tricks or treat

I opened the door and there he stood in all of his ash-ness.  Ghede. “May I help you?” I asked. He smiled and held open a bag.  “I have brought your costume M’lady” he answered.  Costume I thought?  The hell? “I wish to try out your treating” he says.  Light bulb clicks on..Okay..give me a minute and I will accompany you. So I go to change into the costume he has brought me..sort of a sexy antebellum with entirely too much lace and not enough coverage up top, but hey..not gonna argue with the dead. So we make our way down the street stopping at houses along the way to collect candy. At each house, after receiving his prize he looks to see what he got.  “What does one do with this”, he asked as he held up a Bit of Honey bar.  I smile.  “You eat it”. He starts to put it in his mouth and I stop him to tell him to remove the paper.  He does and I smile as I watch the look of pleasure come over his face.  “This is good” he says excitedly.  “I want some more”.  So we set off to the other house and at each one he hold the wrapper up and asks if they have any.  “I swear”, I think to myself.  “can’t take the dead anywhere”. As we finished with the last house and my friend’s bag was full of Bit of Honey’s, we enter a hall where there is a costume party already in progress. My friend and I take a seat where some others have already been seated and he speaks with them as I look around.  He shows them his lot, shares the candy which they all agree is this side of heaven and I shake my head in amusement.  “May I have this dance Cher”, says a familiar voice.  I look up and find The Rummer in all his finery holding out his hand to me.  I accept his hand and we make our way to the dance floor.  “A most fetching costume” he says.  “One I’m sure you had a hand in choosing” I replied smiling.  He feigned innocence(yeah right), but we both laughed and as we danced, he kept me entertained with various anecdotes about those dancing around us.  We spoke of the one who came to treat with me.  “Why him”, I asked.  “He wanted to meet you and see what its like to see things as a child does”. came the reply.  “He loves the Bit of Honey candy” I laughed.  “Think about why that is”.  I know that honey is used as a trap I say..then stop because I spy familiar eyes looking at me from behind a gold mask.  I may not have seen an actual face before, but I can certainly smell the stench.  My dance partner was watching this all unfold.  “Your face is very expressive cher”, he remarked.  “One can see the emotions flit one after another.  They tell quite a story”.  “Did you set this up”?  I ask quietly.  “Non, I allowed certain things to happen, but sometimes one can choose to confront things head on n’est pas?”I incline my head in agreement but say nothing.  “Let’s go get something to drink” he says.  We move to make our way to the refreshment tables when there he is.  The man with the gold mask.  “I’ve brought you something to drink Lovely Lady” he says with a mocking, leering grin on his face.  I take the glass from him and act as if I am going to drink from it.  I can tell from the smell that there is more than punch or alcohol within the confines of the glass and suddenly I can stand no more.  I toss the punch in his face and my sword is within my hand and I push his ass against the wall.  “Listen here you full of shit bogus motherfucker.  I am tired of the half assed attempt on myself and others.  I do not notice that the room has parted and that those who were dancing have stopped to watch.  My dance partner rests against a wall with a look of amusement on his face.  I continue with my tirade. “Your lack of respect for others outside your closed minds and fake assembly of faith reeks.  You can try and hide behind your so-called pious acts of religion and make all sorts of claims but it all is bullshit to the nth degree.  I have had enough.  ENOUGH dammit and if you make any more moves and try to call in those who you claim to know…I am going to eviscerate your ass and leave you for the worms.  Crows wont have enough to make a fucking appetizer of you.” He casts his eyes toward The Rummer who is now laughing openly and demands if he will not help him.  “Mon amie, I am a wise man, have seen many things, experienced them as well and even I know better than to fuck with an angry woman holding a sword to my throat. The man behind the mask suddenly swallows as he realizes that there will be no help from any quarter.  I tell him that he is to leave and that the next time I see him, he will be a dead man and will not enjoy any aspect of that particular plane.  The man leaves and my sword is one again hidden.  My dance partner lazily removes himself from his cat bird seat against the wall. He takes my hand and tells me that I still owe him the remainder of a dance.  I laugh and shake my head and so we continue and everyone else does the same.  We speak on the situation that presented itself, what will and will not happen.  I am satisfied that things will soon calm itself from that area.  We walk back to the table where my friend has finished his candy and he is to to return me home directly, with no detours on his return.  He nods and we make our way back to my home.  “Thank you ” he said.  “For allowing me to treat with you”.  I smile.  He’s a kid really, still learning.  “My pleasure” I say.  We reach my door and I bid goodbye.  “For you” I say and hand him one last Bit of Honey.  I watch as his eyes light up and he laughs and takes it from me.  “Directly home now” I say sternly.  He nods and makes his way back in the direction from whence we came and I laugh as I see him unwrap the candy and put it in his mouth, hear his sigh of appreciation at the taste.  I shake my head and make my way inside to find my bed and consider all that has transpired.

All in all I guess I did get some tricks in with those treats after all

Let it burn

Rage trigger alert for those who like myself have issues:

“Forgiveness is for the forgiver”. “You need to forgive those who harmed you”. (insert HUGE scream here)NO I FUCKING DON’T! First…I am not so quick to apply that christian aspect to others. That particular tenet does not apply to any path I may walk.  I may  allow someone to slide sometimes in their treatment of myself, but its never forgotten…just accredited to the debit column.  It’s used as a way to keep checks and balance on those who call themselves “friends”, “family”…Too many debit marks, and I cut them loose.  I don’t need the negativity. Secondly, the comment in question was in reference to past abuse in my life. Wait.  I am supposed to forgive  someone who never asked for it, never acknowledged that they were wrong or that their descent into madness was fueled by ignorance and psychotic urging of someone else? No matter that I was the one physically harmed, never mind the emotional trauma and baggage I still carry around from it? Show of hands…who out there believes this is a viable plan? ~Looks around~Yeah, I see a few..dismissing ya’ll with shake of my head atm.

Here is what I think I HAVE to do. I HAVE to find a way to live through it and come out of the other side with a quasi reasonable version of sanity.  I have worked through a lot of it, but it rears its head sometimes when I see something of same caliber that hits me like a wall of bricks just leveled me.  I still carry a lot of anger with me.  It’s what carries me through life, especially when  things get chaotic and I need that extra push to help me stand yelling for the universe to bring it cause I’m not dead yet.  The sarcasm?  Natural protection tactic that I’ve learned to use to my advantage.  Sometimes I use it too well. I snark at most every thing.

Forgiveness?  Not even a blip on the horizon.  I have no need to add something to my life that is archaic, unneeded, unwanted and most of all insulting.  It reduces me to something less than human, with all my emotions, thoughts and physical welfare minimized to a pile of shit.  No respect at all for who I was going through the chaos and emerging on the other side of the glass a stronger person.  I use what I have left within in order to be that person. So if that doesn’t jibe with your view of what a “real” person does.  I can’t help it.  I have to do what is best for me.  Carry that anger, letting that fire within me burn and greet each day as a challenge to be conquered and enjoyed. Yeah, think I’m just gonna let it burn.

C’est la vie 

Open letter to VermonT

Hey..been awhile huh?  The name?  Just a misnomer that keeps me from speaking your true name.  I haven’t heard from many since my departure from your group, yet some still seem to keep tabs on those of us that were decreed demonic, satanic, heretics, demon worshipers. For the record…we don’t worship them but aren’t afraid to work with them when the need arises either). That seems to scare many within the confines of your walls, but then we aren’t bound as you are in any one set.  The grapevine keeps things humming, either causing me to chuckle at some of the antics, or a shaking of my head at the ignorance.  Such as one posted today.  http://www.raceandhistory.com/cgi-bin/forum/webbbs_config.pl/noframes/read/2324.  So I call out Dayila Devine and your group. And here is the reason why.  If this writing had been on libation and the history of where it originated in Africa, then I’d have read and accepted.  But it wasn’t.  It was racist in tone, and extremely offensive.  White people have no souls? WTF!?!?! REALLY?  All human beings have souls. To say otherwise lowers one to the level of a baser animal.  So whites or those that are not of African descent(how far back are we talking until you decide that there is no connection?).  The problem with this is that one of your members has posted this all over the damn place, and I have yet to see/hear ONE of your leadership step up and speak out against the racist tones found within the piece.  Why is that?  Is it because there are those within your group/’ranks that also feel the same about any not like yourself? This piece started with good intent, speaking on how to do a proper libation. Then within the confines of its heart, it reveals a truth about the writer.  No interracial marriage/relationships..kind of fucks up  what some of  ya’ll have going on huh? People of African race(still confused about OP’s specifics) are a diseased people due to interaction of non-Africans and whites.
My problem with groups such as yours is that you hold an elitist view that rivals the OP  of posted blog.  If people do not walk in the same direction that you believe is correct then obviously there is something wrong with them.  You do realize that as head and leaders of such a group, you set the standard? People pattern themselves after you, and you encourage that.  So when one of your own is posting racist shit EVERY.DAMN.PLACE. I and others hold you as responsible party….your silence is acquiescence.  Why is that? Are you not about humanity and helping others?  I’ve heard that espoused within your sect. What I have seen in social media is a generic posting of “rituals” one can find all over the net and yet was never accredited to any other than the person who posted. A selling of various “tools” used in workings and offers of works done for others…at a price. And yes, even racial remarks against others not from Haiti, melanin challenged, of other paths. I didnt realize that is what your faith was about. I’ve met others who practice along your lines…gay, white people, black people..they all seem to get along…even “without souls”. They aren’t the same. Same rituals, sort of…they actually speak reverently of ancestors, even those deemed “inappropriate”.  So I call you out.  It’s time to stand up and denounce those bigots within your midst.  Stop allowing the posting of racist shit, and above all, be honest about what your faith believes and how you practice.  If you do not then you are no better, and no different than those you constantly degrade in your petty jealous “witch wars”(for lack of better term cause I know ya’ll are NOT witches).

 

tempête parfaite

We don’t need another hero

We don’t need another hero

 

 

My apologies to the great Tina Turner, for swiping the title to her song.  But it seemed to fit  where my thoughts were going today.

We’ve all seen the Chicken Littles.  Those people who after having been hit on the head by an acorn, run around searching for “someone”to come and save them from the falling sky.  These are the people who step out into areas they have no idea of how it works and get into trouble then demand a lifeline.  “Help me”! I hear over and over again, as do others, from people who will NOT listen to those more experienced who warn them to not go into the deep end.  “But I can do this..I know what to expect…I can be like you.  Hey we’ll make it a party and meet up in the Otherworlds..that will be cool right?” NO. They don’t listen.  What happens? They end up doing what was told that they should not do and end up out there on the ledge barely clinging to sanity, seeking medical help from those who only know how to write for drugs because they refuse to believe that the Otherworld exists. Is there help for them? Yes.  Apologize to those they pissed off across the divide, and close the door.  Then work on regaining some balance into their lives, letting go of all the role playing they’ve been into and going out into the sunshine and experiencing some real connections with others. You’ll notice that I made no mention of anyone else doing this? That is because personal responsibility decrees that YOU brought this shit to your door..YOU dismiss it.  It doesn’t belong to anyone else.  And don’t get me started on those who work without once thinking of protecting themselves then wonder why they have company.  Be careful what you ask for cause you may just get it…sort of.

What about those IRL(IN Real Life) who whine about everything in their lives from lack of finances, abusive people in their lives, yet stay in their situation without making a move to change it,  or spending money frivolously then complaining the next minute how broke they are.  For myself, it’s easy enough to say..if you are being treated less than you are worth, then move the hell on.  Tell your fears to take a hike and use it as the impetus to make yourself stronger and become whole.  If you can’t pay your bills, then set yourself a budget, writing down every dime you spend, doing without sodas, breakfast,lunch,dinner out, or going to fairs, entertainments   like movies etc.  When you can pay all your bills and breathe without feeling stressed at not having lights on or gas for your car to get to work, then and only then can you treat yourself.  It’s common sense people.  Nobody needs to show you the way “home”.  I see all the ads for companies that want to help you get out of debt(for a price–always a string attached)…It’s like nobody has ever told these people using the services that you do not outspend what you do not have.  Bills get paid first, kids needs come next.  Why?  because it’s called being an adult…personal responsibility.   No matter what side of the divide we find ourselves on, it is our personal responsibility to make sure that what we do doesn’t come back to bite us in the ass, leaving us to whine and cry expecting someone to swim out and save us. We don’t need another hero people, we just need to grow the fuck up.

 

 

This is not the Halloween you’re looking for

With the upcoming celebrations close at hand, I’ve been checking out the decorations and such of others.  Most are the typical hollyweird version of what it’s supposed to be about, the blood, gore, zombies etc that make tons of money for stores and movie studios.  Occasionally I run across some people’s altars set up and say “yeah..THAT is what’s is about”.   Now to be fair, those outside the pagan world celebrate with haunted houses, parties, dress up and tons of candy, and that is fine since its Halloween after all.  Others celebrate differently..Samhain, Dias de la Muerte, Fet Ghede.  Those celebrations are all about ancestors..those near and far who have moved beyond the veil.  We acknowledge their presence in our lives, their influence and their knowledge that continues. Some do this on Halloween night after other festivities as a way of bridging the secular world with their spiritual one, others work Nov 1, All souls day(the 2nd in some places).  For many its the last harvest time, beginning of New year, time of introspection in which to grow.
So imagine my dismay when I saw in a group of pagans people where one  speaks of Halloween as this is time of party games, and send the soul on its way, and “don’t all witches prefer the scary”? So many headdesks, I would not even know when to stop.   First, as I have pointed out many times, “we” are NOT all alike.  Some people like the horror shit.  I am one who does not.  Secondly, when the veil is thinnest, we do NOT send souls on…that isn’t our job.  We honor ancestors, invite them in, and feed them(dumb suppers), candles are lit to give them guidance to us.  I have no idea where this person got her info…it was just ignorant and to openly put it out in a group showed that.  What bothered me was that nobody chewed her ass for it or educated her as to why her info was wrong..Hell even a suggestion of Google would have been preferable to let that stand. People like that make me angry.  It’s why pagans aren’t taken seriously because of the fluff that abounds. This is stupidity at its best.  It’s not role play people.  Majority of us..this is our spiritual life you are speaking of.  Full of tradition(some of it UPG, others reconstructed from older path), and not some cloak that we put on and take off like some game when it suits us.  it encompasses all areas of our lives, and this is one of the most holiest of days for us as we thank those who came before us and guide our steps today.

I celebrate Fet Ghede.  I go to the cemetery , clean up around my parent and brothers place, speaking to them as I do so.  I place flowers and libation there as well.  Later I will have a dumb supper for those ancestors I did not know, those I did but are not buried close enough to visit their graves.  Lastly I will have a private ritual., making resolutions/plans for the new year. Nothing about this sounds remotely to what said above asscricket spoke about does it?  Of course not.  because this is part of my spiritual self.  Part of who I am.  And every time some jackass makes a comment like that, it pisses me off, because I feel that they are insulting the very fiber of what holds my path together.  Ancestors are damned important.  They have much to teach.  They give you roots upon which to build .

So for those of you playing around, celebrating Halloween, partying and all…that’s cool.  I have no problem with that.  Just remember that some of us take this time of the year pretty serious and could you educate yourself a little before opening the mouth and saying something insulting? It would be highly appreciated.

Stop the love and light shit already

Ahh..I have been drama free most of the week..no yelling or listening to the ignorance that some people spout on a daily basis.  So how to start off my new week?  Why, by voicing an opinion on a post and the OP resorting to yelling, stomping and throwing temper tantrums like the asscricket he is, of course. 🙂
So what is the new drama about? A friend posted a new meme that says:
Everyone can say I love you 
But not everyone means it
So believe it when you feel it
not when you hear it.

I called BULLSHIT.  Why?  Well as some of ya’ll know, I have issues.  And one of those is about those three little words.  Love is a verb. To be put into action.  If you say it, then how you treat the person you say it to will back that up. Standing in front of a mirror saying “I love myself” over and over again until you believe it is borderline psychosis.  I will admit that positivity is needed , but a mantra of  telling yourself that you love  yourself  is lacking on a lot of shadow work in order to accomplish that. Said asscricket says if you say it enough times you will believe it and that we are what we think..really?  If that is the case then a lot of people in this world are in damn big trouble.  Too often people have low self-esteem and think they are nothing more than what others validation makes them.  Again..BULLSHIT!!! We are MORE than what we think.  It takes work, and letting go of stones  that others have placed in our pockets that invariably cause us to drown with the weight as we step out into the waters that is life flowing by.  A simple mantra to place “magick”(his pretentious use of the “k” not mine) on ones self is not a viable option to living life here in the mundane.  In truth, it reminds me of the SNL skit of the guy looking in the mirror and saying, “I am special, I am intelligent, and doggone it, I like me”…It’s a joke.  Self delusion is not a harmless diversion.  There are a lot of self-help gurus around that would have you believe that if you tell yourself often enough then you can manifest what you want to happen. BULLSHIT.  If wishes were enough then cancers, abuse, wars and all the other ills of the world would disappear, because the gods know that many of us wish things could be different on a daily, hell sometimes even hourly basis.

I know people who make excuses for those in their lives that utter those words, and yet treat them with disrespect and are  abusive verbally.   So I can’t help wondering if the  self help asscricket  would prescribe them to do his mantra to gain some clarity in their lives to gain a magical foothold into finding the love in their lives.  I’m sure he would and he would be wrong of course.  When people validate themselves by others opinions, they have a lot of issues to work on.  And just telling yourself you love you, will not do it.  They have to learn the value of self.  That encompasses ALL areas of life.

For those who truly believe in all the love and light crap, that is your privilege I guess, but I live in the real world(and other areas as well) and do not abide with the view that “love is all you need” even if the Beatles did have a simplistic view of a better world.  What we need is some common sense of how to treat others and learn that lip service is not going to cut it, magically or otherwise.

tempête parfaite

Fire and water

Apparently I am protected by those who have always done so..I had no intention of going anywhere, and yet  I find myself  in a boat going down the bayou to a protected glade.  I reach the shore and smile as I catch the scent of herbs already wafting through the air.  Yet as I reach the protected circle, I dont see anyone close by , but the cauldron is in full roar and I swear I can hear the beginning rhythm of drums.  I push back the hood of my cloak and make my way to the fire and breathe deeply.  The herbs fill me with sense of purpose, their pungent odor of pepper and other sundries making me grin as I realize the direction of this night.  I sense Brin has set up a protective pose  at the entrance , yet do not turn to see.  She has protected me as I worked many times, so there is no need for me to make sure she does her job.  I don’t even have to ask who set this up.  I am aware of those who direct my steps, and I even know to whom this work is going.  If they had not been arrogant in their treatment of others, this might not have been necessary, and yet I feel no remorse at directing such a work.  I begin the words that come from others before me..speaking each tone precisely in a language that is not my own. I pull in from around me, energies that grow as I call the storm to me to be pushed out, gathering more rain as it grows.  The sound of drums continue, increasing in volume and my feet seem to dance as with a will of their own.  I turn and move around the circle, and feel the tempest within grow as I move.  In and out, around and about.  I see the subject of today in my mind’s eye and smile as I reach out and touch them.  Do they suspect what is coming their way?  Perhaps..just that feeling of an edge..the sense of “something” is close by.  Never mind “friend”…you’ll know soon enough.  I continue to dance, building that energy to crescendo level and send it on its way, shouting as I do so.  Never mind the words that went with it, they weren’t meant for others to know.  But they have significance.  I feel that heaviness come over me as it always does after I work and have released that energy flux, so I make my way back to the fire.  I make myself some coffee and add a liberal dash of rum.  Ahh..the satisfaction that fills me cannot be measured.  I continue to sit and relax and contemplate a work well done.  Finished with my coffee, I put out the fire until later use, pull my cloak closer and pull the hood up over my head and make my way back to the water’s edge as I make my way back home. Brin follows close behind, ever watchful, over protective as is her way.
I awake this morning with a sense of calm.  After all, I am not the one caught up in the tempest.  Consequences have repercussions that often reverberate louder and longer than many understand.  So I believe I’ll begin the day with coffee and rum…raises cup to the storm..slainte’

Spinning the web

“I thought I was supposed to stay put”, I said to George as I followed him.  “Someone wants to meet you”, he said.  Oh..someone wants to meet me..wait..what?  Who wants to meet me? I wondered.  George did not answer just kept walking down the path.  I sighed.. Yeah no use asking him 10001 questions because that is one taciturn spider and he will reveal only when he is damn good and ready.  Soon we arrive at a familiar spot. Crossing the bridge to the enormous tree where the spiders reside I slide a sideways glance at George who says nothing.  I shrug and follow him into the tree and down the long flight of stairs.  “I always feel like Alice” I say out loud.  To be stating that I’m speaking to George would be silly really because he seems only intent on our errand and not in conversing.  But I am surprised when he chuckles and replies”stay out of the rabbit holes”.   Well what do you know..a sense of humor! I smile and follow him down and soon we reach the bottom.  I blink as we step out as my eyes become accustomed to the brightness, and see several that I know well. They come to greet us  and we exchange pleasantries.  George waits a bit, then says we must be on our way, and we walk toward the weaving hut.  Wait.  I’m weaving?  George opens the door and we walk inside where master weavers are already at work.  One comes to me and she and George speak  together, then they lead me to a loom in the corner.  “I will be back in awhile”, says George then he leaves.  Just like that.  Well fuck! The spider left with me introduces herself.. “My name is Chantrelle.  I will be your instructor today.” She begins to gather threads for the loom.  Light, almost airy, silver. Iridescent web-like  threads that seem so fragile that if one but breathed on them, they would disappear, and yet as I held them, I feel their strength vibrate and smile at their deceptive looks.   Chantrelle shows me how to add the threads, and move the shuttle in and out and around in an intricate panel.  Jebus, I think to myself.  I am not sure I will learn how to do this one.  Chantrelle smiles at me and reassures me that I will indeed learn to weave it.  “Just practice with it and I’ll be back to check on you”, she says.  So I sit and try to replicate  what I have been shown.  Soon I have a hopeless mess of knots.  I sigh heavily. ” I cannot do this” I say aloud.  “Nonsense child”, says a voice behind me. I turn and see her.  Grandmere Spider.  I have no words because I am in such awe.  I never thought that I would ever meet her.  Hell truth be known, I never thought I’d meet half of those I have, but to meet influential ones..that always blows my mind.  I bow..”It is an honor to meet you Grandmere”, I say.  She laughs.  “I can say the same, walker of the worlds”.  “Now, lets attend to these knots”, and she turns and miraculously untangles all I have done wrong.  “The pattern is a similar one that you already use, but has a couple new twists”.  Slowly, she takes my hands and places the shuttle in one and instructs me deliberately and patiently .  I move the shuttle in and around, and up, down then through as she instructs and before us appears the most perfect star…OMG! I actually did it! I am so excited that I want to jump up and down and laugh, but how would that look to the Grandmother of spiders? Grandmere laughs.  “You did well.  Now we need to finish the work”.  I continue the pattern, marveling over the gossamer texture and the steel resolve of the pattern within.  As I move, making the web grow, Chantrell comes back.  “My apologies Grandmere”, she says.  “I should not have neglected my post”.  Grandmere brushes her off.  “I will instruct from now on”, she says.  “She has a knack for the loom and the web sings from her hands”.  Chantrelle moves away and I can see her looking a little confused, but hey, who is gonna argue with the spider in charge right?  All too soon, I am finished with the web itself.  Grandmere helps me remove it from the loom and we hang it on the wall hooks to admire it.  “It’s beautiful”, I say.  And it is.  It seems to shine with a light of its own as if the stars themselves twinkle within the web.  “You did well Cher”, says Grandmere.  George returns and bows as he notices who is with me.  “I have come to collect my charge”, he says “Take good care of her George, and make sure that she returns often.  she and I have a lot to discuss”.  I bid Grandmere adieu and George carries the web.  We make our way toward the staircase and while I am usually the one with questions, I find that it is George who has them this time.  So I explain how I came to have an expert web spinner become my instructor and the pattern she taught me.  We reach the top of the stairs and we find Brin waiting for us.  George hands her the web and we start toward the glade.  I turn and wave good-by to George, who returns the wave then moves on to the shadows.  Brin helps me hang the web and as I sit by the fire, I lie back and admire my work.  The web adds a new depth and has new meaning. Now I just have to pay attention to those who would explain that.

ice within

I am sitting on a rock in the dark.  I an in my favorite spot to meditate by the ocean high upon the cliffs but do not usually come here in the dark.  Unless things around me seem frayed.  I don’t feel frayed really, more of a discontent from sitting instead of working and a way to feel connected instead of feeling like I am floating in the cosmos. And yet, here I am in the “thinking” spot, in the dark. I pull my cloak around me to shield myself from the cold that is drifting in.  I think that’s odd because it is usually comfortable here when I come since extreme temps can distract me from finding the balance I come looking for.  But then, I don’t usually come in the dark either.  So why am I here?  At this point I can only speculate.

“Nice to see you looking well Cher”, says a familiar voice.  I smile as I turn around to face one that I have not seen for some time.  “I’ve missed you Brother”, I tell him.  “I would offer to hug you, but…” his voice trails as he shrugs.  I know that the cold will seep into my bones if I were to do so, but I have missed him dearly and reach for him, pulling him close in an embrace.  At once the cold begins to invade my bones, and he pushes me back gently.  “Can’t have you chilled”, he laughs.  So we move to a space out of the winds that seem to have arrived with him and take shelter within a small area with a ledge overhand that blocks the chill.  “You taking care of me now”? I tease.  He laughs and says seriously..”You are my bridge back and forth, can’t allow you to be harmed”.  So I sit with my back against a rock, relaxing as he lights a small fire for me.  I smile as I think of how often on mundane plane he must have done so.  Soon he is satisfied and comes to sit beside me.  We begin to talk… of my life, his existence and what things feel like for each of us as we traverse our way.  “So tell me why the disconnect”, he asks.  “What disconnect”, I ask? He sighs and shakes his head.  “You are pulling away Cher…from people, from those who could/would help you.  I want to know why”. I honestly have no idea and tell him this. It’s a dissatisfaction with things in general..the mundane, the spiritual. With myself. I tell him that since I have no clue as to why the disconnect, I really do not have a way to fix it.  “Why don’t you talk to those who are already connected to you”.  I sigh.  How to explain that old habits have crept in..the “I don’t want to bother/worry you” habit that keeps me silent and removed.  I feel like I’m hanging out in limbo somewhere..wanting to smash things to break the silence of the bubble that is around me…But just how does one fix that? “There are no easy fixes”, he tells me…”you know that.  But to not avail yourself of those who would listen as you spin, can be helpful because they might see some things you don’t.”.  “And what if I don’t want them to see?  You know I hate mirrors”, I laugh.  He shakes his head.  “And will use sarcasm as a weapon of deflection every.time.” I look down at my hands, my rings reflecting the light of the fire.  He takes my hand where the ring of tiger’s eye sits.  He smiles. “You wear that ring as I once did.  Did I tell you it was made on the reservation?” Yes , he had told me.  “Did I tell you that I had it blessed by the medicine man of the tribe after I went though the spiritual purification? No, he had not done so.  “I always wore it because of that spiritual connection to the earth and blessing.  You wear it in remembrance.  Now I ask you to open and allow that blessing to surround you. To allow its healing warmth to draw you back to first knowledge, love and connection”.  The tears fall even now as they did within my dream as I hear his words to me and feel the blessing that was placed within a small piece of silver and stone.  I had only thought of it and held it as a direct connection to one that I had loved with all of my being and lost too soon, and now here he was letting me know that it holds so much more.  He waits until I compose myself to again take my hand.  “I am always close and I know that you can find me should you need me to listen, Miss walker between the worlds”, he gently teases.  “Don’t allow the walls you build get so high that you cannot look over them or keep you from moving forward.  I know that you value your privacy and use it as protection.  Don’t allow it to become the way you live life because others love to see your light”.  I smile through my tears.  “You know being an adult sucks sometimes right?”.  He laughs.  “I wouldn’t know.  You always told me that I wasn’t one”.  He ducks from my pretend punch.  We both laugh.  Some things never change.
Too soon he has to leave.  “Stay by the fire”, he says.  “If things haven’t changed, you will still want to think and this will be more comfortable”.  He places a kiss on my forehead and makes his way back into the shadows.  I want to call him back.  It’s selfish I know, to want to keep him with me, when he has things to do.  he can’t be here on the mundane and I can’t stay within the shadows.  Brin soon joins me and sits beside me.  I curl up next to her, feeling comfort in the protection of her nearness.  She begins to sing me to sleep with the song of old that even though I do not know the words, still fills my heart, melting the ice that I feel within my bones. It’s a start I guess.  No clue as to how long it will take to find level ground, but I’ll make it.  Maybe it IS time to make some changes with the new year rolling in…we’ll see.  Until then, the status quo will exist for a bit I guess until I get sick of myself.

Education and validation

Validation.  Big word with intense meanings…something that corroborates a held belief,thought or action, to officially sanction it as correct response or action.
Personally, I look for validations when I’m working or from my guides that what I’m doing is correct or will have the desired results I intended. I do NOT look for it from others.  Why is that you may ask(and I know the couple readers who follow here probably will). It’s because I refuse to allow others to define who I am.  I look in the mirror every day-not for long I’ll admit since I dislike physical flaws that I KNOW are there ,lol.  So what do I see? A woman who has aged, not always gracefully, but that has gained in knowledge about just how strong she is, and can be again when the need arises.I see a person who shares her compassion with others, teaches life lessons to those who require them, and enjoys life as the journey it should be.  I also know my limitations.  I cannot change everything or everyone.  Some people will choose to remain ignorant no matter how many pearls are placed before them.  Those are the people who will be used as slag when the road to knowledge is constructed….trodden underfoot and mired in the mud and grit because of their willful ignorance.  But it’s those willfully ignorant people that frustrate the hell out of me.  They wear their ignorance like its a badge of honor-“we act like this because it’s expected of us, so we behave in a way that makes others laugh with us” .Wait.  What!?!?!?  You act STUPID because   OTHERS expect it of you? Why in the name of the gods would ANYONE let others use their bias and closed minds  to validate them? How does that benefit you? Does it help you grow spiritually? As a human being? I swear it’s enough to make one want to bang your head repeatedly until it explodes.  Nothing less than pain can remove that ignorance from your eyesight or hearing. All this “dumbing down” has got to stop.  It does nothing to further the education needed to make the right choices in our lives.  We as human beings have an immutable right to choose our own destiny, and frankly this crap of reality TV  does nothing to prove that people are taking advantage of that.  Why would one want to limit themselves to playing “Bojangles” to validate what others perceive them to be or deem they are only fit to be? How fucked up is that? Jebus, the number of people walking the earth who’ve grown up thinking they are less than their worth is almost innumerable.  You’re too fat/too skinny, too tall/ too short, too ugly/ too pretty,too stupid/too smart, too black/too white, ..the list is way too long to list here, but ya’ll get my drift.  Why let others define your worth?  Why let them pick what path you set your feet to?
The way I see it, is that this is dangerous thinking.  You begin by believing what others believe you to be and when the time comes for your voice to be heard ..NEEDS to be heard..you cannot speak.  This is what gets humanity into a world of hurt and causes history to be repeated across the board.  I hear people say “I can’t afford education”..really?  REALLY?  Open your ignorant eyes.  Education is all around you, free for the taking.  See that man over there tending the yard? Know what he’s really doing?  Taking his mind elsewhere from the day to day mundane problems, and feeling the earth..reconnecting, filling his spirit with something other than the bullshit handed out on every street corner.  See the woman in the corner knitting?  Guess what she is doing?  Observing humanity.  Removing herself from negative that flows from others and finding a calm place within herself in order to be able to face the other issues once she goes about her daily life.  Education doesn’t just come from books you know.  It’s from observation, finding those examples  that show us how to tap into creativity, a way to reconnect to that center we all hold.  It comes from living life , taking each day as it comes, reaching out for the promise held there and working through the obstacles that will invariably arise.  Don’t think because you are out of school, never finished school or hadn’t the opportunity to further your education that you cannot learn something every day.  Most of all, do not believe others when their image of you falls short of the one you hold within your heart…they’re wrong ! So go forth and educate yourself.  Stop thinking that you have to act like their views.  Become who you were destined to be.  It’s not as bad as you’ve been led to believe.