Amethyst's Offerings

I pop in and out of various groups sometimes, depending upon what I see going on .  Some pagan groups, some with rootwork , hoodoo, voudoo..depending on interest.  So I was sitting yesterday, and saw the notifications pop up where someone was in  someone’s group asking for assistance in using a site to buy some supplies for a working.  But as she kept talking, I realized that her problem wasn’t the one she was stating.  She had someone owing money but was tied to him and didn’t want to be, but the problem was, she had bound him to her..always a bad move in my book..if one doesn’t want to stay in a relationship because they want to, then binding will only make that a worse hell than one can imagine.  As she kept on seeking the perfect tools to get her money back and to rid herself of the person, she mentioned another one that she had also previously bound to her and left, but he had resurfaced(no kidding–yeah that was sarcasm folks)She wanted to know if she could use the same working for both…I know those who practice are sitting laughing and shaking their heads over the stupidity of someone who would dare practice without a fucking clue as to what they are doing, but I have found that many do this.  The correct answer(which I was grateful to hear from the group owner) is that it requires a separate working.   With so many authors out there and things online, one can find something that sounds great in theory, but can come back to bite you in the ass if you try it out without true knowledge.  That’s why many traditions make one follow a year long apprenticeship so that one can learn before adding magic to their path.  I don’t follow a set trad, so it was a challenge making sure the things I had learned were in fact true, and worked for me.  I was lucky enough to have someone who taught me about herbs and being true to myself as well as finding my guides early on in life…a great many people do not.  So what compels someone to wander around binding, casting working without a clue?  They aren’t listening…not to themselves, not to the guides and for sure not to those who tell them that what they do is dangerous, can cause harm both to themselves and others.  They open doors letting in all sorts of entities and then wonder how are they going to make it all go away, so they run here and there hoping someone, somewhere will take pity upon them and help them out.  Sometimes, someone will be helpful, but still others will “help” for a price.    What happens when you can’t afford that price?  They might just be S-O-L, depending upon whom one asks, but if they listen, they can usually find a way out for themselves.   My recommendations? Learn all you can before attempting anything..Learn who you are, who your guides are  and what they will help with.  Bind only when you have to, and NEVER for  relationships. Kick ass when its warranted..yeah I know those who know me know that I joke about that quite a bit, but the truth is..I rarely use it for personal use…It’s usually done in protection of those I care about..and its a rare thing…Protect yourself at all times.  And FFS, stop working just because “you can”.  It shows your ignorance of realms you have no knowledge of, arrogance that you are the one in control when in fact you are not and stupidity that you know fuck all about what it is you think you “need” in your life.  Close the lips, open the mind, and start listening.

 

Today I received a gift.  I knew it was coming, the giver had told to be expecting it.  And yet when I picked it up in the mail, I was like a child at christmas.  Silly I guess that a small remembrance from someone would make me smile, and want to tear into it eagerly before I even get it into the house.  So I open the small package, and smile as I see that it has been packaged for even more protection, and the irony is not lost on me as I pull the small pouch out.  I spill the stones into my hand, smiling as I observe their names, their  energies.  I hold each one up individually, feeling their smooth edges, their energy, each one telling me their name.  I smile as I hear of the journey to me and how happy they are to be home.  I also smile as I give thanks for their safety in reaching me..for the giver’s generosity…yeah, special thanks for the giver…smiling here.

The desert is dry, caked from the lack of moisture of any kind.  Even the normal desert life is absent in the stillness.  Those that once roamed here leave evidence of their existence..bones bleached white by the sun that is white hot fire in the sky beating down on all that dares to enter this space.  The traveler continues walking..putting one foot in front of the other, his mouth parched with thirst and his skin feeling as if it is on fire.  If only if he could find a patch of shade, a respite from the heat, maybe some water gathered in a crevice somewhere to slack his thirst…but all he sees is the open vista of nothingness, that scene that seems to stretch on forever.  So he keeps walking.  It wasn’t always this way…this aloneness ,out in the middle of nowhere.  Once he had things..tangible things that he called his own..He isn’t sure how they all managed to slip through his fingers into nothingness.  So he finds himself here, in the barren wasteland, walking for an eternity it seems.  After what seemed like days, but might have been only hours, the traveler soon reaches an oasis of sorts…a small patch of green in the brown, cracked, earth.  it’s not much to look at really, a few scrub cactus, brown desert grass, their parched fronds, waving feebly in the stirring of air created by the traveler himself.  But it is a small modicum of shade..a respite from the harsh sun searing his brain.  So the traveler sits down..grateful for the rest…He leans back on a rock under the tall cactus that throws its shadow like tossing its hat into a ring, thinking that he will perhaps rest a moment, close his eyes…. disappear.  “Feeling sorry for yourself are you”? says a voice coming from above him. Eyes wide open now the traveler looks around to see who said that since he has seen no one  since he began this tedious journey.  All he see is a great black bird sitting in the cactus.  “I am hallucinating” he thinks to himself…sighing heavily, he again closes his eyes.  “So, tell me”, again speaks the voice,”why are you here”? Once again the eyes of the traveler opens and again he sees there is nobody but the bird.  “I am losing my mind” he chuckles self-consciously.  As he beings to prepare to close his eyes yet again..the bird speaks.  “Did you not understand the question” he asks?  “You speak english, yes?””I have gone too long without food and water” says the traveler…”birds cannot speak”.  “And who spoke that?” asked the bird.  Shaking his head slowly, the traveler looks at the bird warily.  “You really speak”? he asked.  “Apparently since you seem to be comprehending my words”, said the bird.  The traveler sits up and wraps his lanky arms around his bent knees.  “So what did you ask” he asks the bird.  “I asked you why you were feeling sorry for yourself when you are here by choice”, said the bird.  The traveler nods wearily..”It’s true”, he said.  “I was doing well when I thought that things could be better if I went another direction…I was wrong”, he sighed.  “Clearly” said the bird.  “Did you show up to bring that to my attention” asked the traveler sarcastically…”or was there another purpose for this visit”?  The bird chuckles..”still have spirit I see”, he laughs…”that’s good..you’ll need it”.  “I don’t know why”, says the traveler…”I’m stuck out here in the middle of a wasteland, nothing to see or do, no clue why I would need anything”.  The great bird looks at the traveler for what seems hours, but was just moments in time, then speaks slowly as if to a child, “You create your time.  Whether it’s spent chasing reality, or wandering off in dreams…it is all created by you.  Sometimes there are moments that make you hold your breath, either from fear or because they are so magical that to breath seems to break the spell.  You create it all.  You manipulate your environment, changing the scenery within every moment.  It is your here and now.”.  The traveler sat silent looking at this bird marveling at the wisdom that had been spoken and then he realized, that yes he had created this desolate place, this nothingness that had no beauty, no place to slack his thirst in his quest for living.  It was all his creation.  So how to change this, he wondered. As if reading his thoughts, the bird begins to speak again.  “To change one’s reality, one must be ready to change their perspective.  Not everything is absolute nor carved in stone.  Life isn’t black and white..there are varying shades of grays as well as the other colors that resonate as yours as you weave it into existence.  It is up to you to find something that is yours..that speaks to you..whatever that may be in your life, whatever path.  Changing direction in mid stream often overturns the boat, and if one is still carrying stones in your pockets you will drown”.  “Or ends up in a no man’s land” says the traveler speaking his thoughts aloud.  “Yes”, agrees the bird.  “So what are you going to do about it?” the bird asks.  “I think”, begins the traveler”that I am going to begin where I started changing direction and rethink an alternate route”.  As if by magic, the scenery began to change.  The once scabbed piece of shade began to transform into a true oasis, with lush greenery, running water.  The traveler marveled at the change, as he glanced at the bird.  “I did tell you that the reality was yours” said the bird.  The traveler who had been wandering for eternity it seemed, jumped into the small pool, putting his face under the running water as it cascaded over the rocks.  he drank his fill then stood letting the water wash over him, washing away the dust, the pain, the emptiness, filling him yet again with renewed purpose.  When he finally felt refreshed, made whole, he walked out of the pool and sat down on the bank.  “Thanks bird”, he began but as he looked around, there was nothing there but him.  Thinking about the conversation, the traveler began to think he had made it all up.  yet here he was, wet, sitting on the greenest, purest place on earth he had ever experienced.  As he looked around again, he spied next to a tree where once a cactus had been, a feather, the blackest, shiniest one he had ever seen.  The traveler smiled.  “Many thanks bird…I won’t forget the lesson”.  With that, the traveler turned and continued on his way, renewed and filled with true purpose.

 

Tomorrow is Veteran’s Day.  Coming from a military background that means quite a bit to me.  My dad was in the Army before I was born…went to Germany when they were putting up the Berlin wall in 1959 and did two tours in Viet Nam, came home and did a year of funeral detail when we lived at Ft Knox, then went to Korea to the DMZ…We lived all over the world, and one thing was a constant…Military anniversaries were treated with respect, there were parades, music, and at Reveille and Retreat, wherever one was on post, you stopped and saluted the flag until the bugle stopped sounding.  Saluting the flag was a given at any function whether it be a civilian parade or military.  All these things were ingrained into my being, because as my dad used to say…There is only one color on this base..OD Green and ONE race…HUMAN…meaning we were all in this together.  Parents went away and returned(mostly), and we grew up knowing that life isn’t fair, it changes constantly and military rules are totally different than the rest of the worlds.

So tonight, I was watching a video a friend posted, of military clowning around to Tic Toc by Ke$ha, then Brae joined me and we just kept watching others.  As we watched, I quietly talked to her about my dad and what his job was in the military..he had several, but mostly was instructor for the Howitzer cannon, 1Sgt, babysitter for those far from home and needing guidance.  He passed away 5 yrs ago in April, never making it to his birthday on May 10.  Braelyn was born that same year on May 12.  I want her to know that he worked very hard to serve his country, allowing us to believe as we believe.  He would have loved her precious self, laughing at her dancing and jokes.  He really loved the little people.  Tomorrow there is a veterans program at school, and I am going to watch.  It will be bittersweet because my dad always went and was honored with others at the event.  Will I cry?  maybe a little..have today as Brae and I talked about him…not so much because he isn’t here because with all the pain he endured at the end, he is much better off where he is, but because the little people will not get a chance to know him and understand how much sacrifice involved in what he chose to do for a living.

 

Tomorrow while you watch programs, see things on television or even know a veteran..Thank them for all they do and take the time to remember those who no longer walk among us for it was their courage that gave us a precious gift…freedom..don’t ever take that for granted.

 

PEACE OUT

I’ve been reading on a page I like on Facebook of someone’s making of Christmas gifts for family that speaks of heritage, and love.    For me those are the best kind of gifts to receive.  It also makes me remember some that I have given, to others that mean more to them than was my original intent.  I’ve given my mother hand prints made of cement of the little people for her garden(they now sit in mine).  she spoke often of her “box of rocks”, which made me chuckle and even now brings a smile to my face as I remember it.  I gifted an ex son-in-law pictures in an album when he was in the marines…I mailed it in with the little people’s gifts, so he didn’t expect it…why did I do that?  well I didn’t want them..they meant nothing to me..wasn’t my service time..but was a time that had some memories for him, so they were sent…yeah I like to surprise people at times.  I like to give gifts that have meaning to them..cookbooks with old family recipes, old pictures of family long since passed refinished and framed…gifts of crafting things for those people on my list that do such things, books that they have been lusting after but either lacked funds to get them or could not find(I have my ways).  For me it’s not about the gift for the sake of giving one.  I want the recipient to remember that I thought enough to remember what they like, who they are as a person and what is more likely to touch them .  I’m not about the religious aspect of the time of the year..as a pagan, Yule would be more in step, but the gift giving applies to both.  What matters to me is the finding of that perfect gift for someone.  Gift certificates to their favorite restaurants, spas, appts to their beautician…Things that they enjoy.  It doesn’t take a lot of money to provide the perfect gift, but it does require thought and time, and really…that is part of the gift itself.

Ancestors..that word says a lot, and yet not enough.  For many it can mean immediate family, to others it can go a long way back in the lineage.  Still others pull in ones that they didn’t/don’t know personally yet are included in their lives.  I am a mixture of the three.  I’ve had family that have made the transition beyond the veil(brother, father, mother), others in the lineage going back, grandparents, great-grandparents(I am named for my great-grandmother and miss her dearly), and then there are family members that I didn’t get the chance to meet as well as the guides that I pull into my path as we work together.  I honor them all this time of year.  My altar has mementos of them, pictures, art work, cigars, rum, incense, flowers of the season…Things that represent them and myself.  So it’s no surprise really that I am receiving visitations of spirit while the veil is thin.  I start this celebration of soul on Samhain, which usually begins with trick or treaters on Halloween..the little people here love the dressing up and treats.  Also its appropriate because it was my mother’s birthday and she loved that part of her day when kids showed up at her door and she got to gift them with candy.  My bonfire is on the second day, Dia de los muerte…all soul’s day.  I write down things that I need to remove from my world in order to gain positive, and throw it all into the fire to be destroyed and the ashes lifted to the winds to carry on away from me.  Nice practice.  I will work privately but those rituals are not for publication.   It’s similar in fashion to New Year’s resolutions which for many of our path, this marks the beginning of a new year.  So on the third day I  speak to  the ancestors, thanking them for the guidance I receive and the love they filled my life with.  Three days I pull together, commit to, because I feel its important to remember where we come from.  Without knowing that foundation, we have no roots in order to grow.   Family, no matter how long ago that was, gave us the roots to become who we are, gifted us with flight so that we soar as we seek higher enlightenment.  We might not always appreciate the lessons as we are going through them, but when we end up looking back, we can certainly see where they helped us grow into who we are now.  We are stronger for going through things that would cause others to hit their knees and stay down. We gained knowledge at the side of some who gifted us with a knowledge of nature, and the universe that others only hope to gain a glimpse of.  We are granted access to guides who take our hand and lead us on a road that fulfills us spiritually and gives us new insight to ourselves and the world around us.  It is our responsibility to use this knowledge and further its use.  We are the light, the change that we wish to see in the world around us.  We cannot sit idly by and allow others to think for us, to demean us or try and change us from what we we are destined to be.  To whom much is given, much is required.  That statement along with others from my Gran resonates with me.  I think on it often when I am asked to help someone, whether its to do a working or just share knowledge  that I may have access to.  But I also temper that with responsibility.  If I feel someone hasn’t the wherewithall to use said knowledge properly, I don’t give it up.  Nor will I work for someone just because they want revenge…I limit that to personal issues,lol…just a joke..don’t go telling people I’m a kick ass witch..on second thought do that…it might keep the asshats from getting in my face.  🙂  Taking the time to remember the ancestors reminds me that sometimes its necessary to clean out our “closets” so to speak.  Remove that which is worn and no longer useful, check the attitude and see where we can tweak it to be a little more positive, look over those past life lessons and see where they fall in the chapter of our lives in which we find ourselves now and see if we can let them go back into the memory book..not to be forgotten but to be used just as a yardstick of how we have grown from that particular time and place.  There will also be people in our lives that serve no purpose as well.  They bring negative into our lives, and cause drama…life is too short to allow that, so sometimes its necessary to cut them loose and move on.  Although some of those people can be held onto just to serve as a reminder that we refuse to allow ourselves to become like that.. judgmental, bigoted, demeaning and small minded.  They are lessons, and even though they can bring chaos, remember that to create, one has to sometimes have destruction.  Our ancestors know this, and its why when the veil thins they come to make sure that those who honor them remember that our of chaos brings new growth.  It’s natures way of renewing itself.  It’s OUR way of reaffirming that we are survivors of life’s storms, dancers in the rain, blooms in the sun.  Strong enough to handle anything.  I am grateful to those who went before me, shared their love and energy and showered my life with knowledge and courage.  Síocháin a thabhairt duit.

Interesting how life brings things back to memory huh?  Today is a special day…in many ways.  It is “ancestor day”..Dia de los muerte , Samhain, Halloween and my late mother’s birthday.  For those who don’t know much about the first two I’ve named, it is a day of remembrance of those who are peeking through the veil..those we’ve loved and lost to another plane of existence.  We honor their memories by telling stories of their lives, remembering them with love and laughter..And there is both of those for me even when things were not so good .  So today, I will tell you a bit about my mom, Annie, who passed  just a little over 3 yrs ago.  She grew up the 3rd oldest of 11.  Her dad did various jobs, railroad, WPA, mechanic, sharecropper.  whatever it took to keep a roof over his family’s head and food in their bellies. Her mom couldn’t even read..left school in the 3rd grade, because in those times, girls didnt need an education.    Annie  married my dad, who was in the Army, when she was 19 and they set out on a course that took our family all over the world, and was a  stay at home mom who helped wherever she could in Dad’s career, creating a home for the 3 rambunctious army brats who filled the house with noise.  She pushed us to get involved in the activities the post usually had for the kids, ball, bowling, scouting.  She made clothes for me and my sister..I have pictures somewhere of some of those dresses.  She taught me how to embroider, crochet and sew..something I use even now.  I sew for a living, have for over 25 yrs now..It’s put a roof over my kids head, sent my girls to college…not a bad thing for one’s ancestor to have taught you hmm?  Annie wasn’t perfect by no means, but she tried to keep the house moving…military houses are notorious for always being on the move.  New posts every year, Dad being gone to some far off godforsaken place a year or more at a time, so she was a single mom more often than not, trying to keep things rolling along smoothly.  While there were differences as my sister, brother and myself were growing up…things changed considerably when our little people came along.   I have 3 kids of my own, my sister has 2, and all of them loved to hang out at   Ma-ma and Pa-pa’s house.  they would go practice ball in the huge backyard, or sit and watch my mom make some costume they needed for school.  One year she made my son a Ninja Turtle costume..It looked like he had been eaten by one, but he loved it, it was totally different than anyone else’s.  she made a kimono for Robyn when she was 4th grade queen and rode on the float for the christmas parade the town has every year…It was amazing, looked every bit like the ones sold in the markets downtown in the small Japanese villages to tourists.  She sewed a turn of the century dress for Mandy, my niece..a mumu for Hef for their Hawaiian day …All these things she did with love for those little people.  They brought their friends there for countless lunches, dips in the pool at band camp summers, went on excursions for their spring breaks with her. She was amazing in her transformation as a grandmother.  I used to marvel at how that happened til I acquired my own little people, then I understood.  Sometimes we’re so caught up in the necessities of the taking care of our kids that we don’t always stop and revel in the small things that are there.  We do that when the little ones come along behind them.  A shame really, because I think that would have been interesting to see what could have come out of doing that.  My girls used to go out to their grandparents house on my mom’s birthday after they got through trick or treating, and  they would  roll her yard with toilet paper(small town fun for the kids ), and soaped her windows, one year saran wrapping my dad’s truck so that he had to take his pocket knife and slide it in the grooves of the door just to get in it,lol.  they were under strict orders to leave my mom’s car alone, and they did…it used to make my mom laugh and my dad roll his eyes, as they usually started the clean up before the girls came back out there and help them and have breakfast with them.  They still speak of those times with laughter , as it should be.  Things got a little stranger still when the kids little people came along.  My mom was there at the hospital when my oldest grandson, Trey Michael, came into the world…She looked at that little face, and “Grammy” came into existence.  She loved that little boy, as she loved Robyn and made sure that she saw him on a daily basis.  The others came after that, Benson, Alexandria, DaKota, Graycee, Andrue, Braelyn.  She went to their programs, made things for them…the cycle continued until my dad passed , and she grew too ill to continue.  I remember the good times with her today, as it should be.  The positive things are there to make me smile.  Annie didn’t always have an easy life, but she was a strong woman.  It takes that to be an military wife and mom…to still stand in the face of adversity and try to be all things to all people…it’s a difficult task, but she met that challenge head on.  She taught me some valuable lessons, and they made me who I am today..So happy birthday mom…peace and love  be with you.

Life is a bit strange at times isn’t it?  We go along minding our own business trying to stay on even keel, and then get blasted by someone else’s indignation of our point of view.  Is that not a little skewed?  Does it really matter if we have a warped sense of humor or speak using language that they disapprove of?  Does it even matter if we have a different religious point of view in our lives and choose not to stay confined within a group that serves no purpose for us?  No teaching, no learning, no real interaction except to be slammed for our differences?  I try to let others do as they please(provided it does not interfere with what I am doing).  So when things hit my inbox, I tend to get more than a little snarky in my response.  So here is the new agenda for those with their own ideas of what I should be doing:  I will no longer allow myself to be used by those who provide no reciprocal benefits.  I will no longer allow those who have their own agendas to waltz in and upset the balance that has taken some time to be achieved.  I will no longer allow others opinions of what I say or do to matter.  Get over yourselves and move on.  The discussion is tabled before it begins.  Finis.  I will no longer allow others to define me by their own warped criteria…we all have a responsibility to ourselves to live life as we have been destined to do, finding our own way, our own spirituality and our own sense of self.  When we allow others to choose that for us, then we have given all our power and control to others and that is unacceptable to me.  I refuse to allow myself to be drawn into aligning myself with others in the hopes that they will broaden my scope of view on my own path, when in fact if I had trusted the readings, I would have known that they would not.  I refuse to allow those who are “dismayed” by my thought processes in these matters to sway my thinking and back track on the inroads I have made on my path.  I like who I am, appreciate that I have strength on which to draw upon when things get little dicey on days when I may not feel at my best.  I have inner balance that calms me when I need to find center in order to face the storms that come with a certainty in life.  I have friends that I have “collected” that make me laugh, allow me to vent when I need to, rant about the things that piss me off whether it affects me personally or a situation that is so unfair that one needs to speak out about them.  They share themselves and their lives so that this truly becomes like a family unit..to be protected, nurtured and enjoyed.  Those people are true treasures and damn hard to find.   I will live as I choose, being the person I was meant to be, moving through life with purpose.  I will give respect to others but refuse to allow others to bully me into walking their direction because they don’t agree with mine.  Respect should be a mutual thing, given freely..not mandated through fear or coercion.  I refuse to allow my gifts or talents be usurped by others for their benefit, I don’t mind sharing with people, but to be taken for a ride without benefit of a parachute for the freefall that is sure to come afterwards is not high on my “to do” list.  I’ve had my fill of that from days past.  I refuse to fill in the gaps of knowledge of others if they are not willing to put in some work…To do that means I am rehashing things that I already know and the other person is a sieve…not retaining anything.  I share with those that already have educated themselves, but want to add to that…That’s a good thing, because for the most part, its reciprocal, because I usually end up learning some things myself.  I refuse to allow myself to feel guilty when someone pouts at my refusal to “help” or “join” in their endeavors.  It’s not MY project…do it according to YOUR vision.  If I choose to not allow myself to feel guilt at not helping you out, then it makes a much more positive space for me to occupy.  Sometimes that is just a work in progress, but then so is life :).  I refuse to allow your view of who I am to skew the vision I see of myself in the mirror.  I am not some evil person hell bent on ruining your life.  Any mistakes made between us, demands both sides take personal responsibility..I’ll admit I’m not perfect..will you?  I do the best I can to be the best version of someone who gives a damn about myself, my family, friends, and the world as a whole.  I refuse to allow anyone else come in and screw that up.  I do enough of that on my own…Life is a journey, meant to be experienced with joy and exuberance, not just muddled through existing with no desire to feel that within your spirit.  I wake every day with new purpose, desiring to share with others, the universe, myself all that there is that brings joy to my life. It’s what makes me happiest.  I refuse to allow others to say that I can’t….because by damn..I WILL.

 

PEACE OUT