Amethyst's Offerings

RING!!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me? AGAIN?!?  I open my eyes to see the elf standing yet again in my room.  “I thought we were done with this shit”, I tell him crossly.  “My apologies”, he tells me, “but I need your help”.  I get a really good look at him now.  Standing tall in the half shadow, I look at him, his  eyes wild, hair tangled, and…”Is that blood I see on you?” I ask.  “I need your help Shae”, he repeats.  I get up and start toward him.  “Fine, let me look”.  “It’s not for me”, he tells me.  Not for him, I think..then who? “Will you come with me?” he asks.  I dress and tell him that I need to know what help is required if I need to bring other things.  “I need a healer”, he says.  I nod and begin the sorting of herbs, and other assorted things I would need and place them all in my traveling bag.  “I am ready”, I tell him.  A huge blue portal opens and he motions for me to go through it.  I think to myself that I have to be one of the craziest witches I know going places with strange folk.  But I walk through the opening and find myself in shadow.  Not the ones of ghede, that although are bone chilling cold, they  feel inviting.  Nor the ones that feel warm and comforting to me like the swamp, but this is one where I can see distant images of trees through the mist of darkness and it feels menacing as if it knows that I am an interloper.  I pull my cloak closer to me and grip my bag firmly as if to reassure myself that I will be fine.  Corwvyn is soon beside me and leads the way.  We walk for awhile and finally come to a huge tree.
Remembering the one from the spiders, I am not surprised to find that we are going inside the trunk.  The Elf touches a place on the trunk and an opening appears and he again motions that I should go first, which I do.  I enter a fairly good sized room which has a table and chairs, a fireplace  on one wall and a bed.  It is to the bed that he goes and speaks to the one lying there.  Another elf, I think to myself…GREAT.  “I brought the witch for you Daeg”, he speaks softly.  “She can help you”.  Daeg nods, and I move next to Corwvyn and see that this elf is very hurt.  Almost as if he  knows I am there, he opens his eyes and I can see how this came to be.  His green eyes are mirrors that tell me everything of the battle that is still raging and how he was injured trying to save his friend.  I shield myself against his pain because it is too much for even me to bear.  I speak softly to Corwvyn.  “I need some hot water  and more light so that I may see to his wounds”.  The fire is lit and water begins to boil in the cauldron.  I open my bag and begin to pull out herbs, moss and bandages.  I pull one of the chairs next to the bed, and pour water into a small bowl.  I remove the blood soaked bandage from Daeg and assess the damage.  What I see leaves me shaking because it is indeed massive and deep. ” I am limited” I tell him, “in what I can do, but I will try to ease you some”.  He closes his eyes and nods.  I begin to clean the wound gently and as I do I can hear the crash of battle around us.It is so loud that the tree shakes even though it is massive.  I jump and look around.  “It sounds closer than it really is” says Daeg gently.  I laugh.  “you are injured and yet seek to comfort me.  Sweet”.  I find that for the intrusion, I like the elves.  I begin to make  a salve with the herbs, and place it on the wound and bandage it with care.  I make a tea with the other herbs in my bag and have Daeg drink it.  “It will help with the pain”, I tell him.  He drinks it slowly and the door opens and yet another elf comes through.  Seeing me, he stops short.  “What is she doing here?” he demands to know.  I turn to look at him, and dismiss him as immaterial to what I am doing.  Seeing my slight, he begins to get louder.  “I said, WHAT is she doing here?” “Oh for the love of Elphaba!”, I whirl around and yell at him.  “Will you stop all the damn yelling? I am here because my friend asked for my assistance and I came to give it”.  He looks at me as if I have grown another head that I would dare yell at him, while Corwvyn grins at my sarcastic response.  “You heard the lady”, he says.  “I asked for her help and she agreed to come help me”.  The yelling elf looks at Daeg.  “And what if you get gangrene from accepting this witch’s magic?” he asks.  Daeg looks down at the neatly bandaged wound and looks back at “screamer”(I don’t know his name but this is what I tagged him with) and says,”I went to ‘healer’ and have spent two whole days and nights trying to decide if the pain was worth my life.  Less than an hour has passed and I am no longer in pain and the wound feels better.  I would say that is a much better improvement, so I cast my vote for the witch”.  He closes his eyes again and smiles.  Obviously this is not what screamer wants to hear, so he turns to Corwvyn and says.  “She needs to leave and soon for her own safety”.  Corwvyn agrees, which kind of surprises me but then there is much going on in their battle that I don’t know about.  I gather my things, and leave herbs for them to use, explaining to him what each is for.  Corwvyn listens intently and thanks me for leaving them.  I go to the bed and say my goodbys to Daeg.  “Thank you for coming, and for the help”, he says.  “I will not forget”.  “Take care of yourself” I say gently.  I turn and gather my cloak and bag…”I’m ready”, I tell the elf.  As we leave the tree, there is a vehicle there.  It is a cross between a jeep and a tank..massive.  “We will take this”, he says.  “it’s faster”.  OMDamn! Fast was so not the word for this thing.  We zipped along like we moved at the speed of light.  Soon we came to a clearing and the elf geared down to stop.  “Why are we stopping here?” I ask.  Corwvyn motions with his head and I turn to look.  There in the clearing stood George with the huge black dog from Maman’s as well as Brin. “A welcoming committee”, I chuckle.  “I kind of made you go off grid” says Corwvyn sheepishly.  “They won’t thank me for that”.  “Fuck!.. I thought I was protected, and I wasnt?” “I protected you” he said.  So he did.  I shrug and move forward.  Brin looking very much like a worried mother hen(which is damn hard I must admit) carefully looks me over as if reassuring herself that I am well.  “My apologies” said Corwvyn.  “I needed her assistance and she agreed to come”.  George looks at me crossly as if to say that we will speak on this later(yeah so looking forward to that one)m but it is to Corwvyn that he speaks to.  “I will ride back with you”.  Corwvyn nods, then turns to me.  “I thank you for your help tonight.  If ever there is a time when I can also repay the favor, just call”.  Then he leans forward and kisses my cheek.  With a wink he returns to the vehicle which George and the dog have already gotten into and with a flash it is gone, leaving me standing with Brin.  We move back through the portal with Brin hovering close.  “I am sorry that you were worried”, I tell her.  “I will try to warn you before I move off grid again”.  Brin arches an eyebrow at me as if to say there had better not be a next time, but ya’ll know how I am about rules, even those regarding my personal safety,lol.  I undress and put the bag back into my closet.  I get into bed, suddenly exhausted.  These trips into elsewhere take a lot out of me I think.  I’m getting too old for such shit .  that makes me chuckle because in the elsewhere I dont feel that way at all. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep…no dreams, but real rest until the mundane chirping of the alarm goes off signaling the start of a new day. I awake and think of the night…Crazy shit I think…And interesting friends to hang out with..Friends?  yeah, I think I might actually have to include them as such…I laugh and shake my head.  I swear I think this might be another sign of the coming apocalypse.

 

DEUCES

So yesterday was a rough day for me.  Other members of the tribe had things going on causing them stress and because we are closely affiliated, I get reverb which in turn kind of causes me to have my own meltdown of sorts.  I try to keep it quiet as I can so as not to knock all of us off the web, but even I am not immune to whining.  So eventually, I kind of pull it together, hang for a bit with other wyrd witches , and when I finally pull the plug, I am ready to sleep.  Yeah, I should have known that sleeping is the last thing I will be allowed to do.  I am soon aware that I am lying in a glade somewhere..not my usual haunt where Brin and I spend time, but a different spot.I am trying to find a comfortable spot, trying to fluff the pillow under my head, and when it moves, I realize that it is no pillow.  I sit up and look around, and there is George!  Now what am I doing lying in a strange glade using a snarky spider as a pillow, I think to myself.  “You needed the rest, cher”, George tells me. I nod and lie back down, looking up at the stars.  Odd, I think…I don’t ever seem to see him except in the dark.  George chuckles..”people would not be receptive to seeing me otherwise,Cher” he says.  I have to agree with that.  He continues speaking as I continue to check out the diamond studded sky.  “you’ve been sick this week, and let down you shields. It cost you today.”, “You mean it wasn’t a good time for me to spiral out?” I ask.  “That snark won’t work on me”, he tells me a little testily. “You know damn well that it costs you time because you have to regroup before moving on”.  “George”, I say gently,”sometimes in the aftermath of that spiral, I find nuggets of information about myself that I might have overlooked.  Yes, the meltdown is intensely painful.  I try to only harm myself. But I made it through, and while am still saddened over some issues, I will live to fight another day”.  George sighs.  “I brought you here to recharge.  Lie back and let the earth do its magic”.  I chuckle at the thought of this giant being telling me how to heal myself for I’ve always found a way to do so long before I met him, and yet I do as he asks, and lie back. I feel the short hairs on his back against my neck and appreciate that for all his own snarkiness, he has gone out of his way to be worried for and about me.  “George”, I say softly. “Thank you for reaching out to me.  For caring when I felt like nobody else did”.  “Most welcome, Cher. I owe you anyways”.  What does he owe me for, I wonder, then smile because a certain elf come to mind as he is the one who brought him to my door.  I had forgotten that..whoops, there goes a shot to the ego for said elf, I chuckle.  George laughs.  “I won’t tell him you don’t remember his name” he says.  “Oh I remember it “,I tell him, “but seems as if when I say it he appears like some other mythological being from a fairy tale,  so I choose to NOT say it”.  We both laugh, then quietly lie there and then I begin to feel it…..vibration.  It’s coming from the earth we lay on.  Soon I can hear it as well, it starts small, but soon I can tell the difference between a hum and the drum beat, moving in, around, through me.  It’s a rhythm older than time, one that I know from somewhere deep in my spirit.  It seems to fill me, toughing the innermost parts of my being.  Removing shadows, casting light into the corners. This space is healing my very soul.  I turn my head to look at George’s face, who looks at me, and reaches out to stroke my hair.  “Let it continue to move, Cher.  You hold too much inside you and you need to let some things go.”.  I nod, then I close my eyes, and allow the song of the earth fill me.  I smell the damp clay that has been with me since I learned to walk this path.  It is Ghede.  One foot on either side, I am able to see, hear, speak, smell, and yet am not afraid.  Maybe I don’t have the sense to be..maybe I learned a long time ago that respect from both sides is what was always needed.  Whatever it is, it has brought me into contact with those I needed to speak with.  I feel the drums begin to beat, my pulse seeming to move in time with the rhythm.  this too has been with me although for the life of me I cannot tell you why.  It is what it is I guess.  I’ve long ago decided not to question why some things are as they are and to move on using it as a tool for help.  the drums work as I work, so they are an integral part of me. Their song can calm me, inspire me, lift me when I need them to.  I smile and just lay there thinking about how blessed I really am at being able to find sanctuary when I thought the whole day had dissolved into madness.”I will go see Maman later this week”, I tell George.  He nods.  “I thought as much”, he tells me.  “There are some recipes I need and a conversation long past due”.  He laughs.  “She will help you as she always does”, he tells me needlessly.  This too I know for she has always been.  She is as much a part of me as anything else I carry in my path.  Providing needed information, sanctuary, respite from my inner demons.  I am lying on the ground, melding into the clay beneath me.  a part of the earth and yet not.  Part of the rhythm of sound that fills the void of spirit, and yet separate.  Some would probably think I slipped over the precipice down into the dark abysss, but I am comfortable where I am…and who I am with.   Yeah George has provided a renewal of sorts to me.  He didn’t have to do that, and if I try to offer any more than the thanks I have already give I will offend him.  Of this I am sure, since this is NOT his usual way of dealing with me.   I awakened this morning with slight headache which is usually the norm when I am elsewhere traveling in dream state.  But I also am more relaxed than I have been this week.  So at the risk of getting smacked later….Thanks again George.

 

DEUCES

What do you believe? Do you have patron deity/entity that you follow? Do they really exist?  Where is the proof?  For the majority of people proving god is difficult indeed.  For after all, for many it’s a matter of “faith”..the belief in things not seen.  There have been some interesting topics of conversation lately among friends, and others about what constitutes proof of our beliefs.  Some have suggested that if one believes in certain things, then one needs to prove that belief, and if they cannot, they cannot possibly be real . But I wonder how that can be a justifiable assertion.  Most of us follow paths that have no basis in a set construct. Some gods/goddesses are the things told and retold in myths, legends.   Even those who follow a more societal form of faith cannot prove god, yet follow with faith(some more blind than others),  have books that tell how their faith was developed(with a little editing by man).  Even paths that have a set structure, developed by others, have little basis of deity.  So the majority would fall under UPG.  So why would you demand that people “prove” their god(s)? To prove superiority?  Although to be honest, if we can’t really prove ours, then how can we then be superior?To prove those who add in some fluffiness which leave us shaking our heads are inferior to our path/way of doing things/?  While many in the pagan paths have an affinity to animal totems, not a lot of them feel the need to announce that they are in fact a wolf,dragon, -insert endless list here).  That role is mostly for those with little or no experience or research into their own path.  They feel no need to do a little research into history to see the basis of any path they might choose to follow(can actually say this about a lot of people no matter the path they follow whether it’s pagan or secular).  Many began the “otherkin” based upon RP gaming and its continued on into present day paganism.  It’s one thing to claim totems, quite another to claim to be one.  It’s probably one of the most troubling thing for me as a pagan  that people don’t understand the concept of how that fits in.  Not all follow a part of a path that adds totems, so it’s not difficult to understand other’s confusion.  But to demand proof from them when they clearly need educated (without elitist positioning from others)to me is more than a little close minded.  The thing about paganism is that we don’t all fit into the same mold.  We each shape our world and views based upon our own perspectives and the reality of our lives as we live it.  So demanding that others adhere to our way of thinking kind of defeats the purpose of being a pagan since one of the main things is the freedom to believe and worship as we choose.  It’s why so many leave the rule-filled dogma ed structured life of secular faiths.  They feel stifled and less connected to god by having to obey so many rules or edicts from the pulpit.  Most of us strive to find a way to connect spiritually, whether we acknowledge deity or not.  We should not have to “prove” to anyone where our connection comes from, why we believe as we do or how it benefits us.  I get tired of those that demand proof.  All anyone really needs to know about my personal path is that it provides me a spirituality that helps keep me centered. It gives me a way to find solace in a crazy world that sometimes has me running ragged.  I have deity that I do connect with.  They provide me with an example in making my personal path work for me.  Would it do so for others?  Maybe. It depends upon where they are coming from since this has been cobbled together based upon heritage, familial connections as well as seeking knowledge through teachers(some who taught me intentionally and some who did not), books and talking with others, even if we don’t all have the same path.  So if one expects proof from me, they will be S.O.L.  It’s not how I operate.  I am who I am, a perfectly happy, opinionated witch, and nobody else’s approval counts or is necessary for me to  feel comfortable on my path as it sits now.  I hope that everyone else can say the same for themselves because if they can’t, they have plenty more work to do…on themselves. Your path begins and ends with you.

DEUCES

Number one rule of SNARK CLUB.  There is NO Snark club.

Number two rule of SNARK CLUB. Never talk about SNARK CLUB.

Number three rule of SNARK CLUB. If someone cries or essentially just curls up in a corner after being exposed to the snark, it’s time to move on because there is essentially no entertainment value there.

Number four rule of SNARK CLUB . Don’t overload the conversation with snark.  While sarcasm and snarkiness have their place, too much of a good thing just crates a fight when a good snarky comment would have sufficed.

Number five rule of SNARK CLUB. If you have one conversation going, stick with it.  Sometimes it’s tempting to try and take one more than one conversation, but in the end, the snark becomes stale and ends up being a rehash of both conversations.  One cannot mix potatoes and grapes after all(unless you are making latkes and drinking wine, then its perfectly acceptable).

Number six rule of SNARK CLUB. Bare knuckles is all that is required to be a confident snark master.  Gritty truth wrapped in a little sarcastic humor goes a long way to saying what is needing to be said.

Number seven rule of SNARK CLUB. Snarky comments WILL be the norm.  It’s in our nature and by damn we WILL unload our brand of truth/humor upon the masses even if it kills them!

Number 8 rule of SNARK CLUB. If this is your first time visiting our little establishment, You MUST post a snarky comment, or you will live to regret it…maybe.

DEUCES

 

 

You know sometimes I just have to shake my head at some people.  they go from group to group demanding help, but the first time one gives a viable answer they run off in a huff because it wasn’t “magical” enough.  Such is the case of one young woman.  She claimed to awaken with blue under her fingernails several nights a week, and had no idea where it came from.  It was suggested that perhaps she was sleepwalking or perhaps trying to clean her nails, and was in fact using a pen or something.  Reasonable responses in fact.  Oh no, that wasn’t doing it for her.  She had to be involved in some otherworldly endeavor and we were just being obtuse.  She apparently is a “real” witch(whatever in the fuck that means) and transports herself to other places.  Ok, astral projection I understand, Otherworld I am more than a little familiar with.  Witch I know I am..but seriously? Why would one not rule out something here in the physical before going off on a tangent with people who know their shit and refuse to listen to them?  This is exactly why so many pagans are considered fluff.  Too often they have read one too many cotton candy books that are all “love and light”, so they tend to look for things that are not there.  Noise in the dark?  spirits speaking.  Letter in the mail from unheard of relative.  Omen.  Fired from job?  Someone hexed them.  Seriously people.  Look for the mundane in your life before trying to add “magic”.  We live in the physical..perhaps some of what you are doing here on this plane is affecting other areas in your life.  I know, it’s not anywhere near as fun or exciting to think spirits might be trying to contact some fluff who has no clue how to have a discourse with them, or that finding a penny heads up will bring you luck or some such shit.  Don’t even get me started on those who think it’s unethical to charge for services..or as one told a friend “inethical”..Yeah, if you’re going for words out of reach of your vocabulary..use a dictionary.Sometimes one just gifts to others..it’s who we are.  Other times we charge for our services and products.  Nothing wrong with that.  But to try and convince others that our way of doing things  is perfectly fine is harder than trying to hitch a mosquito to a wagon pulling watermelons(yeah I know its weird imagery…go with me on this).  They just do not want to listen.  The reality is that to them it all has to do with the magic(k)–pretentious with the “k”, but I digress….  Even when its happening in the here and now there MUST be a magical reason for it.  And of course THEIR way is the correct way.  Get a grip people.  It is what it is and not everything is about you or about some unexplained magical thing.  Check your reality meter..It is obviously on the fritz…but then, maybe I hexed it 🙂

 

DEUCES

Ever notice how others seem to judge us by their own yardstick?  If you don’t walk, speak, practice according to their views, then of course you are either totally wrong, sorely lacking in knowledge or just fluff.  If you have deigned to write, voice your opinion or just put out there for public display, invariably there will be someone who either doesn’t agree, wants to tweak how you think, or wants to argue the validity of  your own personal point of view.  Then there are the ones who demand that you share any and all of yourself on said path. If you don’t do it this way, give up any knowledge gifted to you, or constantly speak out on said path..then they want nothing else to do with you.  WTF?!?! So let me get my head wrapped around this.  You want me to either do it EXACTLY as you say to do it, AND to constantly flap my gums about it so that others also do it that way.  Am I getting this right?  Well, who died and left you heir to the throne?      If I don’t do this that you demand, you will have no use of me?  Really.  Kick rocks then.  If all I am to you is a means to an end, a way for others to be deluded into thinking that you as “god” are indelibly correct in all you speak or do, then you better get on down that road and find some other indolent moron to fulfill that role.  It has taken me a long time to learn to be true to who I am.  Some days I’m still a little unsure as to the right direction, but that hasn’t stopped my feet from moving forward.  I am learning that I cannot listen to the noise around me because when I do, I lose myself in the cacophony of  other people’s views.  My world becomes jumbled and filled with flotsam that serves no purpose to me, other than to tilt me off center and we all know it never bodes well for me to be that way..for anyone.  So you can either accept that I will be who I am..a snark filled witch with a path that is intensely personal. Loyal to those I gather near and consider family, loved for who they are, no matter their walk. One who will continue to speak as I see it..even if that opinion is different than yours…that is what makes us interesting.  I cannot worry that what I say or do will hurt your feelings.  This isn’t about you.  It’s about me and for finally realizing that we all are different, have different ways of coming at things.  It’s about breaking the ruler and not worrying about “coming up short” according to others definition of who I am.  I know I’m not the only dealing with this after conversations with others, but now is the time of year that I do this type of reflection and I am finally strong enough to stand up and say to those cynics, detractors, disparagers, and general asshats.  Fuck you…and everything that makes up you..your path, your dress, your speech…in general YOU.  I don’t need you to validate me or anything I do.  And on that gem of a note…I bid you au revoir, beannacht, orevwa, good riddance, kick rocks.

DEUCES

I’ve been reading couple of  close friend’s blogs.  One speaking of a dream she has often, that I have spoken my POV on..the other who defends our friend against the judgmental asshats who also have taken a turn.  My view was that she needed to listen, and banish the negative…I was close in that train of thought, but I think she might have misunderstood about what I meant to banish..it wasn’t the voices in the winds, but other negative that I can see.  But then, who am I to judge that something is a negative.  For her it might work, just as I have things others kind of look askance at because they don’t understand how I work either.  The asshats?  Someone suggests she has “shamanic” leanings she needs to acknowledge.  WTF?!  What kind of new-agey shit is that?  First, “shaman” isn’t a word that any  self respecting Native American uses, and the way its tossed around in all these different fluffy groups, makes it akin to someone claiming a title…ANY title, from High Priestess, Druid, Witch, etc etc .  I could tell you I am a pilot..would you care to climb on my broom and go for a flight?  I haven’t had any formal training, but I’ve read a lot of books on the subject.  No..wait!  don’t call the men in the white coats just yet.  Hear me out.  There are spiritual wise ones , but they often have no label to fit them.  they also have no set deity.  WHAT?! No one to follow?  How can that be?  It’s simple really.  One admits that in any given time, one or more would be beneficial in what we are attempting to do.  I do not have to have one particular god that I follow…I believe that god exists in all things..for all people.  Why limit it?  Why when you do not have a set in stone set of rules do people seem to think that you are lacking or that you must be severely disturbed in your walk?  The people I know come from all walks.  They choose when and where to interact with deity and  on what level.  I don’t make that choice for them any more than they have the right to do so for me.  The dreams that some of us set down to paper..those are for our benefit..a way to come back to analyze and hold it close in a tangible way so that we can decide what parts are relevant for us.  It isnt open for discussion from asshats who think they know all there is to know about us or decide “this is where you’re going wrong”.  Fuck that.  Fuck you and the rabbit who brought you down the wrong hole.  Nothing is as it seems.And yet it is.

 

DEUCES