Crossroads

When one thinks of crossroads, a dirt road crossing out in the middle of Bum fuck Egypt comes to mind for a lot of people.  It has been said that many come to the crossroads looking for fame and fortune.  one of those legends was Robert Johnson, legendary bluesman from Mississippi, who it was told that went to the crossroads near Dockery Plantation(near Cleveland, Ms in the delta), and met up with a large black man(aka devil) who tuned his guitar and allowed him to make the music he was famous for.  I don’t know what kind of deal ol’ Robert made, or if he really did although he claims to have done so… but in his lifetime, his recordings sold poorly, and he had no fame until after his short life was ended and other now famous guitarists began crediting him with being innovative enough that they too learned from him.  He exchanged his soul it has been said to develop the kind of blues that others now add to their repertoire. Various paths have entities, deities that rule the crossroad…Hekate,Papa Legba are but a few that come to mind.  So why the crossroad?  Many of us at one time or another come to a divide..a crossing either in our physical lives or spiritually.  Physical can be as simple as deciding where to live, marry or not, children or no, change jobs, stay….Spiritual can almost have us awash in the ocean and all it can entail.  Crossroads mean we make changes and decisions we would not normally do..asking guidance for those we might not otherwise speak to directly..and yet…there comes time when we have reached a place in our walk that seems to have no fresh air to breathe , and we have searched through our usual bag of tricks and seem to come up short.  So we gather ourselves and make the journey that will bring definite change into our life.  It is there that changes abound, surprises are around the curve just ahead and yet that chaos that ensues is necessary for us to continue to grow.  Others make change sometimes for the sake of change, and that baffles me, because I usually have to be dragged kicking and screaming to make the change..and its not too different this time ~smiles~…I think the guides have done everything but smack me upside the head to accept the fact that I have become too complacent, too content where I am and that I stopped moving forward.  So…here’s to change, moving forward and a freshness to step and lightness of spirit…SLAINTE’

 

PEACE OUT

Remembered lessons

Yesterday I was just thinking things through, so went rummaging through my drawers in a little chest I have.  I opened first one, then another, smelling the oils and salts that I have stored there.  In the bottom drawer is where I keep my threads..Nothing major, embroidery skeins of various hues and colors.  I use the threads for various things.. like workings, making poppets.  So I was feeling restless, and when I reached for the threads, they seemed to just pull me in.  I stroked them, sorted them, then began to pull out some I wanted to work with.  A few friends like my dolls so I am making them one.  I chose threads that I feel they will like…feel comfortable with.  As I began to wind the thread around the small piece of wood I use for arms and legs, now worn smooth from its use, I found myself humming.  it took me a minute to realize the song that had been springing forth.  It is the same tune that Brin, my guide sings to me as she soothes my spirit.  I don’t know the words, let alone the language, but do know that it speaks to my soul as nothing else does.  I find myself smiling.  Yeah, this feels so right.  I find myself wondering what took me so long?  I’m not sure…maybe I thought I was too busy doing what has to be done.  But this was long overdue.  While I was working, humming, smiling, our resident princess came to investigate what I was up to.  She peered over my shoulder and says..”I want one Nana”.  I will make you one I assure her.  Hers will be pink of course because as a girly girl, that is her color.  I make arms, legs, heads…and find that I have need of some other materials, so today while Brae had her dentist appointment, she convinced her mom to go by the craft store and pick them up for me..After all, she gets her own poppet, right? I usually embroider the faces, or use pins for eyes, but today Brae has added her own twist..she got her mom to buy colored eyes, “because the dolls need to see”.  I’m loving it. So as I begin again , crafting, working…I am sharing with others that which is right in my walk.  And that makes me feel content indeed.

And the rain must fall

I’m sitting here listening to it rain for the second day in a row.  Tropical storm/depression causing all kinds of problems in the area …It’s that time of year.  But what about rain in our life?  I’ve often heard of “latter day” rain back when I sat in a different path.  It means blessings being rained out by the holy ghost upon god’s people.  It’s hard to think of rain as a blessing if one has seen it fall steadily and can’t feel like their life is experiencing growth, especially in the spiritual realm.  I’m little off center about a few things going on, maybe it’s just aftermath of what has been going on in the physical…not sure yet, but will definitely be seeking advice on why I have this “meh” feeling when I think of the spiritual aspect of my life.  It’s not that I think things aren’t going as they should be, it is. But it used to have this feel of excitement and anticipation, and I seem stuck on the sidelines with no outlet.  In truth, I haven’t done things as I used to do got too complacent.  no crafting of tools..the making of salts, poppets, candles…I had no desire to do so…not really sure I do now.  I did pull some things out last night and felt that tug of energy that made me smile, so maybe if I do a few things like that it can jump start the energy that makes me feel whole.  It kind of makes it hard being solitary with nobody to bounce this off of..I have control issues, so don’t talk about it with just anyone.  Maybe this is the  time to feel like the rain falling is needed..make me stop and appreciate those gifts I know I possess, see which ones I need to work on…yeah I’m looking in the mirror and taking stock..that is what one needs to do when it rains…accept those times as blessings and appreciate  the growth rain brings…NOT TO SELF: back to work slacker! lol…

Contravention

Invisible, here, not here

don’t speak here, say nothing there

Your knowledge is immaterial

and yet…some listen anyway.

Why? What difference doe it all make

anyway?

Who cares if what is known has truth?

what does it matter if  my spirit bleeds from keeping silent?

The guides say speak, others say teach

man says shut the fuck up..

What to do? Where to go?

How do I explain that I can’t…others aren’t willing…

Am I losing what I have?  Did I ever have anything?

Things seem to be shadowed by fear…

Who’s fear?  Mine? Others?  Are they one and the same?

My tears fall in frustration…I cry out to the guides

but they are silent….I’m out here alone I rail…

Silence………….

 

 

 

Train Wreck

A lot of conversation has been around lately about train wrecks…not the type that one would think of with twisted metal, mangled parts, but similar in fashion because it concerns mangled lives, depressed people, ..I know we all have our moments of down time, and its unavoidable at times as we travel the road of life.   But sometimes it is hard to climb out of the abyss without help. The ones that drive me mad are usually posted across social media for all to see..sort of like…”Look!  I’m depressed…come stroke my ego so I feel special”…Maybe that was not their intent..maybe they just needed to vent..and gods knows that I have been known to do that as well, especially about my job.  To my friends that I’ve whined to lately about manic man and other shit..my apologies for allowing myself to be pulled that low but thanks for listening…I’ve unfriended more people for their depressing status than I care to admit…it gets old reading it every day.  And its not just the social media, its the people in our every day lives. The ones who are so miserable in their existence that they try and make you feel as bad as they do.  “They” say misery loves company and I guess that is true to some degree, but I don’t think “they” are playing with a full deck to start with.  While I can certainly empathize with someone’s misfortunes, or personal angst, I will NOT lower myself into that hole with them.  I have no clue what makes those type of people tick–the ones who feel they have to let the world know every nuance about their miserable existence.  Maybe it’s me..I like to keep my life pretty close to the vest..I hate telling people things about me..and while there are friends who do know some details, it’s not something we speak of on a daily basis.    Maybe it’s a holdover from abusive childhood, maybe something I cultivated for protection..I don’t know.  So while I try and not take a “holier-than-thou” stance on this, it’s difficult when it’s always in my face.  It’s not really my place to tell people how they should live their life. If they are content with the being cast in the role of the down-trodden and bogged down in the mire of petulant caviling , then who am I to say they can’t.  So what to do with all those status that bother me?  Stop reading them for one,lol…or unfriend more of those that seem to have nothing better to do than to pull others into their drama…So while I kvetch about such train wrecks, and shamefully apologize for mine to friends…I’m just going to move on past them without even slowing down to roll down the window to rubberneck at the carnage laying by the wayside…It’s not pretty, nor does it add anything useful to my life which has enough issues thank you very much…

 

 

PEACE OUT

It’s not you, it’s me

Ever notice that no matter what you do, someone, somewhere will ALWAYS turn it into something about them?  I write my blogs, and while sometimes there may be a grain of truth about someone, I never name them nor do I put their “crimes’ on front street.  And yet ,sometimes, it is just observation about what I see around me..nothing more.. Yet,I still  get snarky comments from people who are sure that its always about them.  What is it that makes people  ASSume that it’s always about them?  I mean, I have had conversations about Dorothy with friends before and so to have someone think that was written about them was just silly actually.  Same with other things I write.  Just a lil FYI….I write to clear my head..some days dealing with someone who has early stage dementia and gets pretty manic can take a lot out of me..I lose my patience and need a release before someone gets hurt.  I need to put things down so that I can see it in black and white and find a solution in among the thorns…I need to be able to find a way to just smell the flowers and not let it become a personal attack on myself.  Sometimes I don’t even publish it..it goes into a private spot and stays there…it’s about getting it out so I can think clearly and rationally.  I highly recommend it for anyone who needs someone to talk to and thinks they don’t have that.  Very cathartic.  So if by chance you happen to see something in a blog and think it sounds like you that I am speaking about..take a few moments and ask yourself why.  What is it that you hide from others that make you feel that way?  Check the mirror because I have not pilfered through your closets..I am not interested in the skeletons you may have hidden.  I have a life, am trying to find the balance in it in every moment of it, and you just are not on the list to placate and hold your hand saying..”am so sorry if you are butt hurt”…Because in reality…It’s all about ME…my feelings, MT thoughts, MY desires, dreams….And if you cannot accept that..my advice is to not read it, because as I said..I don’t have the time for the childishness of it.

 

PEACE OUT

The blame game

I often find it amusing and interesting to sit back and watch people as they go about their daily lives.  It is a great teacher of life..how not to act, react, deal with drama, etc.  What often confuses me and aggravates me to no end is the “it’s not my fault” people.   You know the ones..they are the ones that if something happens in their life it is because someone else did or did not do something that caused it. I have no patience for that kind of mentality.  It is self-serving in that victim kind of way and is nonproductive in that one has no clear agenda on how to achieve one’s goals without blaming others for not reaching them.  I am so against that kind of “poor me” mentality.  To me it’s just a waste of time and energy..probably why I have a running argument with friends about Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz(ok, those who know me well can stop shaking your heads and turn away cause ya’ll know what’s coming,lol)..Anyway..back to Dorothy…she is the type of character that makes one want to slap with all her whining and poor me, I’m so persecuted shit.  I know it’s for entertainment purposes, but work with me here…  She refused to take responsibility for letting her little dog run amok in the neighbor’s chickens and bit the neighbor  as well..so she runs away rather than face the music.  When she finds herself in a strange place..she whines, and collects 3 insipid losers who want to hold her hand and make it all better rather than telling her to suck it up cupcake…it’s called life, deal with it!  Then she allows herself to receive stolen property and wonders why someone would be highly pissed at the thieving of their inheritance and what is rightfully theirs..all because someone has weird notion of good/evil.  I always want to slap the saccharine out of that bitch Glinda who is truly the evil one here..I  mean, first she steals the slippers off a dead witch then gives them away without thought to family members who are understandably upset, and then sends the simpleton Dorothy off on a journey to nowhere because in the end, she always had the power to go home…WTF?!?!  Now granted, the victim and her group of loser friends truly have a right to be pissed at the master manipulator, but they brought a lot of things on themselves by not thinking things through and in truth life is like that ….there are people who manipulate the situations to fit their whims then wonder why people get upset about it.  But it all boils down to us actually.  We can play the victim and react..badly, and I have been guilty of that..or we can shake our heads, and consider the source and move on…That is where I am now…I can’t change things, no matter how much I would like to sometimes…and I cannot make people be anything other than who or what they are…so I’m changing the rules to the game.  No more blame laid at the door of others…whatever happens, it’s all on me..and I kind of like that..because it makes me think about things, and how to act instead of react…. And that makes me quite content today.

 

PEACE OUT

Reclamation of Self

I’ve been a little snarky as of late..I don’t know if its a b y product of mercury coming out of retrograde or it’s just that I am tired of things as they have been.  Maybe it’s  a combination of both.  ~shrugs~…So this is new moon, and VOC, so perfect time to step inside and clean house metaphorically and physically.  I have been “sitting” for a time…and not sure I really know why except that I didn’t feel the need to work, didn’t have anyone that “needed” a kicking atm, so I did nothing..got lazy and complacent…til the web was plucked…What a wake up call!  So then I got busy revamping a few things, and decided to end a few things going on.  To one who did the unforgivable of turning back on family, no matter your “truth”, it’s over.  I am able to see past things and will tell you that those who gave you roots, wings to fly, no longer exist…they’ve all been changed.  You should probably check your mirror, it has a crack and the view has been skewed by one who has no clue what you’ve truly lost.  I stepped into the void and buried what was, what could have been and no longer is.  To one who asked if I send things to you…the answer is no…you call it to yourself.  the shiamat who destroys you in dreams is of your own making.  I will tell you why that is though.  Your whole life is made up of a web of lies.  One cannot even begin to untangle the end to find just one small glimmer of truth.  the lies are over simple things when the truth would be so much easier to take.  You began with good intent, you felt…then it grew like some huge mushroom overnight outside of your window, obscuring the view of truth.  You let it continue to grow and then it exploded covering all with its stench and matter that it will never be able to wash off completely.  This is what keeps you ill…it fills your life because you cannot bear to really look  into that mirror and accept your part of the betrayal of those who did you no harm.  If the truth cannot be stated, the door must close.   The one who feels that I am “savior” friend, teacher…I am none of those things..I am just me.  While  I may occasionally throw a life line, I cannot save you from the rapids if you insist on carrying all those stones in your pocket.  I will not step out into the water..to do so will harm me and I have just now found a safe place to be.  let go of the stones, and place your feet on the bottom..You can stand if you will try it.  otherwise, i am sorry to watch you drown.

I am blessed to have friends who help me out with encouragement , and humor when things are little difficult.  One amazing gift that the universe blessed me with teaches those who are considered “unteacheable”..the children that have problems due to drug use while their mothers carried them, abuse that has removed them from homes, children with legal issues from homes that care less what they did.  She does this with love and warmth…I kind of want to be her when I grow up,lol.  her positive outlook on life makes me smile just thinking about her.  And yet she has days when she does not recognize her worth..I remind her occasionally.  Another friend is learning that she is not the label the world has thrust upon her.  It’s an interesting transformation to watch.  She too makes me smile.  So, is this reclamation of self  for many of us a coincidence?  I don’t believe in them.  The universe has purpose and as such allows things to unfold for us in its due time.  And I think it’s been coming for some time, we just wouldn’t shut up and listen…so shaking off the negativity of what was, labels that did not describe us in the first place and damn sure don’t now, as we stand before the mirror, empowered and becoming whole. I’m kind of digging the new scenery actually, and those who still hold onto that old shit they kept throwing our way, it will not be a pretty sight when the mushroom finally explodes.  Just don’t expect me to stay and watch.

 

PEACE OUT

Excessive snarkiness ahead..You’ve been warned

I have been in freaking snark mood all day.  I got up that way..New moon energy?  maybe..I have a definite working to do later…the edginess will be helpful.  What bugs me today is all the aftermath of the hurricane.  Some people were crowing about how silly people were to evacuate(it wasnt..better safe than sorry if you don’t know what to expect)..A county in Central Va  is opening up their county fair on generator power FFS even though their schools and municipal buildings will still be closed tomorrow because of the water and damage to be cleared away.  yeah, that so totally made sense to me.  There was more for me to be snarky about… A friend asked a legitimate question on a group page and of course it always attracts the intellectually challenged who insists on being cute and answering in the fluffiest of manner…which draws the ire of those(like me)who took the time to answer honestly.  I detest that…THEN I manage to finally find a real difference in couple pages that I check out on hoodoo, voodoo…One seems to be a lightening rod for those who cannot practice..surely they don’t..because their questions as well as their postings are no better than the fluff that come onto the pagan pages.  I mean one asks the purpose of cemetery work, which from all I have read, been taught is a staple in workings that others use in their houses.  Yet another wants to know why one would DARE to bury something with their family plots..because it is sacrilegious…Oh really…I’m shaking my head.  I guess I should not be surprised because in truth the group page is to advertise the magazine and shop for the owner..was their intent..and I can respect that..And yet, it appears to be no moderation from people of substance to correct some of the backwards thinking. On the other page, this very subject was also broached and the owner was present and paid attention to the answers given.  A big difference and I came away feeling interested enough to go back and read more on other things.  My problem with the first group is that one who was most vocal, actually “teaches” online as well as holds workshops…cartomancy(tarot divination), etc…and yet seems to not have a grasp of what hoodoo encompasses even though her picture on profile shows her dressed as mambo.  I don’t know her credentials..do not even care to…she has shown herself to be ignorant of the path on which she claims to walk.  I’m always amazed at people who lay claim to labels and then proceed to open their mouths and remove all doubt as to their veracity.  Far too often like on any other path, people see a way to make a few dollars, and proceed to do so.   But to those who feel it is their responsibility to protect those in their houses from false teachings as well as those who come seeking from being led astray by fluff that can get one killed, it makes them angry.  And rightfully so. I know a little about several paths and their practices..some of those even intertwine because of some of the ingredients I use..but would NEVER presume to teach someone else about what is and is not acceptable practice according to that paths  practices.  I do however have a good bunch of knowledgeable people from whom to ask if  I do need to ask a question..Now that is almost enough to chase away the snarks…almost….For pity’s sake people..THINK before opening your mouths…give some respect to those who practice things daily..it isn’t just their spirituality..it’s a way of life  for many.  And FFS…do some damn research!  would it kill you to look things up sometimes? Damn..I might actually feel better,lol…

 

PEACE OUT

 

 

 

 

I am not here to hold your hand

Ok, I am more than a little  perturbed.    I am in and amongst several pagan pages all the time, and sometimes see people ask questions about certain things.  I have no problem answering questions if I happen to know anything on the subject, nor do I have problem with speaking on details of my path with those who don’t understand.  What I have problem with is those people who will not, for whatever reason, pick up a book, or read online anything about said subject before asking a question.  FFS even wikipedia could give them a general sense of understanding.  But no..they want someone to hold their hand and spoonfeed the info into their little world and do it all for them.  What part of YOUR path does not compute?  And then there are the asshats who take offense because you are not willing to just hand over your hard-won, pearls of wisdom with thought of what you had to go through to earn the wisdom you have gained.  I just don’t fucking think so.  I earned what I have dammit…my guides have gone to great lengths to make me aware of all that I have need of..it’s a daily learning process.  one that takes a lifetime, I might add.  So what gives others the right to expect me to just hand it over because someone asked?  For people to be inquiring about elementals, watch towers and such, they have no basic idea of what they are doing, so opening a few books other than fiction would be extremely helpful.  Otherwise they will sincerely get their ass kicked by things they wish they had not called to them.  For those who wish to toss semi-curses at people who are not” helpful

” i wish you both a safe travel through life. and also hope that when you need help and dont know where to turn that someone helps you without being a douche for lack of a better word.”

I sincerely hope that you protect yourself well…I have no desire to help fluff who will not help themselves nor do I take lightly asshats who sling words without knowing the repercussions….See?  i am not Wiccan, do not bide by any rede.. and my personal code of ethics say I leave them breathing..although am thinking that is evolving to something else~smiles~

So the next time people want to know something..ask away, but try and do so in a responsible manner because i am tired of the bullshit and the fluff..it’s just giving me cotton mouth and I might decide I need a drink after i take off your head.

 

PEACE OUT