path related – Amethyst's Offerings

The ignorance of privilege

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am privileged. I know this, accept it for what it is, because I cannot change it. And to pretend otherwise would be ignorant on my part, not to mention dishonest.

What makes me privileged? I am a decently well educated white woman. While there are limits based upon gender and others who are more educated than I,

I still have options open to me based upon gender, or color. I have seen others treated abominably just because of their race, sexual preference and even their preferred faith or lack of it. And while I can empathize and yell with righteous indignation, I cannot truly relate to how they feel because of my status of privilege.

And yet I see many who reach out in their ignorance and pretend to do just that. They play the “I’m not racist” card all the while sitting up on their pedestal feeling all superior and demanding a pat on the back for being so sincere in their offers of “help”. “Oh honey, let me give you a hand up because I never want you to feel like you are a second class citizen ever again”. Nice in its premise that one can change someone else’s emotions and their perspective of the situation, but in actuality its bullshit. How one sees the situation is their opinion and you cannot change the way they feel about it. It’s theirs to own. You also cannot change others who treat people with a lack of respect both in their actions and words. If one could do so, it would make living in this world a whole lot nicer to live in. To speak and act as if by waving your magic wand you could will it is just ignorant. So you have familial issues, have friends of color, have a sexuality that suits you…does any of that make you a spokesperson for all those oppressed? Not by a long shot. You still can walk away. Go back to your life that has afforded you privileges others cannot help but wish they could obtain.

And those who feel the need to say, well I may not agree with your choice of lifestyle, faith etc…just take a look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself. You too fall within the realm of that racism tag. It may be a passive aggressive form, but its still there. So you have a friend who is gay,straight,black, white,Hispanic,pagan,catholic,agnostic,christian. If you still make jokes at their expense out of earshot, you still have issues that need cleared up. You m’dear are a bigot. You cannot say or act one way to their face and then speak or act differently when they cannot see you. Know what a true test of character is? It’s how you speak, act even when nobody is paying attention. Giving even when not looking for an attaboy. So don’t think that the little sanctimonious speech you give someone trying to prove how different you are than the offenders changes what you truly are inside. You are nothing more than a pharisee who stands before god saying “see how good I am..much better than my neighbor”. Here today, I am calling bullshit. Check that mirror, accept your faults and work harder on making yourself into a better person. If we all work on our own limitations, then we won’t have time to worry about how different someone else is. It’s a small step, but I’ve heard it said that the journey begins with such a task. Imagine that..the true experience of life is in the small details.

OATHBREAKER

I was tied down for my own good recently, but this night I went to the crossroads. As I sat under the bridge waiting for those who would come, I pulled my cloak around me. I had a feeling tonight was going to be eventful and I wanted to be ready. First came a friend who had waited for me the night before, but due to my being unwell I had kind of stood her up. We greet each other warmly and share a bottle of rum that I have with me. We speak about conversations we had started in the waking and things we needed to say to one anther but had not found the time to do so. She takes her leave with a promise to hang out later and I sit and wait for one that I know is sure to come. I don’t have long to wait. I smell the cigar before he gets to where I am sitting. “Under the bridge?” he asks amused. “I’m practicing my troll thing”, I tell him with a most serious voice. He throws his head back and laughs. He stretches his legs out and leans back against the wall of dirt that makes the bern of the bridge and tells me that I have grown much since we first met. No longer am I afraid of everyone and everything. Well duh..it was all so new that I was a little freaked out to be doing the things I was doing or knowing whom I knew. He laughs again and then sobers as we drink. “What do you know of oath breakers?” he asked. “I know that they don’t deserve to suck air”, I tell him. “To violate a trust given to one is almost one of the most unpardonable sins I can imagine.” One I will not tolerate. He nods. “And is there one in your midst?” I look up sharply. He does not ask these things lightly. There is always a reason. “Apparently I do or you would not ask”, I say. The cold that he usually keeps at bay as I sit with him begins to invade my bones. “My apologies for cutting this short, but I have someone to go find”, I tell him. “Quite alright Cher,” he says. “We will speak again”. And with that he strides away. I make my way to the road and set off, calling Brin to me. We discuss whom within my circle would dare to be so stupid and piss me off by violating my trust. We come up with a couple of candidates, and speak on how to rectify this situation. As we walk, I see a light from a fire up ahead and something calls to me…that feeling of needing to see what is there. I ask Brin to secrete herself until I call for her and instantly she goes invisible. I shake my head smiling. I really wish I knew how she does that. I hear a child’s voice crying. “Please tell my Nana where I am”, it says. “OMFD! That sweet voice belongs to the princess and whoever has her will pay dearly. I step into the clearing. “I am here Sweet Face”, I tell her. Sit tight and I will come to you.”. She is sitting in the middle of a trail of honey that circles around her. I see an army of ants that are approaching, and know that she is terrified. She doesn’t care much for bugs in the waking, so know that here in the elsewhere, she is afraid. I pick up the leader of the ants gently and speak with him. I tell him that the child belongs to me and that if he will allow me to remove her, then the honey will be left for them all. He agrees, and I return him to his army. They remain still. I walk closer to the princess and someone steps out. It is the man with no feet. “Are you not tired of getting your ass kicked”, I ask? He snorts and gestures to his missing feet. “I am still upright”, he says, “so obviously you aren’t doing too much good with your puny attempts”. I smile slightly. “My mistake. One that will NOT happen again”, I tell him. But first things first. the child has to be removed or the ants will lose patience. I call Brin to me and she appears. The man with no feet’s eyes widen and he yells. “I told them you work with demons! How else would you be able to stay out of the traps! Evil bitch! Stay away from me”! I shake my head and tell Brin to remove the baby and take her home. She doesn’t want to leave me, but we hear movement in the bushes and George and the dog both appear. I laugh. “Were you hunting for us or something else?” I ask. “Something else”, he says. I tell Brin that George and the dog will stay with me but she needs to take the princess home and remain with her to keep her safe. She agrees and I tell the princess that she will be going home. I remove her and hold her close to warm her and put her into a sleep before handing her to Brin. They leave and I relax a bit because I know that no more harm will befall her. As we move out away from the circle of honey, the ants claim their reward. I then turn my attention to the man with no feet. I call upon my sword and advance softly. I am one pissed witch. George and the dog follow behind me. The man with no feet tries to back up but has nowhere to go since there is a large tree behind him. I corner him and pin his arms and legs with the daggers that have materialized from thin air. I am going to make sure you do not bother me and mine ever again. “If you spare my life, I will tell you who of your circle helped me”, he begins. I stop. As much as I would love to eviscerate him and dine upon his entrails, I am aware that if I do not stop the leak within my “house” others such as the princess will again be used as bait or worse. I howl in frustration. “I want to kill your fucking ass and dance in your blood, feast upon your entrails and make trinkets of your skull”, I yell at him. “For fuck’s sake! You have no shame in using a scared child!” As I am yelling, daggers keep coming and hitting the tree making an outline of his body(I could become a circus act given this talent). He keeps whining and begging. Finally George puts his hand on my shoulder. “I know you want to kill him cher, but you need to use him right now”, he says. I look up at him with tears on my face. I do know he is right, but damn this cuts me in two. “Fine”. I turn to the man with no feet who is still whining like the fucking asscricket he is and I ask him, “who was it”? He begins with a rambling answer and I place my sword at his throat. “My patience is sorely limited so this had better be a direct answer, who is it”? Whether it was the sword held at his throat or the look on my face, he tells me the name. Fine..a person on the list, not so unexpected after all and proving that I do know those in my circle after all. I am a little relieved. I tell George and the dog to do what they will with the man with no feet, I have no use for him and I hear him yell after me as I move on farther in search of the oath breaker. No matter..I care less what he says..he will be dealt with. I find her. She sits on a log crying. “Why do you cry”? I ask her. She looks up at me bruised and battered. “He said he would not hurt her or you if I helped, but when she cried, I tried to help her and he slapped me around”. The coldness that surrounded me as I looked at her would have made one thing I was the ghede…there was nothing but contempt for her now. She still speaks as a child. “Why would you do this to me? To the baby? For someone you don’t even fucking know”? I ask. “I just wanted your attention”, she whined. “We don’t talk anymore and when we do, you’re usually telling me how ignorant I am for listening to others”. “Wait. Let me get this straight. You are feeling butthurt over my lack of coddling so you violated the trust between us and allowed someone who is nothing but a crap of shit to harm one that I would give my life for. Does that about cover it?” She bows her head and whispers “I am sorry”. “Yeah well sorry doesn’t even begin to come close to covering this shit …this time its gone too far. I am breaking that bond between us and severing the ties. You will not have a moment’s peace..the dreams will not be filled with puppies and lollipops, they will have shiamats blood..things that will remind you that you are feast for the crows. We are done.” Most would not think I would allow an oath breaker to survive, but this removal of self is sufficient until I can get past the anger. I turn to return home and she whines yet again, “Aren’t you going to help me get home”? My rage is almost more than I can stand. here she almost cost me a gift so dear and violated a trust that I held sacred and yet still has the audacity to ask no demand help? I take a few seconds to breathe deep and collect myself before turning. ” I am not helping you do shit, I say. “What I can do is allow some light for you to find your own way back”. With that, I wave my hands and light appear through the woods as if they are a garden path lit up by fairy lights. “Go home”, I tell her tiredly. She gets to her feet and still crying, she makes her way following the lights. I turn and make my way home.I find Brin has tucked the princess into bed and she is unharmed, if a little restless. I remove my cloak and crawl into bed beside her, pulling her close to me. We finish the night that way. Brin standing guard. What happened to the man with no feet? I don’t know, don’t care. I left that in George’s capable hands. Whatever he decided is fine by me.
When we awoke this morning, the princess looked at me and asked if there were bugs. I tell her no, they don’t come into our home. She is relieved. We spend part of the morning playing tea party and enjoying the laughter and time spent together. Brin stands watch. Never again will ANYONE be allowed close enough to use the child as a weapon. It’s time to start taking care of shit I had let slide and those who question or disagree will fall by the wayside. If they don’t, then they too will be dealt with. Today I am still pissed, so tread lightly.

tricks or treat

I opened the door and there he stood in all of his ash-ness. Ghede. “May I help you?” I asked. He smiled and held open a bag. “I have brought your costume M’lady” he answered. Costume I thought? The hell? “I wish to try out your treating” he says. Light bulb clicks on..Okay..give me a minute and I will accompany you. So I go to change into the costume he has brought me..sort of a sexy antebellum with entirely too much lace and not enough coverage up top, but hey..not gonna argue with the dead. So we make our way down the street stopping at houses along the way to collect candy. At each house, after receiving his prize he looks to see what he got. “What does one do with this”, he asked as he held up a Bit of Honey bar. I smile. “You eat it”. He starts to put it in his mouth and I stop him to tell him to remove the paper. He does and I smile as I watch the look of pleasure come over his face. “This is good” he says excitedly. “I want some more”. So we set off to the other house and at each one he hold the wrapper up and asks if they have any. “I swear”, I think to myself. “can’t take the dead anywhere”. As we finished with the last house and my friend’s bag was full of Bit of Honey’s, we enter a hall where there is a costume party already in progress. My friend and I take a seat where some others have already been seated and he speaks with them as I look around. He shows them his lot, shares the candy which they all agree is this side of heaven and I shake my head in amusement. “May I have this dance Cher”, says a familiar voice. I look up and find The Rummer in all his finery holding out his hand to me. I accept his hand and we make our way to the dance floor. “A most fetching costume” he says. “One I’m sure you had a hand in choosing” I replied smiling. He feigned innocence(yeah right), but we both laughed and as we danced, he kept me entertained with various anecdotes about those dancing around us. We spoke of the one who came to treat with me. “Why him”, I asked. “He wanted to meet you and see what its like to see things as a child does”. came the reply. “He loves the Bit of Honey candy” I laughed. “Think about why that is”. I know that honey is used as a trap I say..then stop because I spy familiar eyes looking at me from behind a gold mask. I may not have seen an actual face before, but I can certainly smell the stench. My dance partner was watching this all unfold. “Your face is very expressive cher”, he remarked. “One can see the emotions flit one after another. They tell quite a story”. “Did you set this up”? I ask quietly. “Non, I allowed certain things to happen, but sometimes one can choose to confront things head on n’est pas?”I incline my head in agreement but say nothing. “Let’s go get something to drink” he says. We move to make our way to the refreshment tables when there he is. The man with the gold mask. “I’ve brought you something to drink Lovely Lady” he says with a mocking, leering grin on his face. I take the glass from him and act as if I am going to drink from it. I can tell from the smell that there is more than punch or alcohol within the confines of the glass and suddenly I can stand no more. I toss the punch in his face and my sword is within my hand and I push his ass against the wall. “Listen here you full of shit bogus motherfucker. I am tired of the half assed attempt on myself and others. I do not notice that the room has parted and that those who were dancing have stopped to watch. My dance partner rests against a wall with a look of amusement on his face. I continue with my tirade. “Your lack of respect for others outside your closed minds and fake assembly of faith reeks. You can try and hide behind your so-called pious acts of religion and make all sorts of claims but it all is bullshit to the nth degree. I have had enough. ENOUGH dammit and if you make any more moves and try to call in those who you claim to know…I am going to eviscerate your ass and leave you for the worms. Crows wont have enough to make a fucking appetizer of you.” He casts his eyes toward The Rummer who is now laughing openly and demands if he will not help him. “Mon amie, I am a wise man, have seen many things, experienced them as well and even I know better than to fuck with an angry woman holding a sword to my throat. The man behind the mask suddenly swallows as he realizes that there will be no help from any quarter. I tell him that he is to leave and that the next time I see him, he will be a dead man and will not enjoy any aspect of that particular plane. The man leaves and my sword is one again hidden. My dance partner lazily removes himself from his cat bird seat against the wall. He takes my hand and tells me that I still owe him the remainder of a dance. I laugh and shake my head and so we continue and everyone else does the same. We speak on the situation that presented itself, what will and will not happen. I am satisfied that things will soon calm itself from that area. We walk back to the table where my friend has finished his candy and he is to to return me home directly, with no detours on his return. He nods and we make our way back to my home. “Thank you ” he said. “For allowing me to treat with you”. I smile. He’s a kid really, still learning. “My pleasure” I say. We reach my door and I bid goodbye. “For you” I say and hand him one last Bit of Honey. I watch as his eyes light up and he laughs and takes it from me. “Directly home now” I say sternly. He nods and makes his way back in the direction from whence we came and I laugh as I see him unwrap the candy and put it in his mouth, hear his sigh of appreciation at the taste. I shake my head and make my way inside to find my bed and consider all that has transpired.

All in all I guess I did get some tricks in with those treats after all

We don’t need another hero

My apologies to the great Tina Turner, for swiping the title to her song. But it seemed to fit where my thoughts were going today.

We’ve all seen the Chicken Littles. Those people who after having been hit on the head by an acorn, run around searching for “someone”to come and save them from the falling sky. These are the people who step out into areas they have no idea of how it works and get into trouble then demand a lifeline. “Help me”! I hear over and over again, as do others, from people who will NOT listen to those more experienced who warn them to not go into the deep end. “But I can do this..I know what to expect…I can be like you. Hey we’ll make it a party and meet up in the Otherworlds..that will be cool right?” NO. They don’t listen. What happens? They end up doing what was told that they should not do and end up out there on the ledge barely clinging to sanity, seeking medical help from those who only know how to write for drugs because they refuse to believe that the Otherworld exists. Is there help for them? Yes. Apologize to those they pissed off across the divide, and close the door. Then work on regaining some balance into their lives, letting go of all the role playing they’ve been into and going out into the sunshine and experiencing some real connections with others. You’ll notice that I made no mention of anyone else doing this? That is because personal responsibility decrees that YOU brought this shit to your door..YOU dismiss it. It doesn’t belong to anyone else. And don’t get me started on those who work without once thinking of protecting themselves then wonder why they have company. Be careful what you ask for cause you may just get it…sort of.

What about those IRL(IN Real Life) who whine about everything in their lives from lack of finances, abusive people in their lives, yet stay in their situation without making a move to change it, or spending money frivolously then complaining the next minute how broke they are. For myself, it’s easy enough to say..if you are being treated less than you are worth, then move the hell on. Tell your fears to take a hike and use it as the impetus to make yourself stronger and become whole. If you can’t pay your bills, then set yourself a budget, writing down every dime you spend, doing without sodas, breakfast,lunch,dinner out, or going to fairs, entertainments like movies etc. When you can pay all your bills and breathe without feeling stressed at not having lights on or gas for your car to get to work, then and only then can you treat yourself. It’s common sense people. Nobody needs to show you the way “home”. I see all the ads for companies that want to help you get out of debt(for a price–always a string attached)…It’s like nobody has ever told these people using the services that you do not outspend what you do not have. Bills get paid first, kids needs come next. Why? because it’s called being an adult…personal responsibility. No matter what side of the divide we find ourselves on, it is our personal responsibility to make sure that what we do doesn’t come back to bite us in the ass, leaving us to whine and cry expecting someone to swim out and save us. We don’t need another hero people, we just need to grow the fuck up.

Fire and water

Apparently I am protected by those who have always done so..I had no intention of going anywhere, and yet I find myself in a boat going down the bayou to a protected glade. I reach the shore and smile as I catch the scent of herbs already wafting through the air. Yet as I reach the protected circle, I dont see anyone close by , but the cauldron is in full roar and I swear I can hear the beginning rhythm of drums. I push back the hood of my cloak and make my way to the fire and breathe deeply. The herbs fill me with sense of purpose, their pungent odor of pepper and other sundries making me grin as I realize the direction of this night. I sense Brin has set up a protective pose at the entrance , yet do not turn to see. She has protected me as I worked many times, so there is no need for me to make sure she does her job. I don’t even have to ask who set this up. I am aware of those who direct my steps, and I even know to whom this work is going. If they had not been arrogant in their treatment of others, this might not have been necessary, and yet I feel no remorse at directing such a work. I begin the words that come from others before me..speaking each tone precisely in a language that is not my own. I pull in from around me, energies that grow as I call the storm to me to be pushed out, gathering more rain as it grows. The sound of drums continue, increasing in volume and my feet seem to dance as with a will of their own. I turn and move around the circle, and feel the tempest within grow as I move. In and out, around and about. I see the subject of today in my mind’s eye and smile as I reach out and touch them. Do they suspect what is coming their way? Perhaps..just that feeling of an edge..the sense of “something” is close by. Never mind “friend”…you’ll know soon enough. I continue to dance, building that energy to crescendo level and send it on its way, shouting as I do so. Never mind the words that went with it, they weren’t meant for others to know. But they have significance. I feel that heaviness come over me as it always does after I work and have released that energy flux, so I make my way back to the fire. I make myself some coffee and add a liberal dash of rum. Ahh..the satisfaction that fills me cannot be measured. I continue to sit and relax and contemplate a work well done. Finished with my coffee, I put out the fire until later use, pull my cloak closer and pull the hood up over my head and make my way back to the water’s edge as I make my way back home. Brin follows close behind, ever watchful, over protective as is her way.
I awake this morning with a sense of calm. After all, I am not the one caught up in the tempest. Consequences have repercussions that often reverberate louder and longer than many understand. So I believe I’ll begin the day with coffee and rum…raises cup to the storm..slainte’

ice within

I am sitting on a rock in the dark. I an in my favorite spot to meditate by the ocean high upon the cliffs but do not usually come here in the dark. Unless things around me seem frayed. I don’t feel frayed really, more of a discontent from sitting instead of working and a way to feel connected instead of feeling like I am floating in the cosmos. And yet, here I am in the “thinking” spot, in the dark. I pull my cloak around me to shield myself from the cold that is drifting in. I think that’s odd because it is usually comfortable here when I come since extreme temps can distract me from finding the balance I come looking for. But then, I don’t usually come in the dark either. So why am I here? At this point I can only speculate.

“Nice to see you looking well Cher”, says a familiar voice. I smile as I turn around to face one that I have not seen for some time. “I’ve missed you Brother”, I tell him. “I would offer to hug you, but…” his voice trails as he shrugs. I know that the cold will seep into my bones if I were to do so, but I have missed him dearly and reach for him, pulling him close in an embrace. At once the cold begins to invade my bones, and he pushes me back gently. “Can’t have you chilled”, he laughs. So we move to a space out of the winds that seem to have arrived with him and take shelter within a small area with a ledge overhand that blocks the chill. “You taking care of me now”? I tease. He laughs and says seriously..”You are my bridge back and forth, can’t allow you to be harmed”. So I sit with my back against a rock, relaxing as he lights a small fire for me. I smile as I think of how often on mundane plane he must have done so. Soon he is satisfied and comes to sit beside me. We begin to talk… of my life, his existence and what things feel like for each of us as we traverse our way. “So tell me why the disconnect”, he asks. “What disconnect”, I ask? He sighs and shakes his head. “You are pulling away Cher…from people, from those who could/would help you. I want to know why”. I honestly have no idea and tell him this. It’s a dissatisfaction with things in general..the mundane, the spiritual. With myself. I tell him that since I have no clue as to why the disconnect, I really do not have a way to fix it. “Why don’t you talk to those who are already connected to you”. I sigh. How to explain that old habits have crept in..the “I don’t want to bother/worry you” habit that keeps me silent and removed. I feel like I’m hanging out in limbo somewhere..wanting to smash things to break the silence of the bubble that is around me…But just how does one fix that? “There are no easy fixes”, he tells me…”you know that. But to not avail yourself of those who would listen as you spin, can be helpful because they might see some things you don’t.”. “And what if I don’t want them to see? You know I hate mirrors”, I laugh. He shakes his head. “And will use sarcasm as a weapon of deflection every.time.” I look down at my hands, my rings reflecting the light of the fire. He takes my hand where the ring of tiger’s eye sits. He smiles. “You wear that ring as I once did. Did I tell you it was made on the reservation?” Yes , he had told me. “Did I tell you that I had it blessed by the medicine man of the tribe after I went though the spiritual purification? No, he had not done so. “I always wore it because of that spiritual connection to the earth and blessing. You wear it in remembrance. Now I ask you to open and allow that blessing to surround you. To allow its healing warmth to draw you back to first knowledge, love and connection”. The tears fall even now as they did within my dream as I hear his words to me and feel the blessing that was placed within a small piece of silver and stone. I had only thought of it and held it as a direct connection to one that I had loved with all of my being and lost too soon, and now here he was letting me know that it holds so much more. He waits until I compose myself to again take my hand. “I am always close and I know that you can find me should you need me to listen, Miss walker between the worlds”, he gently teases. “Don’t allow the walls you build get so high that you cannot look over them or keep you from moving forward. I know that you value your privacy and use it as protection. Don’t allow it to become the way you live life because others love to see your light”. I smile through my tears. “You know being an adult sucks sometimes right?”. He laughs. “I wouldn’t know. You always told me that I wasn’t one”. He ducks from my pretend punch. We both laugh. Some things never change.
Too soon he has to leave. “Stay by the fire”, he says. “If things haven’t changed, you will still want to think and this will be more comfortable”. He places a kiss on my forehead and makes his way back into the shadows. I want to call him back. It’s selfish I know, to want to keep him with me, when he has things to do. he can’t be here on the mundane and I can’t stay within the shadows. Brin soon joins me and sits beside me. I curl up next to her, feeling comfort in the protection of her nearness. She begins to sing me to sleep with the song of old that even though I do not know the words, still fills my heart, melting the ice that I feel within my bones. It’s a start I guess. No clue as to how long it will take to find level ground, but I’ll make it. Maybe it IS time to make some changes with the new year rolling in…we’ll see. Until then, the status quo will exist for a bit I guess until I get sick of myself.

Are you for real?

So I’ve been in another form of social media today…Tumblr. It’s a cute little place, offering a view of those who comment, write little posts, post pictures , etc. I like it..most days.

So there is one blog that I’ve seen come across the feeds today. They have a metaphysical store online, do readings(saw them do some free ones on the site itself yesterday), and an interesting blog. Today, I read something interesting. The girl was telling of a spiritual encounter she had that had her concerned. First it was just a glimpse from the side that had her undecided if said entity is there or not. So after she gets offline, yet leaving her computer on for light since she is a little stressed that there may be an entity there, she goes to bed. She sees the spirit by the door..her only exit out, so then proceeds to freak the hell out. She then pulls the covers over head and says she can feel bumps, and like the entity is standing on her bed. Today she has migraine from lack of sleep she says and will not read or mess with the magical in any way since she is freaked out. I asked (anonymously)if perhaps she had opened a portal(logical thought process). Her reply? There were several witches in the house and they are all careful when working within the house. Wait…Back this magical tour up. You “read” tarot, do spellwork, sell the metaphysical and sound knowledgeable enough when speaking with others online, and one new entity freaks you out? There are multiple witches working within one home and ALL protect and shield before they do so? There are regular spirits whom dwell within the home and you as witch of the abode(although not head ) do not demand to know who they are and what the hell they want? that is about as fucked up as a soup sandwich, so I’m throwing down the bullshit gauntlet. As I explained to a friend who says that they speak and act like others online..that they portray themselves as having knowledge. They offer said knowledge to others..for a price via their store. They read for free on tumblr..I can’t fault them for that because sometimes its a great way to hone skills..reading for unknown people..but the caveat emptor applies to those readings..buyer beware..you get what you pay for sometimes. It brings to mind the scene in the Wizard of Oz as toto pulls back the curtain to expose the wizard as nothing more than a mere mortal of a man who sold snake oil back in the mundane.
I am not an expert by any means, but as one who walks with a foot in both worlds, I do expect those who claim to have experience to act that way. To not whine about how scared they are about encounters with a new spirit. So to the one I mentioned, here it is simply:You left a light on, probably when you opened to read, and did not turn it off. That you were the only one to see this new spirit or feel the presence means you called it. Own that and take care of it. The other house regulars will not be pleased if the situation is not resolved. And ffs…get some education! You have some interesting energy…now learn something to go with it. It makes you look like the myriad of people online who talk a good game and are full of shit. And we’ve had all the fluff anyone can stand.

DEUCES

Chickadee

I am alone. Seems to be how I spend my time as of late, both in the mundane as well as in the dreaming. I am in my favorite place to meditate. High on the cliff overlooking the ocean. There is a path to my left where I can walk down to the beach if I wish and walk the beach or gather shells or even splash in the waves if I choose, but none of that interests me right now. I feel cold..Not just physically, but inside as well . Depressed? Maybe. But its more of a need to want to yell at the stupidity I see that keeps perpetuating itself on a daily basis. I thought I protected myself better..maybe I have been too lax at not keeping the webs pulled tight so that others cannot cross them. ~shrugs~ Whatever the issue is..it pulls on me and I feel the need to retreat. There are those I could ask for an assist, but they have enough going on right now, so I tough it out…not like it’s not unfamiliar territory. So I sit and watch the waves.

“Come climb to my branches Chickadee,” says the tall pines. ” I will gather you close and caress you until you are feeling stronger. ” I smile at the thought of having my face stroked by the feathered branches of a pine tree that stands to remind me of being grounded and connected to the earth. I smile my gratitude at the tree and thank it for the offer. But I cannot accept, because to give in would leave me feeling weak and I hate that feeling even more than when I’m feeling this disquiet within me.

“Come fly with me chickadee”, says a voice high above me. I look up and see a shadow soaring over the waves , silhouetted against the sun. A hawk dips and soars through the clouds as if he is a kite untethered on the winds. “I will allow you to feel the winds upon your face, see the sun up close and we can soar and travel as far as the eye can see”. The thought occurs to me that this would be most pleasant actually…the idea of running off and leaving what causes the chaos in my life. But the practicality of it all…yeah that sense of responsibility that seems to be deep seated within my genes wont allow me to do that. Besides, I would probably turn into Icarus flying so close to the sun and fall into the ocean itself to drown.

“Come dance in the waves, Chickadee”, says a voice far below me. I look and see a vision of perfection just nearing the waters edge. She holds a hand aloft as she waves at me. Beautiful in her bronze colored dress, her brown skin shining like the finest of chocolate. I smile as I remember the taste of the honey when last we spoke. “Come and we will dance among the waves and feel how much love surrounds us”. I would love to I tell myself, but there is always payment required and I have no offering of honey or perfume to give her for her love and help when I require it.

I continue to sit as the night begins to fall around me, turning the air cooler. It begins to rain, causing me to become even further chilled. Suddenly I feel warmth. I look around and find that one who loves me and guides me has brought my cloak so that I may continue to sit and contemplate things without becoming ill. I realize it is beginning to rain harder and so I cast a protection around myself and Brin. She looks askance at me and I tell her, “I know that you are immune to weather, but I could not hardly sit here in the weather and know that you are here because I am and are getting wet. I continue speaking. “I don’t know why you can’t just tell me what it is I am supposed to be learning here. “What the hell am I doing?” She lifts an eyebrow and looks at me sadly. I continue, crying as I do so. “Why am I not supposed to know how to do things? what is the purpose of relearning things I have always known but do not use?” “It’s hard and I feel like I am hanging out here on this web all by myself because people have no damn clue why I do what I do..hell I’m not even sure I do”. I continue to cry and feel Brin put her arms around me and pull me close. I can feel her grieve for and with me because she knows that no matter how much I am hurting now, it will pass, because realist that I am, know I still have much to learn and work to do. I see a tear slide down her face, and land upon my hand. A beautiful amethyst tear. I begin to pull myself together because this guide , my friend who has been with me for so long..longer than I can remember, is hurting for me because she cannot break her oath..to those who gave her to me..she is to guide..not tell me everything. she cannot even make decisions for me, just help me clean up the mess when I fuck up..and I seem to do that often. “I’m sorry Brin”, I tell her. I’ll be fine. “. We sit a while longer and watch the foam appear on the waves and the shadows creep in as night falls. I feel somewhat better. I didn’t solve any major issues, but sometimes one just has to separate yourself from others to cry out about all the perceived injustices of being the responsible party…the adult if you will. some days that sucks sewer water, and is most damned unfair.

FADE TO BLACK

Check

I am cold. so cold that my limbs seemingly are turned to ice and dont have the power to move. I open my eyes and see only blackness. not the warm comfort of shadows, but the empty soulless cold blackness that pervades every fibre of my being. Where in the fuck am I? “Are you awake Shae?” I hear a familiar voice ask. Corwvyn? Where is he? “I am in a cell just across from yours”, he replies. I forget that I have no need to speak aloud, so am a little surprised that he answered me. I am tired of this damn darkness as well, so I pull myself into a sitting position and stretch out my right hand. “I sure hope George was right when he made me study all those formularies”, I think to myself. I concentrate and soon a small blue energy ball is bouncing just above my palm. It’s enough to work as a small penlight and I move my hand around to see my surroundings. Fuck! Maybe I should have just stayed in the dark I think. I am on a cold floor of a cell in what looks like a dungeon. Great. Where in the hell am I and I am so fucked when I get out of here. “We are in the dungeon of the keep.” Corwvyn tells me. “Aaryana brought us here”. Ahh..the red queen who acts as if she is the
Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland. Wonderful. I realize that my cloak is beside me so I pull it to me and instantly feel warmer. The heat begins to move through me and I can soon stand and move my feet. Damn..so that’s what being dead is like..sort of. I hear Corwvyn laugh. “I’m sure if you ask nicely, our hostess will accommodate that curiosity”. “Fuck you..was just a random thought”. He laughs…”and if we get out of here..perhaps I can”….”Ok stop right there…You and I will talk on that later”…”Jebus,” I think to myself”. I move around the perimeter of the cell. Empty and cold is all there is. Damn, she could at least have provided some hay or something. Right…She being the good hostess and all. I soon come to the front of the cell and see that it is iron bars. O put my left hand to the bar and find that amazingly enough, it goes right through. WTF? How is this even possible? So if the hand goes through..maybe my body as well? Worth a try. I move forward and voila! I am out into a narrow hallway. “Corwvyn”, I call softly. “Where are you?” I ask. “To your right across from you” he answers. I find the cell and move through the bars there. I can see him shackled to the wall, with iron shackles around his neck, wrists and legs. “Damn”, I say. “Your sister sure didn’t want you leaving any time soon”. Corwvyn looks at me a little confused. “How did you get in here?” he asks. “I’m not really sure. George has had me studying formularies, moving energy and changing it to morph..so I visualized myself through the bars and here I am.” He laughs. “Aaryana worries about the wrong one of us, I think”. I look at the shackles. “She used iron”? I ask. “What a bitch”. I know that the iron was used to hurt the elves in past wars and is one metal they cannot break. I shrug and look at the shackles closer. I reach out and touch it, and feel the vibration of the metal. “What are you doing”, asks Corwvyn. “Shh”, I tell him. “I’m listening”. I move my hand across it and concentrate , feeling the vibration within me. I hear a click and the shackle falls off into my hand. “I am not even going to ask because frankly, you are beginning to freak me out with this new power of yours”. I smile. “It’s not new. It’s just newly remembered”, as I think back to a conversation I have had recently with George. “Now, let me deal with the rest”. I move to the remaining shackles and as with the first, they all fall harmlessly to the floor. I pick them up and toss them in a corner in distaste. I look and see the burns where the iron had been and reach out to help my friend. “Hold still” I tell him. “this may sting”. I place my hands on his neck and begin the healing process.
Soon it is just a small pink line instead of the horrible burn that had been there. I move on to his hands and feet doing the same each time. “That is all I can for now”, I tell him somewhat weakly. “It takes a lot to heal like that without the herbs”. He smiles and takes my hands into his, and shakes his head. “You are an amazing witch” , he says. Corwvyn pulls himself to his feet. “Are you all right”? I ask. “I’m well enough”, he replies. “Now to see about getting out of here. He moves to the cell front and rattles the bars. “I’m afraid that I cannot do as you did and apparate through”. “Maybe I can find the keys”, I tell him and move through the bars. I move down the hall and see some others in cells, and there on a peg on the wall just ahead is a set of keys. I hear a noise that sounds as if someone is coming. “In here girl”, a voice calls to me. I move into the cell, and extinguish the light. A guard comes down and stops just short of the cell. “I could swear I heard something”, he says. His companion laughs from the top of the stairs. “The Queen Bitch has us all on edge. It was nothing”. The first guard shrugs his shoulders and goes back upstairs. I breathe a sigh of relief as the door slams shut above my head. I relight my orb and look around to thank the one who’s cell I had been allowed to seek sanctuary and I see him. Sitting on a pile of cloth rags. His hair grown out in a long silver cloud that flowed around his shoulders. His eyes mere white orbs in his dark face. I realize that physically he cannot see me, and yet is more than aware of where and who I am. “Are you all right good sir?” I inquire. He smiles. “I have been waiting for you to come girl,” he says. “You knew I was coming?” I asked. “I could feel the energy building and smelled your scent”, he said. I shook my head. Things work on a faster time frame in the elsewhere. “My name is Shae”, I tell him. “I am called Draengile””I am honored to meet you”, I tell him. ” I am going to get the keys and open the cell doors”, I tell him. He nods and I move through the bars again back into the hall. I reach the keys and quietly begin unlocking the doors. As I do the inhabitants of the cells begin to spill out into the hallways. Women, men, children…all looking at one another as if they cannot believe what is happening or why a human would be doing so. Draengile comes out of his cell. He tells them all quietly to stand still and be quiet as possible so as to not attract attention. They do so. I finally reach the cell of my friend and let him out. “Took you long enough” he chuckled. Sorry, I was busy trying not to get my ass caught”. He looked at me curiously. “A guard”, I replied. “I hid in someone named Draengile’s cell”. “That is my uncle…head of our clan”, he replied. “I am glad he has survived, because he has been here for over 10 years.” I give Corwvyn am incredulous look. “Ten years?” “My sister has been at this awhile”, he replies bitterly. We move into the hall and make our way to where Draengile waits with the others. “I am most pleased to greet you Uncle”, Corwvyn tells him as he grasps his forearms. “I told your witch that she took her sweet time”, laughed Draengile. “She has other responsibilities, bgan Corwvyn”. Draengile interrupts. “It was a bit of a joke boy..I know she cannot come at our every beck and call. Although I am most grateful that she is here”. “Now let us leave this place before we are found loose”. “Which way do we go?” asked a voice from the back. At the hesitation before me, I allow my senses tell me. “We go forward, down the hall, then to the left. It leads outside the keep”. “Then we do as is suggested”, said Draengile. “Lead the way girl”, he says. I move to the front of the group with Corwvyn beside me. “Are you sure you know where we are going”? he asked. “She knows”, comes a voice behind us. I give Corwvyn a wry smile. “Apparently I do”, I reply. We move stealthily down the hall and come to a huge iron door. It was locked of course. Nothing in this keep seems to be open. “Wait here while I see what awaits us outside”, I say. I apparate through the door and see that we are just outside the keep near the grape arbors. I return to the others inside and tell them what I see. “So how are we to get out”, calls a voice in the back. “We cannot do as the witch does”. There is a murmur of agreement. Corwvyn looks at me and arches an eyebrow as if to say…well? I shrug and place my hands on the door as I did the shackles. I can feel the hum and the door begin to vibrate under my palms. Then just as before, I hear the latch click and I push it open. I hear a collective sigh of relief from the captives and we being to file out one by one, some blinking in the dim sunlight, that while not bright was considerably brighter than the darkness they had been held in. As I watch the children come out , some with parents, others without, I turn to Corwvyn and his uncle. “Just what in the hell is wrong with your sister that she harms children?” He shrugged helplessly. “She has always wanted things that did not belong to her”, he began”the children were taken with their parents so as to not be left behind. “She still seeks the one from legend”. “Okay, I am confused”, I say. “Is not your niece, Davla the chosen?” At this Draengile starts. “Is this so nephew”? he asks. “She is”, says Corwvyn. “And where is she”? I ask. “Dav has them hidden well until we can sort this all out”, he says. We begin to join the others who by now have made their way into the edges of the woods past the arbor. “Neighbors”calls Draengile. “Might I suggest that we all move toward the sanctuary secluded within the hills so as to not be discovered when they find us all released.”. They all nodded their ascent, and he and Corwvyn lead the way with me bringing up the rear looking over my shoulder every so often so as to make sure we are not followed. We walk a long way, stopping often to allow the children to rest since they have been confined a long while and are not used to the exercise. At our last rest stop, I am sitting under a tree, leaning back against the trunk, gaining energy from it. I am joined by Corwvyn who takes my hand. “I want to thanks you”, he begins. “It is not many who would risk so much to help those not like themselves”. “Is this a way of getting me to speak on that other subject”?, I ask wryly without opening my eyes. He leans his head back and laughs loudly. “No, was serious, but now that you mention it”…I laugh as well. Your timing sucks Corwvyn I tell him. “Indeed”, he agrees smiling all the while. We get up and join the others who are beginning to walk past us. And we soon arrive to what appeared to be a tall hill covered in briars. I look at Corwvyn who brings a small pipe from his pocket and plays a small song , and the briars move back to allow us passage. “Catchy tune”, I whisper to my friend as I move past him. He grins and follows me as the briars close behind us. There below us is a small village with campfires and wagons that house families displaced by the arrogant queen. Dav moves to greet us and hug his uncle. He then turns to me. “We seem to be in your debt once more swamp witch”. he says seriously. “I am happy to be of service, ” I tell him. “No payment is required”. He looks at me and nods, then moves to direct those we have brought with us to where they will be quartered and can find food and healing services if required. “I really need to get back on-grid”, I tell Corwvyn. I am so going to catch hell for removing the protection”. He nods and escorts me to a bridge that I had not noticed. “This will direct you to Brin”, he said. He leans forward and kisses me. “I thank you for coming to my aid, yet again. If there is ever a need..just say the word and it shall be.”. I smile and release his hand and begin my ascent over the bridge. As I come to the other side, I see Brin patiently waiting for me and on a rock nearby is George and the dog. I sigh heavily because I think this cannot be a good thing. And yet as I come closer I see on their faces acceptance that this was something that was required of me because of my allegiance to my friends. “I’m glad I didnt have to come get you this time”, says George gruffly. “Nice to see you too George”, I say smiling. I stroke the black dog’s massive head. “Been hunting”? I inquire. “No, was waiting to see if you needed the help”, came the reply. “I’m glad that I did not”, I say. I could not be sure, but I think I heard him say “me too”. “George,” I say”I do want to thank you for making me do those extra lessons. They came in quite handy, I must say”. He laughs. As we come to the edge of elsewhere, just about to come back to our own realm..I hear a massive screech. “What the hell is that?” I ask. Brin and George begin to laugh loudly. “That Cher, is the sound of a queen who has been witchfucked within her own house, and she is most unhappy”. “Oh”. I begin to giggle. “What I did was little of nothing,” I say. “Just helped some folks out”. George laughed. “Sometimes cher, it is the little things that trip up the most powerful”. I nod and we return home. I shower and prepare for bed. Brin sets the snares and checks the webs. George checks the perimeter and he and the dog set off for who knows where. I settle sleepily in bed and think of my friend and smile. This could be interesting I think and grin. Off to sleep without dreams..which in itself is a good thing since I am damn tired.

Wake up and smell the ……rum!

Ive been watching quite a few conversations as of late about cultural appropriation and what passes for religion and what doesn’t. It’s been quite interesting really when one considers that the white man (from most any culture) has seen fit to run over those who are different then incorporate their beliefs into their own paths. One only has to look at the Native Americans. With every one I have ever run into claiming to have some sort of Indian in their lineage(most Cherokee), its a veritable smorgasboard. Just an aside on that…the Cherokee tribe being one of the “Five civilized” often adopted their captives into the tribe, so some of those claims might be true. Be that as it may, the incorporation of the spiritual beliefs of Native Americans can be varied from tribe to tribe, so to have a one size fits all kind of path is insulting to those who live it daily. No where does the word shaman actually exist within the construct of religious practices. Not within those who live in this country. It began as a term adapted from a word in Asia. It refers to one who walks realms and divines. No clear consensus from anthropologists can be accredited to those who live, practice religious beliefs throughout this country of Native Americans. So I find it highly offensive that many pagan people, some who are pretty educated, can be so ignorant about this. They include many things from the tribes, except one thing. Their faith is lived daily. Their spiritual connectedness to ancestors is like breathing. So those who practice a plastic form of their spirituality continue to oppress the native peoples, who often live in abject squalor, struggle with alcoholism and addictions. I see this sort of thing also for those who would pull from other paths such as vodou. Now honestly, when one hears this..many think of the style practiced down in New Orleans, a type of root work brought in from the African diaspora with the slaves that came in on the ships. But there are many other forms such as the faith of Haiti, and santeria, and others. I see many who claim to practice these paths and yet..they have no connection. By that I mean they do not live it. I know several who have houses, that make this a part of every aspect of their lives. They learn the language in which the rituals were first spoken, honoring the ancestors from which they come.Some are open only to lineage, so that family line is continued, others open to all, with a caveat. Be careful what you ask for because sometimes the Lwa will answer precisely as asked. Some will try and perform rituals and make and sell supplies that are designated for the deities, but truly they fall short if one is not committed ..no initiation, opening of one’s self to the Lwa and all that entails. No learning of the language , dismissed as unimportant , no honoring of ancestors as a primary focus on which to build this path. My question is how can one actually claim a faith if you are not going to immerse yourself in it completely? My path is more hoodoo, folk magic..based upon family connections. Those ancestors are the ones who give me strength when I seem to lose my way, to give me guidance as I forage a way to make this work for me in my daily life. I give thanks every morning before I start my day. Any work I might do is always based on things that I have been shown either growing up, or as I grew into this faith that keeps me centered. So…does that mean I step on cultural lines when I work? Perhaps, since hoodoo is also from a time when slaves coexisted with poor white trash sharecroppers. There were always healers..have been since the dawn of time. Sometimes it was based upon necessity since the need for healing was not available for lack of money. In truth their folk remedies often worked better than any a physician prescribed and still do today. So what about rituals not so “light”? Those too often appeared when people had need, and people knew whom to go see. My grandfather sharecropped for a long time between gigs on the railroad and in a mechanics shop with his brothers. I still remember he and Mr Bert sitting on the back of an old Studebaker truck talking about the fields they worked. But it’s his mother, my Gran that people came to see. She had herbs in her closet by the back door, and in her garden. People would come and ask advice, receive healing herbs or whatever it was they desired. So, it is from her that started me on this quest for knowledge about who I am and what I wanted to incorporate spiritually.
So for those who would pull from a path based on heritage, or decide that the religion itself calls you. Why not give a little thought to that? If you are not willing to study, to immerse yourself completely into ALL aspects of said path, then you are fucking over those who came before you. Dishonoring what they accomplished and making yourself look stupid in the process. It’s not about the “path du jour”. Whatever is expedient and easiest for you. One cannot just throw up a temple and speak a few words of a language and call yourself a priest of said path. No amount of money paid to some charlatan will make it right. And yet it happens every day. In this instant religion, and money talks generation, the ways of old are often swept aside in an attempt to be “right”. Well I happen to think many are “wrong”. If you do not connect to those who came before, you have no foundation to stand upon. No path to follow to give you an idea of where to begin to find out who you are. It’s time we call bullshit on those who don’t do the work. Stop trying to make a buck because some asscricket has it and is chirping for you to give them knowledge they have not earned. Stop handing hand over fist things others have no right to. When people ask for rituals, stop and think about it before showing them. Who are you to say the guides wish them to have it? Do you not think if they did, they would not provide it? I’m not speaking about healing, because truthfully I was taught that we all have responsibilities(to whom much is given, much is required was a constant refrain from Gran). We are to help those in need. not those who want…there is a big difference. Those who want usually have a way to pay for it..any price decreed by those plastic folk who sell whatever their little hearts desire. Those who are in need…often will go without , when we can lend an assist. I don’t go out of my way for every request for help. sometimes it is through the struggle that we can overcome our problems. sometimes those with health issues…it is their time to depart this plane, so the energy itself should be used for that endeavor as well as provide peace for those left who mourn. But its time those who proclaim a path think about their position on said path. What is it you are trying to achieve? What purpose does your walk serve? Does it truly honor those who came before? If not, might want to check that mirror. Just wake up people and smell the rum….things need some tweaking.