Amethyst's Offerings

I’ve been running a lot as of late.  The princess is involved in Girl Scouts, a worthwhile community service group that exposes her to other girls,  and gets her involved in the thinking of others(always a good thing).  So since most in this area celebrate Christmas, I too, am involved in that preparation.  It’s not that I mind it, because gifts, food, parties have always been part of our home if not the celebration of what many project this season is about.  Many pagans also celebrate Christmas, some because they like it, others because many of us come to this path late and have been inundated since we were children and have come to expect it.  Nothing wrong with that, although if one listens to the faith that claims this time of year, it amounts to sacrilege  at not “worshiping” their deity.  Solstice which happens near the time of year, was a time for slaughtering the animals(so they didn’t have to be fed during the winter…very practical), the last feast of the year was had among friends, family before the long cold winter months set in and everyone was disconnected by harsh weather, famine…so too does the celebrations of Christmas happen, when we feel more charitable toward others, giving, sharing of ourselves, food, host parties, connect with family and friends.  Lot of love and happiness spread around right?  One would think so.  So why am I constantly hearing of people stealing from others, loud harsh judgments of people , based upon their lack of sheepish behavior at their lack of immersion in the whole “oh holy night” scenario.  Why get bent out of shape at that? One needs to be concerned with their own salvation..and yeah, that occurs even on pagan path, although probably not the way others might think.  We need to know who we are to grow and learn to love ourselves ..so for me, that is salvation of a sort.    I’ve seen too many on secular path who follow blindly without knowing why they do so, or even liking themselves very much, let alone loving themselves.  They are quick to point out the flaws they see, never seeing what they project to others.  So how can one love others if  they cannot find it with themselves.  I use this part of year for introspection, revamping, culling, of people, things, parts of path….sometimes it is painful, othertimes, not so much.  The thing I prefer to remember this time of year though is about love..it’s shown in the gifts I give, comments I may make, things I show others.  I don’t work this time of the year..mainly because I am usually way too busy running for school functions from when mine were younger and now for the little people.  I concentrate on what is within me rather than what others expect of me, and besides, in my house, there are always candles lit ~smiles~.  So why celebrate?  Think of it as a sloughing off of all that has built up over the year…things that might need tweaking, building upon.  this is that last hurrah before we pull inside ourselves and do a little seeking..an isolation if you will from all that would distract us.  The dark days of winter are traditionally barren, but nature isn’t still by any means.  While she slumbers, new leaves are being born within the branches, animals gaining strength for the coming season of rebirth.  So too, do we also need to experience that.  For me, this is the real reason for the season.  I choose to appreciate the starkness of self, the quietness of being alone, the building of new avenues of self, of my path, to cherish what I have achieved, and anticipate what is to come.

I’ve been privy to some talk lately about when, how and where to share the inner workings of one’s path.  The general consensus of many who know their shit is that they don’t.  It’s not that they (or I) want to keep people from knowing exactly, but it’s more of a “I worked damned hard to get here, and so should you” kind of thing.  Too many fluff wander around from group to group, forum to forum gathering up others advice, workings, knowledge and use it in asinine, irresponsible ways, without giving credit where its due.  Sometimes people give out something to help others without expecting any type or remuneration and that’s fine, but for others to grab it and run with it like it’s their bone..that is just wrong.  I’ve seen people ask “what are the best magic(k)al forums”…Well..that depends on what one is looking for I guess.  If you are seeking  people who are knowledgeable in their path and who will speak on things to help guide others find the information they seek, then those might be a little on the rare side.  There are those groups who have people who will offer discourse on every topic under the sun, and yet do not practice magic(at least not in a recognizable form)..if that is what you seek, there are plentiful.  Then you have those who post and every spell, prayer, working known to man  and lay it out there for any and everybody to scarf up and that is reckless and  ignorant to say the least.  Magical workings without the required experience and knowledge can lead to hugs problems, both for the practitioner as well as for those who come into contact with that energy.  So back to the original query.  To share or not?  From my personal perspective, I have no problems sharing with a select few that I know are responsible enough to handle the information and use it as it works for them.  I have learned from personal experience though to not offer that on a public forum.  Why?  well, because I learned it, its my work, and sometimes things that work for me will not work for others.  Just because I had success doing something one way, doesn’t mean others will.  For me, the knowing of when and where as well as the what to share is a sign of maturity in one’s path.  We all go through phases where we do stupid things and give way too much of ourselves and pay the price for it.  It’s often a hard learned lesson, but learn from it we do.  Or at least some of us do.  I’ve seen some continue to be seemingly oblivious as to how they are being used by others for their own personal gain.  I know its a personal decision, but for me, it’s a no-brainer.  Unless I know you well, or know the path you walk..you probably won’t be privy to anything I know, not even what elements make up my path.  It’s best for all concerned..mainly me, possibly you…but eventually all.  Enjoy your journey.

Today it rains.

Cold, wet, falling

as if a bucket has been dumped from the heavens

Dark skies, winds cutting right through me

as if the sword it wields holds power to cut me in half.

 

Today it rains

My body curses it with all it holds

inside its shell

Pain exudes like the nerves are a light

emanating from my inner being.

 

Today  it rains

and I am not a fan.

 

 

It always seems that people have a way of defining others.  I understand that to label others  is a reference point, so that one can either decide who we are in relation to their world.  What I don’t understand and probably never will is why they want to force others to fit into a round hole when they are clearly the square peg.  I’ve read others blogs and see the comments from some who’s only reply in amongst all their blah blah blah is “you need to join a group”.  Fuck that shit! Why and where does it say somewhere that one “must” do this?  I understand that in  the sometimes madness of our path, the magic, the finding of ourselves and trying to walk in a balanced manner, we can seem a little out there , different from the “norm” and even from others that walk a similar path.   But to join just to be included?  I think not.   So why do we join groups? Some do so because it feels “safer”..They can let the “higher ups” take the heat from society, and when they have no clue which way to walk, they can be pointed in the “right” direction.  Yeah I know I’m putting all these in quotation marks..it’s because I’m full of snark,lol.  That type of philosophy doesn’t apply just to the pagan people.  It also falls within those who are considered mainstream faiths.  The one behind the pulpit or considered leaders in the community make all the “rules” sling the dogma and doctrine so that all one has to do is put their nose upon the ass of the one in front of you and follow the smell of the bullshit.  Doesn’t matter the group.  One becomes a sheeple if that is the mode you take and refuse to question and seek for yourself.  I much prefer the solitary road of my path.  I seek out knowledge, from various places, surround myself with a cor group of friends in which to spin things, then take it and apply it when and where it works for me.  How hard is that to understand?  Apparently it is for many.  they just cannot wrap their head around why someone would not want to “join” a group.  I’ll explain it to them..even cut down on some high dollar words and not try to slip them any kool-aid….Most groups are lock-stepped in their thinking.  One must conform to teachings of theologies, doctrines, dogma, beliefs.  In a sense Stepford Witches.   Where does that leave wiggle room for an independent thought process? Answer is simple..it doesn’t.  I know many who don’t follow the complete teachings of a particular faith, and yet espouse it all the time…but my question is ..does that make them a ___fill in your fav faith here__, or has one changed it?  Lot of room for debate there depending upon whom one wants to ask.  I choose not to define myself by a particular label.  Witch I like..has lot of connotations that scare the bejesus out of others, and makes others raise their eyebrows~grins~…pagan will do since it is just descriptive…HUMAN is perfect because I am…weak, frail, strong, able..all and everything and yet nothing more than simple being.  Living in a small southern town, I try not to hide who I am..but don’t make a habit of being “in your face” with my path because hey, southern living can be more biblical than the holy land if you catch my drift..Full of those who are sincere and want to pray for my soul, and those who are full of shit because they need to sweep out the piles of feces in their own lives before daring to suggest others need to do so.  In actuality, they are both a bit misguided because I don’t need saving and I’ll bet that I am more closer to walking as their Jesus said to do than they are since I choose to help others, treat people with respect(no matter what path they walk),and refuse to judge others by what I think they should be.  It’s not just those in secular paths that do this however, and that can be a bit more puzzling to me.  One I understand where their thinking comes from, anything outside the “norm” is “wrong”, but for those that walk outside in similar fashion also judge the same way.  Why is that?  I would think that  they would acknowledge that while its different than theirs, it is still  acceptable because it belongs to you…Doesn’t always work that way because they still using some archaic yardstick in which to judge others.  Newsflash asshats….YOU do NOT define who I am, what I believe or how I live.  I get to do that.  So accept that, or move the fuck on.  Makes no difference to me which one you choose to do.  As long as you do it and do so NOW.  I refuse to answer for my beliefs, join a group because it’s “safer”(for whom  is probably debatable), nor will I justify my reasoning for you or anyone else.  My life, any part of it, is not up for discussion/dissection by you or anyone else…I get to choose…it’s why I am smiling at the scowl on your face now…My life, my choice…it is what it is..your approval is not needed nor accepted.

 

PEACE OUT

This is the time of the year when people’s minds and hearts turn to celebrating holidays of their particular paths.  For the Jews, its Hannukah, Kwanzaa for African-Americans, Christmas for the Christians, and Yule for those of a pagan persuasion.  Some people celebrate combinations of any and all of those just listed..candles, certain foods, gifts.  But in the midst of all this I keep hearing rhetoric(from all sides) about who’s holiday is correct and should be celebrated.  In truth, this time of year would definitely have a pagan bent(if one is going to use the term to mean one not walking an abrahamic faith), celebrated thousands of years before the church added it as a celebration of christ’s birth. In 324A.D., Justinian the emperor of Rome(A.D. 527-565), recognized it as an official holiday, “Dies Natali Invictus”, the birthday of the unconquered sun, the day of winter solstice, end of Saturnalia.  Amazingly enough the church also claimed this date as Christ’s birthday “christ mass” in order to sway the heathen into falling into line and joining the church reform.   Yet still some of the pagan beliefs are still tied with the date, with the evergreen tree, gift giving, family togetherness with food, celebrations.  So why is it that people get so bent out of shape if one is wished “merry christmas” or “happy holidays”, or the fact that politically correct people try to incorporate all faiths in the symbols of the season?  Personally I think its because some get too wrapped up in false teachings.  They don’t do the research about what traditions started where or why, nor are they willing to concede that they might not be correct in their dogma.  One faith feels that the date belongs to just them so I hear religious rhetoric from many..leaves me shaking my head.  Whatever one is wished in the spirit of the holiday could you not just accept it as such without making a federal case over it?  Doers it really have to be an exact sentiment?  I always think of this time of year as a time of peace…the days are shorter, the nights longer so family is gathered in closer. One finds ways to be creative in being tied to the house due to weather, so can concentrate on things that we often let slide when the outdoors calls us.  I love gifting to others, seeing the look on their faces when they open what I have given, knowing that I took time to consider them as a person.  Is this time religious?  No, because I am not a religious person..I am however a spiritual person, and that is something I carry with me 365 days of the year.  See, for me, its not about saying the “correct” saying when I wish someone good cheer during the holiday season…its about that spiritual connection of the season, the warmth that I carry with me for the coming year.  It’s about caring about myself, checking the path I walk, making sure that it feels like it fits well on my shoulders, tweaking it some as I move and grow.  Too often people wrap their cloaks of religious beliefs around them as if it keeps them “safe” from being coerced into believing in another’s faith, but that is ludicrous.  If one believes in a set path, then how is one person’s greeting that may be different than  what you say going to cause you harm?  If you truly walk the walk and its not all religious dogma that spews out of your mouth, rhetoric that you repeat verbatim, then you have nothing to worry about.    Religious beliefs are guaranteed by the constitution..an inalienable right that the forefathers of this country believed in deeply, and I believe they would be deeply saddened that one faith demands that they are the ones that get to dictate  how holidays are celebrated.  It’s about respect..for one and all.  So the next time you are inclined to have a knee jerk reaction to what someone does or does not say to you this holiday season…check yourself and ask yourself why…the real reason..not some crap you hear from someone’s pulpit, not some tale from long ago, based upon someone’s skewed version of history..but the real reason it unsettles you.  When you can do that..shut the fuck up, accept it in the spirit it was given and move the hell on with buying your gifts, baking special goodies, and the thousand of other chores you dream up for yourself.

 

PEACE OUT

I pop in and out of various groups sometimes, depending upon what I see going on .  Some pagan groups, some with rootwork , hoodoo, voudoo..depending on interest.  So I was sitting yesterday, and saw the notifications pop up where someone was in  someone’s group asking for assistance in using a site to buy some supplies for a working.  But as she kept talking, I realized that her problem wasn’t the one she was stating.  She had someone owing money but was tied to him and didn’t want to be, but the problem was, she had bound him to her..always a bad move in my book..if one doesn’t want to stay in a relationship because they want to, then binding will only make that a worse hell than one can imagine.  As she kept on seeking the perfect tools to get her money back and to rid herself of the person, she mentioned another one that she had also previously bound to her and left, but he had resurfaced(no kidding–yeah that was sarcasm folks)She wanted to know if she could use the same working for both…I know those who practice are sitting laughing and shaking their heads over the stupidity of someone who would dare practice without a fucking clue as to what they are doing, but I have found that many do this.  The correct answer(which I was grateful to hear from the group owner) is that it requires a separate working.   With so many authors out there and things online, one can find something that sounds great in theory, but can come back to bite you in the ass if you try it out without true knowledge.  That’s why many traditions make one follow a year long apprenticeship so that one can learn before adding magic to their path.  I don’t follow a set trad, so it was a challenge making sure the things I had learned were in fact true, and worked for me.  I was lucky enough to have someone who taught me about herbs and being true to myself as well as finding my guides early on in life…a great many people do not.  So what compels someone to wander around binding, casting working without a clue?  They aren’t listening…not to themselves, not to the guides and for sure not to those who tell them that what they do is dangerous, can cause harm both to themselves and others.  They open doors letting in all sorts of entities and then wonder how are they going to make it all go away, so they run here and there hoping someone, somewhere will take pity upon them and help them out.  Sometimes, someone will be helpful, but still others will “help” for a price.    What happens when you can’t afford that price?  They might just be S-O-L, depending upon whom one asks, but if they listen, they can usually find a way out for themselves.   My recommendations? Learn all you can before attempting anything..Learn who you are, who your guides are  and what they will help with.  Bind only when you have to, and NEVER for  relationships. Kick ass when its warranted..yeah I know those who know me know that I joke about that quite a bit, but the truth is..I rarely use it for personal use…It’s usually done in protection of those I care about..and its a rare thing…Protect yourself at all times.  And FFS, stop working just because “you can”.  It shows your ignorance of realms you have no knowledge of, arrogance that you are the one in control when in fact you are not and stupidity that you know fuck all about what it is you think you “need” in your life.  Close the lips, open the mind, and start listening.

 

Today I received a gift.  I knew it was coming, the giver had told to be expecting it.  And yet when I picked it up in the mail, I was like a child at christmas.  Silly I guess that a small remembrance from someone would make me smile, and want to tear into it eagerly before I even get it into the house.  So I open the small package, and smile as I see that it has been packaged for even more protection, and the irony is not lost on me as I pull the small pouch out.  I spill the stones into my hand, smiling as I observe their names, their  energies.  I hold each one up individually, feeling their smooth edges, their energy, each one telling me their name.  I smile as I hear of the journey to me and how happy they are to be home.  I also smile as I give thanks for their safety in reaching me..for the giver’s generosity…yeah, special thanks for the giver…smiling here.

The desert is dry, caked from the lack of moisture of any kind.  Even the normal desert life is absent in the stillness.  Those that once roamed here leave evidence of their existence..bones bleached white by the sun that is white hot fire in the sky beating down on all that dares to enter this space.  The traveler continues walking..putting one foot in front of the other, his mouth parched with thirst and his skin feeling as if it is on fire.  If only if he could find a patch of shade, a respite from the heat, maybe some water gathered in a crevice somewhere to slack his thirst…but all he sees is the open vista of nothingness, that scene that seems to stretch on forever.  So he keeps walking.  It wasn’t always this way…this aloneness ,out in the middle of nowhere.  Once he had things..tangible things that he called his own..He isn’t sure how they all managed to slip through his fingers into nothingness.  So he finds himself here, in the barren wasteland, walking for an eternity it seems.  After what seemed like days, but might have been only hours, the traveler soon reaches an oasis of sorts…a small patch of green in the brown, cracked, earth.  it’s not much to look at really, a few scrub cactus, brown desert grass, their parched fronds, waving feebly in the stirring of air created by the traveler himself.  But it is a small modicum of shade..a respite from the harsh sun searing his brain.  So the traveler sits down..grateful for the rest…He leans back on a rock under the tall cactus that throws its shadow like tossing its hat into a ring, thinking that he will perhaps rest a moment, close his eyes…. disappear.  “Feeling sorry for yourself are you”? says a voice coming from above him. Eyes wide open now the traveler looks around to see who said that since he has seen no one  since he began this tedious journey.  All he see is a great black bird sitting in the cactus.  “I am hallucinating” he thinks to himself…sighing heavily, he again closes his eyes.  “So, tell me”, again speaks the voice,”why are you here”? Once again the eyes of the traveler opens and again he sees there is nobody but the bird.  “I am losing my mind” he chuckles self-consciously.  As he beings to prepare to close his eyes yet again..the bird speaks.  “Did you not understand the question” he asks?  “You speak english, yes?””I have gone too long without food and water” says the traveler…”birds cannot speak”.  “And who spoke that?” asked the bird.  Shaking his head slowly, the traveler looks at the bird warily.  “You really speak”? he asked.  “Apparently since you seem to be comprehending my words”, said the bird.  The traveler sits up and wraps his lanky arms around his bent knees.  “So what did you ask” he asks the bird.  “I asked you why you were feeling sorry for yourself when you are here by choice”, said the bird.  The traveler nods wearily..”It’s true”, he said.  “I was doing well when I thought that things could be better if I went another direction…I was wrong”, he sighed.  “Clearly” said the bird.  “Did you show up to bring that to my attention” asked the traveler sarcastically…”or was there another purpose for this visit”?  The bird chuckles..”still have spirit I see”, he laughs…”that’s good..you’ll need it”.  “I don’t know why”, says the traveler…”I’m stuck out here in the middle of a wasteland, nothing to see or do, no clue why I would need anything”.  The great bird looks at the traveler for what seems hours, but was just moments in time, then speaks slowly as if to a child, “You create your time.  Whether it’s spent chasing reality, or wandering off in dreams…it is all created by you.  Sometimes there are moments that make you hold your breath, either from fear or because they are so magical that to breath seems to break the spell.  You create it all.  You manipulate your environment, changing the scenery within every moment.  It is your here and now.”.  The traveler sat silent looking at this bird marveling at the wisdom that had been spoken and then he realized, that yes he had created this desolate place, this nothingness that had no beauty, no place to slack his thirst in his quest for living.  It was all his creation.  So how to change this, he wondered. As if reading his thoughts, the bird begins to speak again.  “To change one’s reality, one must be ready to change their perspective.  Not everything is absolute nor carved in stone.  Life isn’t black and white..there are varying shades of grays as well as the other colors that resonate as yours as you weave it into existence.  It is up to you to find something that is yours..that speaks to you..whatever that may be in your life, whatever path.  Changing direction in mid stream often overturns the boat, and if one is still carrying stones in your pockets you will drown”.  “Or ends up in a no man’s land” says the traveler speaking his thoughts aloud.  “Yes”, agrees the bird.  “So what are you going to do about it?” the bird asks.  “I think”, begins the traveler”that I am going to begin where I started changing direction and rethink an alternate route”.  As if by magic, the scenery began to change.  The once scabbed piece of shade began to transform into a true oasis, with lush greenery, running water.  The traveler marveled at the change, as he glanced at the bird.  “I did tell you that the reality was yours” said the bird.  The traveler who had been wandering for eternity it seemed, jumped into the small pool, putting his face under the running water as it cascaded over the rocks.  he drank his fill then stood letting the water wash over him, washing away the dust, the pain, the emptiness, filling him yet again with renewed purpose.  When he finally felt refreshed, made whole, he walked out of the pool and sat down on the bank.  “Thanks bird”, he began but as he looked around, there was nothing there but him.  Thinking about the conversation, the traveler began to think he had made it all up.  yet here he was, wet, sitting on the greenest, purest place on earth he had ever experienced.  As he looked around again, he spied next to a tree where once a cactus had been, a feather, the blackest, shiniest one he had ever seen.  The traveler smiled.  “Many thanks bird…I won’t forget the lesson”.  With that, the traveler turned and continued on his way, renewed and filled with true purpose.

 

Tomorrow is Veteran’s Day.  Coming from a military background that means quite a bit to me.  My dad was in the Army before I was born…went to Germany when they were putting up the Berlin wall in 1959 and did two tours in Viet Nam, came home and did a year of funeral detail when we lived at Ft Knox, then went to Korea to the DMZ…We lived all over the world, and one thing was a constant…Military anniversaries were treated with respect, there were parades, music, and at Reveille and Retreat, wherever one was on post, you stopped and saluted the flag until the bugle stopped sounding.  Saluting the flag was a given at any function whether it be a civilian parade or military.  All these things were ingrained into my being, because as my dad used to say…There is only one color on this base..OD Green and ONE race…HUMAN…meaning we were all in this together.  Parents went away and returned(mostly), and we grew up knowing that life isn’t fair, it changes constantly and military rules are totally different than the rest of the worlds.

So tonight, I was watching a video a friend posted, of military clowning around to Tic Toc by Ke$ha, then Brae joined me and we just kept watching others.  As we watched, I quietly talked to her about my dad and what his job was in the military..he had several, but mostly was instructor for the Howitzer cannon, 1Sgt, babysitter for those far from home and needing guidance.  He passed away 5 yrs ago in April, never making it to his birthday on May 10.  Braelyn was born that same year on May 12.  I want her to know that he worked very hard to serve his country, allowing us to believe as we believe.  He would have loved her precious self, laughing at her dancing and jokes.  He really loved the little people.  Tomorrow there is a veterans program at school, and I am going to watch.  It will be bittersweet because my dad always went and was honored with others at the event.  Will I cry?  maybe a little..have today as Brae and I talked about him…not so much because he isn’t here because with all the pain he endured at the end, he is much better off where he is, but because the little people will not get a chance to know him and understand how much sacrifice involved in what he chose to do for a living.

 

Tomorrow while you watch programs, see things on television or even know a veteran..Thank them for all they do and take the time to remember those who no longer walk among us for it was their courage that gave us a precious gift…freedom..don’t ever take that for granted.

 

PEACE OUT