SPOONFED NEED NOT APPLY

So I’ve been frequenting some of the pagan groups on FB.  Sometimes its informative, humorous, and interesting.  Other times it makes one want to stop and with  mouth agape yell WTF!!!!!!  such has been past couple days.  One member comes in with the intent to jump things off with her sanctimonious shit and make a statement that does provoke conversation and yet has a tendency to piss people off.  So the conversation centered around people joining groups and not posting when this individual makes the statement that people wont post if they are called names and put down, because their feelings are sensitive.  Oh whah!!! Are you not adult enough to man up and state your case?  If not, then how can you possibly claim to follow a spiritual path that is outside the societal “norms” ?  I agree that calling someone a name for making a statement can be a bullying tactic from those who will not listen to other’s point of view, but demanding that one give a source for the statement given (even UPG is a source ) is not a bad thing.  For one, it pushes people to look things up , expand their views and perhaps learn something new?  Too often I find that people walk around and will slap any label that strikes their fancy on themselves without any idea what that entails.  I find that irresponsible.  This is about your spiritual self.  why would you not take the time to learn something about it historically?  Any path can stand to have that happen…from the secular ones to those we scrabble together on our own.  If we claim to add some celtic into our path, don’t you think we should learn more about who they were?  Not just give lip service to their deities.  As for the one who is all about the “harm none” aspect.  Just how much harm does she feel people do to themselves without adding some honesty to that path?  They delude themselves into thinking they are being “mystical” when in reality they are lying to themselves.  If you cannot be honest with yourself, then who can? The asscrickets who wander around without a clue have plenty of fluff to read and buy from.  There are many unethical who walk around and will lead many sheeple into the abyss of which sometimes they may never get out of.  They will stay mired down in all the shit that has been tossed their way by others who should know better but care less..Now if that isn’t going against their own “harm none” I don’t know what is!  If you are going to lean a bit and share some insight with someone else. my personal opinion is that one should at least be factual about it.  If its UPG, say so..tell them, “well this is what I did and what I used, and what happened…now you may get different results, but you can try it and see what happens.”  How hard is that?  If you insist on going first this way then that, and you’re fine with it, then by all means do so.  Just don’t expect those who work at their spiritual self on a daily basis to hold your hand and feed  you, because we don’t have the time, the patience nor the inclination to do it all for you.  Grow a pair baby and be prepared to walk that path like a boss!

DEUCES

Slinging a few arrows back over the fence

I’ve been just watching the “world” the past couple of days.  And it never ceases to amaze me that a particular group would behave in such ignorant manner.  One such group has an online site, FB page, several enterprises to make money.  But they have SERIOUS issues concerning other people’s beliefs as well as not voicing exactly what THEY believe or how they practice.  Theirs is a mishmash of Haitian vodou, Freemasonry,satanism, christianity…I know..you’re brain is fixing to asplode with all the confusion as well it should.  I used to frequent their FB page, but their incessant rants about how pagans worship(we are wrong btw), kept me with a headache, so I left and deleted them all off the “friend” list because in truth, I felt they had nothing valid to offer me.    First, “pagans” are not all alike, so how can everyone who falls under that label(including them) be wrong?  Secondly, some of  those who come expecting answers  are falling through the cracks  American vodou is totally different than if one goes to Africa, Dominican Republic,  or even Haiti , mainly because hell….its done by Americans who even if they have ties to said countries, still add their own flavor , so it in a sense is diluted, no longer in its pure form and has lost a little something in the translation.  Even the New Orleans version is different so according to those that “know true vodou” it’s wrong.  Root work has been a mainstay in this country even before the first slaves were brought here from other countries  There have always been those who have been familiar with herb knowledge and were local healers long before physicians became the norm and we moved away from such ones in the name of “progress”.  The spellwork, bokors etc came along with the slave trade, but it was hushed and kept secret, as many things are still hidden in the shadows.  The inner workings after being strained through a version of christian evangelical  rhetoric no longer are as they were practiced centuries before.  So how can one justify telling others that how they practice such a path that they are “wrong”? this thing of absolutes can only be applied (imho) to a path or tradition that has specific rules, doctrine, historical references as to how to do things “properly”.  Paths like the vodou have no such dogma.  It just exists, as part of life, culture, superstitions.  So with no true reference other than historical retelling, the audacity of telling others that they are wrong in how they work is ludicrous.  Especially coming form those who mix a variety of paths that contradict one another.  Just a little FYI..adding saints to represent Lwa doesn’t make them work with you any better nor does it it give veracity to the ideology.  It’s done for a variety of reason in Haiti as well as here in the states due to christian settlers usurping the faith of the slaves, and replacing it with their own. Back then,  if one could have a picture of said saint on an altar, nobody would be  the wiser who it represents.  I have no such need of that.  My altar contains representations of those I work with, I have no connection with others version of god. What I believe is none of your business -thanks for asking.  I have no need to be included with those who can’t even decide what flavor of the week they are today.  To make money off gullible people who have more money than common sense also violates my ethics.  To post crap about herbs mainly used in the making of incense instead of on its own(verified by a quick glance at herb encyclopedia by Scott Cunningham)is ludicrous.  It tells me you don’t have a freaking clue as to why you believe what you believe, that you do not  walk your faith on a daily basis(and this type of path IS spiritual and life connected).  For you(and again, this is my observation and opinion) it’s about money and prestige within a community that fights as much among yourselves over who is right as those in a secular path.  To toss out people who disagree with you and then proclaim you are going to harm them…yeah well, that kind of makes me laugh because see, I have a working agreement with those that scare the fuck out of you and I always protect what is mine.  You look extremely childish jumping up and down throwing the tantrum because someone had the audacity to call you on your bullshit.  And to pull others in who are even more confused than yourself and have been listening to you give your “advice” is way past sad in its futility.   So might I suggest that you seek a little more and try to find out which side of the wire you want to walk(seriously one CANNOT add tenets of satanism in with christianity…THAT is an exercise in madness itself), and do some real research for a change.  And stop with the sniffing, huffing and puffing as if you will do real damage.  that pit is extremely deep, the dragon on guard is hungry and things aren’t always as they appear here in wonderland ;).

DEUCES

9 days

The world lost a beautiful soul Monday.  He was smart, funny, irreverent and a joy to be around. Many people loved him and were/are heartbroken at not being able to interact with him on this plane.    While there are those who claim “dominance” of how well they knew him or knew his wishes, sort of like a one-upmanship sort of thing,I leave all that aside and  choose to do what I’ve always done to honor those I’ve lost on this plane.  9 days of prayers. The  lighting of candles and incense to help guide his way to those on the other side.  As one who has a foot on both planes, I recognize that it can be a little disconcerting to find ones self in another realm with no guide book.  Even the gatekeeper isn’t often much help, speaking in riddles.  So the prayers are meant to remind them they are still loved, and grant peace so that they are not as restless in wanting to know all the answers to their questions(and I’m sure there are many).  There are a myriad of ways that people honor their dead, from 40 days of rituals, to a quick burial before sundown of the same day, to the 9 days of prayers.  Prayers…no workings, no interaction with Lwa, but the giving of self to the departed in their honor.  The altar is set with white..a light in the beacon of shadows, candles are lit, and the incense wafts through the air.  One of the prayers already said for my friend is as follows:

May the light be there for you my brother, as you leave this plane for another.  May the Ghede come to you and guide you and assist you in removing your earthly chains.  May the Gatekeeper answer any questions you may have and may you find peace in knowing that even though you are not with us physically, your memory is a cherished one, for you gifted us with love, humor, trust, strength and the unselfish gift of self.  You will be missed.

I allow those candles to burn out completely and while they do so, I will lift my glass in a toast to one of the finest human beings I was privileged to get to know.
à votre santé, avec amour et gratitude

crossing the line of respect

Well, since I’ve been doing a little soul searching, let me just go all out…I think someone somewhere just doesn’t get the word “respect”.  Living in the south, one has definite views as far as respect for others living and nonliving.  some things are just not done.  For instance, taking pictures at a funeral is just tacky and violates the spirit of those passed over.  If you wanted something to remember them by,  you should have taken them while still living.  Also don’t speak ill of them.  they aren’t here to defend themselves.  yes, they did some pretty rotten shit while here on this plane, but it’s over and done with and they are no longer here to do them..move on.  So last night on FB, it startled quite a few of us to see the avatar of a recently passed friend adding friends, popping into private groups, sort of Ghost In the Machine kind of thing.  Freaked us out until the one doing so spoke that they were adding an obit to his page.  Truth is, they could have done so without hacking into his page(it’s still hacking even if you have the password because it is not your page).  And they added friends that belonged to their group as well as others (for what reason I am not sure).  Truth is, in my opinion, since they felt the need to go through his page, they should have put a status, “hey peeps, this is (redacted)..I’m tweaking the obit on his page, and adding people so they can see it:.  Perfectly acceptable because then others would not freak out so when they saw the interaction of his profile.  But they didn’t.  For me, this was a sign of disrespect to those who knew him well, and who’s grief is still raw and are still reeling emotionally since after the massive energy surge and work done this past month has certainly taken a toll on many of us.  It’s as if they gave no thought as to how it would affect anyone but themselves and their little clique.  It’s as if nobody else mattered.  So to that person, let me break it down for you.  We ALL matter. He cared for a lot of people who returned that love and respect, and for you to callously toss it aside without thought makes you disrespectful of us, our feelings and emotions.  An apology now would be after the fact and too little, too late.  But might I suggest that you rethink some of YOUR actions concerning others and their feelings.  The rest of us will mourn and remember him in our own way, moving through the process of grief as is natural, but it would be helpful if you didn’t try and  shock us all into submission.

 

DEUCES

I’m not who I thought I am?

I have had an unplugged day today…no phone to tweet with, didn’t hit FB til late this evening…it was good for me since I have been doing some introspection while I worked.  It kept me zoned out, thinking and reflecting on some recent comments directed at me and why they hurt my feelings, and why I allowed them that power.  It’s about a couple of conversations lately..one online, one off, and yet they were similar.  I have a lot of people on my friend list..many for the apps I play, but it’s now culled to a manageable state filled with those from various paths.  I added a new one, and was speaking in a conversation about them to another friend online.  The response from said friend?  “I think I will follow suit because you added them and you don’t like people”.  WTF? Really?  WHAT do I say or do that says I don’t like people?  I am sarcastic, true…snark quite a bit, but in truth, I’m not anti-social , in my opinion.  So what do I do?  Say nothing as is my wont, and decide to have an early night.  In truth, my feelings were hurt because I thought she knew me better..guess not.  So I get to work and mention this in a conversation with someone who has known me for several years…we’re friends…I think so anyways.  What does she say?  “You like people, you just wait for them to piss you off so you can kick them”…yeah fuck you too was my response.  Put on the headset and say nothing further , but the mind has been reeling, thinking, sorting and turning things over all day.  What the hell kind of person am I really? Why do two separate friends have similar opinions, even if they tried to pass it off as a joke?  I look in the mirror.  It’s the face I’ve always seen..nothing out of the ordinary.  WHAT is going on that is giving this perception?  Too much snark?  Sarcasm and self-deprecation have been my safety valves for so long, that I feel naked without them.  The way I viewed the conversations was that I am totally anti-social and basically not a real friendly person.  Wow…that smarts..maybe it wasn’t their intent.  maybe it’s because this week has me in an emotional spin, am not thinking clearly enough to understand my reaction to things//IDK/  I may be reacting badly to just some casual observances.   A dear friend once told me that sometimes people disappoint us in that they are not always who we believe them to be, but even in that failing, they are true to themselves as we should be.   He’s right of course(he usually was).  I’ll keep tweaking things on my end..maybe they are right..maybe they aren’t.  I just have to walk true according to what feels right to me.  And maybe make more unplugged days with no distractions from others a regular thing.

Time for a little chaos

I’m on a journey again.  Walking.  Just once I’d like to fly or something…maybe I’ll see if a friend will loan out their feathers or something next time I travel.  I don’t know this part of the forest…Wait.  Forest?  Seriously?  I don’t have a reference of a forest.  Even the spiders live in the swamp.  Just where the hell am I going? Brin steps up beside me as if to reassure me, and it does, because at least I have protection and am not alone.  She seems to know where we are headed because she motions me off the path  towards a small clearing with the tallest damn oak tree I have ever seen in my life.  And yet, it isn’t quite a tree, because it has a door and some sort of wooden sign hanging above it, but I cannot read the language there.  Brin again lets me know that I am to enter, and I think to myself..why does this not surprise me..Everywhere I go, I seem to be entering trees like some damn wood nymph seeking shelter.  As I enter, and take a look around, I see books.  Hundreds of thousands of tomes , some stacked as if they are pillars keeping sentry along the walls, others showing their splines to the world as if they are issuing invitation to peruse their pages.  As I move deeper into the library, for I assumed it was one seeing all the books, I smell herbs…familiar ones that tickle the nose and make my hands itch to work.  What kind of place is this I wondered to myself…some sort of botanica?  Then I see him.  A massive owl perched upon a ledge high above a window.  And being my usual snarky self, the only thing that came to mind was the commercial”how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop”? I giggled to myself at the thought, and then I heard him say “Like I haven’t heard THAT a million times already!” Whoa! Ok, correction.  He isn’t a stuffed owl like I first thought, but a live one…and pretty much  carrying a smart ass attitude.  So…what now?  The owl swoops down and comes in close..almost too close and my surprise must have been clear because Brin inserted herself between us.  “Relax dragon”, said the owl”I am not going to harm your charge”.  I am not sure Brin believed him or not, but she stepped aside to allow me to come face to face with the smart ass bird.  “I don’t know who gave you the keys to Ici, or why you are here, but this is NOT the place for you human”, said the Owl.  “Perhaps, she has earned those keys, and deserves to be here”, said a familiar voice.  I turned and there perched atop one of the pillars of books sits George eating an orange.  The owl turns his attention to George.  “Obviously she earned the keys”, he said “or she would not be allowed to come here, and stop eating on my books”, he screeched.  George simply smiled and popped another section into his mouth.  I laugh and shake my head at him, because I know that to try and MAKE him do anything is a lesson in futility.  “What are you doing here”. asks the owl peering at me.  “I have no idea”, I laugh.  “You are the wise old bird, you tell me”.  “Watch your tongue girl”, screeches the owl.  Brin again picks up her head and looks directly at the bird as if to say he would make a nice meal, and the owl fluffs his feathers and drops the noise level a decibel or two.  “I demand respect”, he says to Brin.  “Respect is earned, not given to one who has done nothing but screech and demand answers that I have no clue about”, I tell him.  The bird peers at me for what seems like an eternity, then he again fluffs feathers as if he is gathering up his cloak and tells Brin,  “Take her down the aisle to the back, I will meet you there”.  Then off he flies.  I look at Brin and she motions that I should follow the owl down a wide aisle, so I do, with George bringing up the rear.  As I move down the aisle, I am  looking left and right at all the collections of bottle there.  Herbs in some, a frog floating in some sort of liquid, even a human eyeball that I could swear was looking at me as I passed.  I think to myself, I feel like I am in some twisted version of Alice in wonderland.  What the fuck did I do to earn the “privilege” to come here?  Soon I come to the end of the aisle where the bird awaits in front of some sort of altar that looks like it is covered in white sand, in which there are nine candles sitting in it waiting to be lit.  I stop in front of the altar, noting that the table itself is beautiful and extremely old with sigils carved into each leg.  “Light the candles” says the owl.  Light them?  with what?  I feel in the pockets of my cloak, but there is nothing there.  Then I remember that in the elsewhere I don’t need the mundane, so I visualize a flame for each candle, lighting them one at a time, taking time to appreciate the beauty and warmth of them.  As they are all lit, I look at the owl, watching and waiting for whatever happens next.  The owl begins to speak, slowly at first, then a little faster as if he is a professor(yes I get the irony) lecturing those who seek his knowledge.  Ici was created for those who have need of what is found within the confines of this space.  Whether it is knowledge, or workings, or conversation with spirit, it can be found within.  Much the same way you go to the swamp for sanctuary, this is a place that has been awarded to you to further your knowledge on the path.  “Are you fucking serious?”, I think to myself, forgetting that all there can read my thoughts.  “Who awarded me this place and what did I do to gain such favor?” The owl sighed(can birds even do that?), as if he was speaking to a simple child, and in my case, it’s highly likely that he was.  “You know who awards things”, he began,”and you gained favor by giving selflessly for others who needed it, sometimes at risk for yourself”.  I nod and have to agree that if I had given any thought to my question, the who would have been easy to come up with…the why not so much since I do what I do without a lot of thought most times.  The owl begins to speak again.  “within the sands of time, there is a vial.  It sits beneath one of the lit candles, but to use it you must decide which one.  choose wisely because you only get one chance to look for it”.  “Great”, I think…”another mind fucking puzzle”.  I look at Brin as if to ask her guidance, but she refuses to catch my eye…”Fine, no help there”, I think.  I look back at George, but he has helped himself to another orange from somewhere and is busy having himself a snack.  “Lovely”, I think to myself.  “Some help I have”.  So I look at the candles sitting now lit in the sand.  “Just how am I supposed to know which candle holds my prize?” “You will never know unless you try”, quips the owl.  “No shit”, I think.  So I stand and look at each candle, then I notice something…each candle is directly over a sigil.  One has a snake, another has wolf, then I see it.  MY candle that sits over the vial of whatever it is I am to receive, is over a sigil resembling a web! I smile to myself and begin to sift in the sand under the candle and pull out a small purple vial filled with liquid.  “You did well” says the owl grudgingly.  I hold the bottle up in the light and see the liquid which seems to swirl and sparkle in time with some soundless tune that I cannot hear.  “So what is this for?” I ask.  The owl cocks his head at me and tells me that I will find out soon enough.  The prize is enough for now.  So I turn with my vial and walk back up the aisle followed by Brin and George/  I place the vial in my cloak folds and am near the entrance when the owl speaks again…”That little vial will be quite useful in your coming workings”, he cackles.  “Just remember that out of chaos also comes responsibility for those who strew it”.  I pull the vial out of my cloak.  “Chaos?  This is what this is? ”  I begin to smile, then chuckle.  “Oh yeah, THIS will be extremely useful”…So I awoke this morning with renewed purpose.  I have plans, lists to make..I know the lure of causing shit to happen..it’s what makes people go mad with power, but I have no need for such things.  This list is for those who have had it coming for awhile, but I’ve been too distracted to take care of such things.  Now I am not.  It is time. And I do believe that this time around I will enjoy the show.  Ya’ll might want to find a good seat, and there will be plenty of popcorn.

DEUCES

Observation

I sit here in the shadows, waiting, watching.  The tree behind my back provides a place to lean, its energy filling me with strength and calm.  It’s branches stretch out its leafy frond providing a semi umbrella from the rain.  Its a slow steady rain..the kind that soothes the spirit and renews the earth, and hides the tears.  I came here to be alone, to let out some of the emotions gathered that are so bottled inside me that if they aren’t provided the release, things can get ugly pretty quickly.  I haven’t isolated myself, just moved a little distance away, keeping watch and waiting and yet still try and come to terms with the things going on right now.  As I look right, I smell the scorched earth..it too will be renewed in time, I have no time to waste on the whys of that…it will be taken care of. As I look to the left, I see a small light, that glows in the darkness…It is that light that gives me hope because it still exists.  It is to that light I strain to see if there are occupants…too far, I cannot. So I sit.  I watch and wait, feeling uneasy that some would intervene before its time and the light is extinguished.  I continue to let the rain wash over me…feeling the discontent .  I am usually a patient person by nature..content to watch and wait..it’s how I learn and observe..but this time…I so much want to step in and right the things that are wrong, that shift the balance for me.  So I sit.  Feeling the rain as it falls and mingles with tears of frustration at my limitations.  I’m human.  I can only do so much on this plane and to work on any other requires the agreement of others…..so I wait.  I let the tears fall because they are also healing.  they are overflowing from my soul and are filled with regrets and pain that I cannot speak about openly.  The flow, mingling with the rain on my face.  I feel the wind pick up and it lifts my hair as it does, almost as if in a caress .  A small half smile plays about my lips and I feel that energy flow into and around me, reminding me that for all the melancholy, I am not alone in this.  So….I watch. Looking, seeking ANY sign that the light in the distance grows brighter and nearer. So I sit.  wait, and watch.  The rain falls still mingling with cleansing tears.  I will tarry here for as long as it takes.

 

DEUCES

writing out the storm

Damn but I am cold today.  That inner bone-chilling never can get warm kind of cold that I only seem to get when I am connected to Ghede.  I tell myself, while  trying to rationalize it on a mundane level… well it’s bitterly cold outside what with mother nature changing her mind every few days about what temperature she should be using.  At first its been spring temps and rains/storms, and now it truly is winter temps with the usual frozen precipitation I loathe.  But my feeling cold..this is more than that because I am inside, haven’t even poked my nose out to see the day…hell I haven’t even made it past my room to go find coffee.  Instead I am curled up, wearing my robe and warm socks still in my pajamas and trying to sort things out in my head.  Last night I worked for a friend who needs healing.  Intense doesn’t even come close to describing that energy.  I called in a favor, chose the correspondence well, and began.  The storm of energy flowing in one direction from myself and others…well, let’s just say it could have covered all of NM, and yet was aimed for one brother who needs us.   My emotions concerning this friend have me a little off kilter.  How does one come to “know” someone for a short time online and feel like kindred? To grieve over the pain they are experiencing and wanting so badly to fix or change things?  It always amazes me that things like that happen.  I guess because he kind of reminds me of my brother that has passed..living life on his own terms, being who the universe demanded he become..I’m not sure..what I do know is that he reached out for help and I could not, would not turn him down.  So now that I’ve done what I can for him ..what else do I do?  Keep working, is what my heart tells me.  Sometimes that is easier said than done since the one working has to learn to recognize their limitations.  While we may want to jump right in, our physical limitations on this plane often supersede the will on the astral.  That is what frustrates me sometimes.  It makes me want to rail and rant and curse the physical frailties that I consider to be faults in myself because I cannot do as I choose when it comes to those I care about.  I get told about half dozen times a day by various people and entities that I have to accept those limits or I will be of no use to anyone least of all myself…Yeah, frustration is NOT the word for this.  So what do I do today?  I’ve finally taken a short break and gotten coffee.  That is a good start. I made it with maman’s special recipe with the chikory, cinnamon and chocolate…minus the rum though since I am out.  I am reminded that, THAT has to remedied, for if I am to dance with ghede, the rum has to flow.  Couldn’t agree more,lol.  I’ve turned on some Amos Lee, letting his jazzy, blues wash over me.  Come back to read over what I already have written down, tweaked a word or two.  I’m calmer, warmer, and willing to let go of what I worked on before. I know one cannot hang on to things even when we want to worry over it like a mother hen making sure it goes where its supposed to, do what its supposed to do…get the results we want, no…DEMAND it to do.  I’m human before being a witch so sometimes old habits are hard to break ~shrugs~. So I am now settled, moreso than I have been this whole week..the storm is moving on.   Like most storms, either in the mundane or energy wise, they howl and swirl around us, then eventually subside, leaving a calm to be appreciated.  Time to greet the day properly I guess 😉

 

 

DEUCES