Perfect? Nowhere close

What is it that has all of us scurrying around like ants in our lives trying to achieve perfection?  Does that attribute really exist?   Why when I look in the mirror do I feel the desire, no NEED  to make things perfect in my world?  Why do we act like  insane idiots when things don’t go as we envisioned them?  Who says that we have to be perfect?  It starts early in our lives, this need to make things go just so…yet some of us seem to have the need to go that extra mile and make it extremely perfect.  Maybe its because in abusive situations, one sees that to be perfect keeps the violence to a minimum, or perhaps in relationships it keeps the peace.  But this deep seated impracticality causes us all a great deal of harm.  It causes us to worry and beat ourselves us up when things don’t measure up in our eyes.  We are our own toughest critic.  So, I look into the mirror and affirm these:  I was never a perfect child, even though I made perfect grades, kept my room neat and watched over the younger siblings.  I was not a perfect wife, even though I allowed things to slide when I should have been more vocal.  I was not a perfect mom, even though I loved them with every fiber of my being..they had the audacity to grow into their own beings who disappoint me quite often in their treatment of others…did I teach that?  If not, its something they picked up..and yet, they make me proud sometimes for the very reason I just mentioned…balance..THAT I did teach, ~shrugs~  definitely not perfection.  I am not a perfect friend. I tend to let my own emotions color how I see things and say what I think or feel, and that makes people uncomfortable sometimes.  I am not a perfect woman…weight, height, manner of speech..definitely not perfect.  And yet, with all those affirmations of imperfection, we are “perfect” without even trying to be.  There are things we do for others that they term “perfect”.  We have talents and gifts that work quite well for us, so that would be considered a degree of “perfection”.  So why is it that we can’t let ourselves off the hook when we come up short in our own ledger?  We have this inner desire to be the best, to achieve that which others see as unattainable.  Those of us with control issues, well that places extreme need to attain this goal.  What we do we feel is a reflection of who we are, and that is not true.  Our value is not based upon outward appearance, our actions, speech, faith.  No, who we are is based upon soul, spirit that resides deep within.  While all the other can affect some of what the world sees, it is that secret self that we tend to hide from others that truly defines who we are.  It is nestled deep within us, giving us strength to persevere in the face of adversity, to believe in ourselves when others do not, guides us when we are struggling to find our way.  We have a tendency to brush off others compliments or acknowledgement of  things that we do or say that may resonate within them, but that too is disbelief that  anything we have to offer is of value.  So how to reconcile the two halves? It’s a challenge I will admit.  It took me years to accept that I had anything to offer for anyone, but with my guides constantly in my head, putting to rest demons from episodes past that no longer have power to harm me, and a long  look in the mirror to see the “real” me..I’ve come closer to it.  It isn’t perfect by anyone’s standard but mine, and while that may surprise some..it’s fine by me.  I am the one who has to live with spirit and see that there is value in what I offer, both to others as well as myself.  It can be a struggle when there are trying days, but I shrug my shoulders and put one foot in front of another and start again.  That is the “perfect” part of life…we get to start over.  Failure isn’t fatal..and there are degrees of that as well.  Why use others yardstick to determine what works for us in our world?  All that matters is what  feels right to us.  How we view ourselves, the way we practice our path, our self worth, that is not defined by anyone but ourselves.  Perfect huh?  Yes…yes it is, and that is what makes it perfectly amazing.

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