“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
There are monsters all around, but none worse than the one that resides within us. We can often times be our own worst enemy, especially when we fall victim to listening to others who want to shape and mold us. The problem with this is that its more their vision of what we should be and become instead of the real image of ourselves. If we allow them to push us to their view instead of standing our ground then we lose part of who we are. Now that doesn’t mean that they are always totally wrong, because sometimes it is easier for others to see things we often do not since it under our nose so to speak, but it has to be our move and our choice.
Last night I was sitting around a fire and thinking things through. I lost my temper with a friend because I felt that he was assuming things about me and my path that were incorrect. He spoke to me as he speaks to others, teaching, but it lost something in the translation. Maybe it’s because I rarely speak of how I work, what I actually believe, except in generalities. Maybe it’s because I keep quiet about those I work with. Perhaps its because I’ve had a lot going on lately and the comment just missed its mark, and I took it in the wrong way…~shrugs~. The path I walk has been forged over time with changes in direction, false starts and utter chaos at times. Through it all my guides have been beside me, protecting me, speaking with me and guiding the person I am today. There are times when I want to walk away, shut the door and yell “enough”! But truthfully, that thought scares me more than staying the course. Because without this spiritual connection, I’m not sure I could deal with all the mess of the mundane. It keeps me grounded when the earth seems to fall out from under my feet, allows me to stand in the the strongest of storms yelling back into the wind for the universe to BRING IT because I am still standing. It also allows me to find the silence within my soul and nurture that peace so that I am able to appreciate the beauty around me. It’s not always easy, but then life is to be a challenge isn’t it? If we always got everything we wanted, we might not end up where we are supposed to be, and then the disappointment and dissatisfaction would set in and everything would end up in chaos anyway. So did I find any definite answers? Not really, other than I know more about who I am and what I will and will not allow in my life anymore. I don’t have a need for everyone to understand or pat me on the back for knowing what I know…I’ve seen too many running like rats after cheese wanting those accolades. It’s nice to be appreciated, but I prefer that come from those who mean something to me rather than total strangers sucking up in the hopes that they can feed from the scraps at your table.
It will take a lot of work, daily to tweak this path, but that is what keeps the journey interesting. and if by chance I don’t agree with your view of what that should be, then keep stepping. Life is too short for me to try and please anyone other than myself.
tempête parfaite
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