I’ve been an observer as of late. Watching what plays out both in the mundane as well as online. And a few things have me thinking. People are rethinking their path, their lives, and others have chimed in with their two cents,voicing their opinion, and one has to wonder why.
We are creatures of change. We are not the same day to day, month to month, hell even five minutes ago. So parts of our lives change and stay in a state of flux. Knowing this, I often wonder why we are surprised at new direction. I am an advocate for introspection..real seeking in our lives..shadow work that gives us a chance to tweak and revamp what works for us and to set aside what no longer does. Sometimes the things I learned years ago do not apply to my life today. They are just unnecessary substance that fills up the shelves of our cosmos. How I practice today is not the same. So what changed? Myself is the answer. I let go some preconceived ideas, tossed aside some judgements, and finally embraced who I am as a person, deciding that my spiritual self needed to become the spark that was reflected by my outward self presented to the world. Sounds simple huh? Yeah…so very not. I found as I was letting go of things that I had incorporated into my path, that in retrospect seems silly in its simplistic view, was actually damn hard to let go. Not because it didn’t work, but because of the fear. What if I go this way and it doesn’t work as I intended? What if I find out halfway through that this is not what I wanted? What if, oh just what if I was “wrong”? In truth, if it teaches us a lesson then how can it be wrong? But all these ideas ran through my head(and sometimes still do). Am I doing this right? Truthfully, if I were to ask those who follow a defined path their answer would be “NO”, since I don’t, many just give me a sideways glance as if to say “I don’t get anything about this shit”. And I’m fine with that. Since I began this shadow work of healing myself and moving forward to what fulfills me spiritually, I have learned that this journey is really all about me. While I care what others think(its a human reaction..can’t completely rid myself of that…yet), I cannot allow that to take precedence over doing what is right for me. Most of my path is about practice. that doesn’t mean I have no connection to deity or guides, it just means that what I do is more proactive rather than begging for help. Yeah..there are those damn control issues again :).
I am the one in charge of this journey. I construct this path, making mistakes as I go, but that is how I grow. But I know there will always be those on the outside that will question how and what I believe and do. My question for them is this: Who are you to know what makes my soul feel like its connected to the universe? Are you the one who can free my mind to fly with the elements during the storms in order to land safely after the calm has settled around me? Do you have proof that your way is better for me? If so, show me that source. If not, then move the fuck on because I am the one in charge here. It’s taken me a long time to be able to stand up after looking in the mirror and telling the world..”This is me, take me as I am or keep stepping”. Some days are easier than others, but that is the beauty of this journey…one never knows what will come up in response. My only hope for it is that I continue to grow as I move through the chaos and remodeling. If it seems as if I am not, well then I guess its back to the shadow work to figure out why that is.
So for those who walk as I do, seeking, searching, revamping, my advice is to keep doing what you’re doing. You and you alone are the only one who can decide what is right for yourself , whether that be a constructed path that has real structure or like mine ,is a little more fluid. It has to be what feeds your spirit and not what others have decreed you must be. After all, this is why you are not in a more conservative path for your spirituality, right? So keep walking tall, stand your ground on what feels right for you, and dismiss those naysayers who have no clue as to what you are about. We are the ones taking charge, and it feels so very right.
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