The old friendship is new again

I am sitting on the bank.  I like watching the play of the breeze upon the water below.  It’s the first time I’ve been back to the in-between in awhile.

“How long you going to stay mad at me Cher”, asks a familiar voice behind me.  I don’t even turn to look. “The thing abut trust.  It’s a difficult fence to rebuild.  It requires tiresome work”, I tell him.  Corwvyn sighs and sits down beside me. “I cannot change the things that happened”, he begins, “but I can make a promise to work harder at it never happening again”. I turn to look at him then.  He has aged since I last saw him. His silver hair longer and is eyes seem more tired. “So how are things”, I ask.  He throws his head back and laughs loudly.  “Know why I love you Cher? You can ask the most pointed questions without even asking what you really want to know”. I laugh as well and shrug my shoulders. “I don’t want to intentionally seem as if I am crossing boundaries.  If I ask circumferential then one can decide to tell me as much or as little as you want”.  He shakes his head amused. “To answer your direct question…my sister no longer controls the keep.  She and all who supported her have been banished.  My brother is ruler and his daughter is being groomed for her place when she is of proper age.”.  I raise an eyebrow but say nothing, so he continues.  “I am a consulate..one who walks the worlds and  does as I am required to do for our people.” I nod.  Big changes it seems.  Lot of challenges for my friend. Lot of work too.  “Seems you will be busy”, I say.  “What brings you here?” He smiles and looks at me. “I want to present us with a clean slate.  Start fresh, with no old hurts or misunderstandings interfering”. Wow…if he had come to me before, I’d have handed him his ass(or made a concerted effort to do so).  His betrayal of trust(even by omission) is hard for me. I locked the door so that he could not contact me, but have been thinking of relationships that I have done that with and considering if some deserve another chance or I should stick to my stubborn mind set and leave it as it is. I sigh deeply.  It’s a hard decision for me.  I’m not a vindictive person by nature, although when pushed or provoked I can become so.  Corwvyn sits and watches me as I go back and forth in my head about the pros and cons of such an alliance with him again. “If it helps any Cher, my being here is not connected in any way with my family or any of my people.  This is personal with me.  I miss our friendship, the laughter and the talks we have.  I miss you.  I know it’s my fault that I did not step in to keep you out of harm’s way, or to agree with you about insiders helping my sister.  I am most sorry about that.  I felt my place was beside my brother, and did not expect him to lay blame at your feet although you did nothing but help us from the beginning. I was wrong.  I ask you forgiveness and another chance to renew our friendship”. Tears begin to flow down my cheeks. “Why am I crying”, I think to myself. Maybe its because I too, miss having a friend who stands beside me when I need to talk things out with someone.  I don’t usually do that, even in the mundane because everyone else also has things going on, so I choose not to unload.  Makes it hard.  Corwvyn on the other hand has always encouraged me to speak on thoughts, dreams..worries.  I’ve missed him. So what to decide? If I do allow  the friendship to begin anew..can I trust him? Can I trust those who will indeed make their presence known although he says they will not…FFS! How can I be so damned indecisive? I close my eyes and just relax.  “Ok Cor..I’ll make a deal with you.I’m willing to start again..work this out but you cannot reveal it to anyone unless I agree to.” “But you will not have any such stipulations?” he asked. “Nope..those I tell already have my back and they help me stay balanced even when all hell is breaking loose”, I tell him. He nods.  …..~~SILENCE~ I’m beginning to wonder why he hesitates.  Is there another reason he is here after all? “Fine”, he says.  “I will allow you to dictate the rules concerning our friendship only because I really want us to be friends and because I have truly missed you”.  I look at him for a minute.  Reading his intent, seeking out any discernible deceit.  I find none, so agree as well.  Fr the first time he visibly relaxes. “I was really afraid you would send me packing and toss me over the cliff”, he laughed. “I considered it”, I conceded.  We sit in silence for a moment then he begins to talk to me like the old days. He tells me of what has happened with his people since I saw him last, of the changes they have made and how he feels about the direction they are headed now.  Seems as if I am not the only one that needs a place/person to vent to.  We talk for a long while catching up and then he has to leave.  “I have to go “, he says reluctantly.  “I have a meeting later with some of the outer villages about setting up their local leadership”.  I and and tel him I will see him again soon.  I stand and start to walk back to the entrance from my waking when he spies my companion.  “You travel with Brin these days”, he asks.  I look at him and tell him that she is always with me since it is safer than allowing myself to be harmed by those who don’t care how their goal is achieved”. He nods.  Brin and I begin to make our way home.  I look sideways at her and tell her “I know, I think I’m a little nuts as well.  We’ll see how this goes”. She gives me a quick hug and we go home.

Maybe I am more than a little crazy for allowing people to come and go in my life, but sometimes they serve a purpose.  I dont always get that lesson the first time around, so have to revisit from time to time. At least I’m playing the game safer this time around and that is always a good thing.