometimes we go through things that seem to be beyond our control.   How we act is one thing, how we react is another.  I’ve done enough shadow work to know that at times I’m going to have a knee jerk reaction based upon past experiences.  But knowing this keeps me from behaving like an ass and taking it out on everyone around me.  That’s not to say that I haven’t done that..I’m ashamed to say that I have.  What to do then?  Recognize the triggers and try to minimize the damage I cause is one solution…Stay out of and away from situations that will trigger chaos is another.  But the best one I have found is to know that things from the past no longer have the power they once claimed.  I am not that same person I once was…weak, needy desiring to be accepted no matter the cost or consequences.  I am strong today because I know that no matter what happens, I will persevere.  I know what things tend to push my buttons.  I’ve also learned that no matter what happens, I can no longer let it bleed over onto those around me.  Those who care, those who don’t.  It is no longer acceptable.  I used to be of the mind-set that if I was miserable, then so would everybody else be dammit.  Instead, I’ve learned to back away, find a place just for me and become quiet to think things through.  It is a better solution for all concerned.

I have some things to think through today.  How to handle things going on around me, both online as well as home.  Offers made by some I thought were in the past… that had situations that cost me dearly, both physically as well as spiritually….meltdowns on several fronts that attack my energy flow..so severe they cause tears and that in itself pisses me off because for me, even though I know tears can be cleansing, they are a sign of weakness…how could I allow that to harm me…better up the shields, but if I do, it can effectively cut people out …yeah…lot to ponder on.  I even took some time from my addiction…facebook..that is how important this thinking is today…I don’t know what the outcome will be..and in truth it kind of fills me with trepidation…what if I make the wrong decision about the situations that have me concerned?  I will have to light candles today and seek some guidance.  While I may feel turned upside down and battered, things aren’t always as it appears, because I sometimes tend to make things harder than it has to be.  What will the answer be?  No clue..but I’m sure whatever it is, will be the right thing for me..

PEACE OUT