Answers? maybe, maybe not

WHAT!?!?!?!?! I yelled out at the nothingness I found myself in. I could see stars, smell ocean salt, feel the sand beneath me, but as far as seeing anything tangible other than vague shapes..nothing. “The word should be where”, said a familiar voice. “I could give fuck all about where in the hell this is”, I retorted. I heard a chuckle, then as a match was struck, the scent of sulfur and cigar filled my nose. “You amuse me, cher, you really do”, he said. “You have no idea where you are exactly, but you use your indignation and sarcastic wit as weapons”. “Yeah well, they came with this model”, I shrugged. “And besides, I am getting more than a little pissed at manipulations of some with myself and others.”. “We are not fucking marionettes that you can pull the strings”. “I pull no strings, cher”, he said. “I offer choices and people make their own decisions as do you”. “I find it more than a little ironic that you choose to offer them when people are at a low point or seeking “, I told him. “So you feel I may have ulterior motives”, he asked…”amusing”. “I’m, pleased at being able to offer you entertainment tonight..and to answer your other query, fuck yeah! You and every other always has something up your sleeve and require payment of some sort.”He sighed. “I am wounded my petit. I thought we had passed this point in our relationship”. “I am a little out of sorts at the moment”, I tell him. “Things are unsettled, with no contact with others, no access to things that keep me balanced, and here you are waltzing in offering to remove things and people from my life without even giving a heads up to me or others. Just what kind of relationship is that anyway? Not one of respect I would imagine”. I was beyond caring what he thought, or the fact that I could be smacked at any time. Maybe I would become a witch on a milk carton coming up as missing or something. I was tired of shit, and it was time for some damn answers, no matter how I had to get them. I sat looking at him and he sat quietly pulling on his cigar, the silence lengthening between us. Finally he smiled and spoke. “You have always had fire, even when you came before me as a child. The mundane, you were meek and mild and yet when it came to matters of the spirit, you had fire. I’ve always admired that. You show no fear even when those who have more experience bow and scrape as lap dogs in the hope that I will provide some sort of service to them. “ He paused. “You have no ideas of all the keys you possess that others would do just about anything for, and yet, you use them as you will without even thinking about them”. “Who does that”?” he asked. I shrugged. “I do as I’ve always done”, I said. “things that Maman has shown me, things that I seem to know without knowing why that is, and other things I’ve learned. But we know all this. What I want to know is the why. Why dammit!?! Why do I do the things you ask without question,. Why do I still reach out when I know that sometimes it will not be welcomed, but is still necessary?” “You cannot heal the whole world, cher, “he said. “But you do help provide the balance for those who walk on a plane that is different than yours. You are one of those fortunate enough to cross at will, to do what needs to be done on either side. It’s why there are those who seek you out”. “You are one of those walkers who provide the balance that is needed on either side. A powerful weapon if one cared to use it as such”. I shook my head…”now who does that”, I asked. He laughed. “I think you may have run across a few who would love to know how to work that trick of the mirror. “. “Portals, tools..nothing more”, I said dismissively. “To you, yes. For you have no need of weapons. But to others, they can be used as such”. I agreed, for it’s the reason the mirrors in my home always have sigils on them to break the plane, in case someone is more than a little curious. We sat in silence a little longer. “Come Cher”, he said. “let’s have a drink”. “You know that always fucks with my head when I drink with you”, I laughed. He laughed as well. “I promise to allow you to set your own limit”. So we sat, drink in hand, listening to the waves. I looked up at the stars, shining brightly like little diamonds , and the atmosphere seemed changed. Less angry and more peaceful. “I’m sorry I yelled”, I said. He shrugged. “You are unsettled and demanded to be shown some things. Perhaps not as much as you would like, but we can speak our minds n’est pas” I shook my head in agreement. “Besides, its more than a little amusing for you to come in charging much as a fierce dragon”.he laughed. Awaking this morning, I am reminded that some things are not easy, nor will answers always come when we demand them. I was just reminded of things that I already knew, and maybe that in itself was an answer.