rants – Amethyst's Offerings

Reverbs from the week of hell

You know..sometimes the events of the week can almost certainly have a resounding reverberation that carries on throughout the weekend.It feels like to me, that this is where I am at.

BONG! BONG! BONG! The reverb echoes in my head. The stupidity of the week has me wanting to yell at those acting ignorant. I have NO patience. From kids at work who when you speak to them look at you with a blank stare and say HUH? English Mother fucker! Do you speak it? The job is not hard..take a bundle, match it with other parts that carry the same number to the next job. It doesn’t require a master’s degree and yet it was a total mess affecting my work, my temper and my all around psyche. The problem with that is that it lingers as if its some damn virus one cannot shake. Everything pisses me off. Stupid memes that it seems everyone is sharing, saying. I want to yell..”I get it! It was cute the first couple of times..now get the fuck over it!”Then those posting stupid, inflammatory shit that are wrong, pointed out that its wrong and yet they toss down the gauntlet that they can say and do as they please. Yes they can..but does that mean they have to subject everyone to their ignorance? And don’t even get me started on those claiming to love god and be a good christian when everything about their life is a contradiction of that particular faith. They only play the god card when things around them start falling apart and their stress level goes beyond what they can handle. Now I have nothing against people using their faith to cope..it is intended to give up a foundation upon which to stand to keep balance in our lives. What I have a problem with are those who use it when its convenient for them to cry “god”. I have no patience for the paper bag religion…take out what you need when you feel its a good time to use it, instead of making a cohesive commitment to your faith.
All this has left me with a headache and short on patience with no fucks given to those I ditch or tell off. Not always the best thing when you have to work with some, live with some or just come into contact with them (avoid jail at all cost)…So what is a seriously pissed bitchy witch to do? I could get shit faced I guess, but that is only a temporary fix…the best for me is to step back, limit interaction with those I know will piss me off, cull the lists on social media, and find a place to mellow out to regroup for the coming week.

storm in a teacup

I’ve been to Greece. The clear blue of the Aegean brought home to me this was the home of the gods. The birthplace of the Olympics. You could feel their presence as if they still walked the streets.

Such is the feeling I get as I now sit by a long pool.I seem to be without my cloak which is odd because I carry it all the time, much like a security blanket of a child. But I sit now dressed in simple white toga style dress by the pool, letting my fingers drift and caress the warm water….waiting. I don’t have to wait long. Ke shows up in a blur of frenetic energy. Walking to and fro along the white marble of the pool , causing ripples to appear like a fast moving stream. All calm and stillness has evaporated.Still, I sit calmly, almost as if I have been turned into one of those Grecian statues. This infuriates Ke who continue the walking, upping the pace, speaking everything they have to say. And yet, I sit still. It is not my place to tell Kir what changes need to be made, not give permissions for what they seek. That would need the help of whatever gods they serve. Ke still channels energy, calling forth such that I am engulfed in the blue white heat and yet I am sitting as if inside a snowglobe. The heat does not reach me, its purpose it to provoke reaction. I look sadly at Ke. I cannot. I shake my head. Ke howls with despair. The energy grows and I am sitting in the middle of a tempest. Buffeted by winds of flame, I can hear the cries of “why” and “please”. Still I cannot. If I relent, this would be the end of many things. The energy is intense. Almost more than I can handle, and probably could not if the stone I wear hadn’t recently been opened. Higher and hotter it grows and I just sit there as if I am marble. Then I realize it has stopped and has grown quiet. I look up from where I had been doing an in depth study of my hands. I looked directly at Ke and they say “thank you” and in a flash are gone. Silent tears flow down my face, gathering in the pool . I didn’t help. I just sat thee..What good am I if I can’t help? The tears flow faster and I can feel where the flames have touched my body. I didnt notice it before because I was concentrating…on…wtf was I concentrating on? This whole thing has me feeling bereft, alone and pissed..yeah at a lot of things.
I awoke to the mundane sore, headache, teary eyed and feeling more than a little warm. The flames still stayed with me I guess. This will require some thought and speaking with others eventually. Until then, I will seek solace of the solitude of shadows.

The ignorance of privilege

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am privileged. I know this, accept it for what it is, because I cannot change it. And to pretend otherwise would be ignorant on my part, not to mention dishonest.

What makes me privileged? I am a decently well educated white woman. While there are limits based upon gender and others who are more educated than I,

I still have options open to me based upon gender, or color. I have seen others treated abominably just because of their race, sexual preference and even their preferred faith or lack of it. And while I can empathize and yell with righteous indignation, I cannot truly relate to how they feel because of my status of privilege.

And yet I see many who reach out in their ignorance and pretend to do just that. They play the “I’m not racist” card all the while sitting up on their pedestal feeling all superior and demanding a pat on the back for being so sincere in their offers of “help”. “Oh honey, let me give you a hand up because I never want you to feel like you are a second class citizen ever again”. Nice in its premise that one can change someone else’s emotions and their perspective of the situation, but in actuality its bullshit. How one sees the situation is their opinion and you cannot change the way they feel about it. It’s theirs to own. You also cannot change others who treat people with a lack of respect both in their actions and words. If one could do so, it would make living in this world a whole lot nicer to live in. To speak and act as if by waving your magic wand you could will it is just ignorant. So you have familial issues, have friends of color, have a sexuality that suits you…does any of that make you a spokesperson for all those oppressed? Not by a long shot. You still can walk away. Go back to your life that has afforded you privileges others cannot help but wish they could obtain.

And those who feel the need to say, well I may not agree with your choice of lifestyle, faith etc…just take a look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself. You too fall within the realm of that racism tag. It may be a passive aggressive form, but its still there. So you have a friend who is gay,straight,black, white,Hispanic,pagan,catholic,agnostic,christian. If you still make jokes at their expense out of earshot, you still have issues that need cleared up. You m’dear are a bigot. You cannot say or act one way to their face and then speak or act differently when they cannot see you. Know what a true test of character is? It’s how you speak, act even when nobody is paying attention. Giving even when not looking for an attaboy. So don’t think that the little sanctimonious speech you give someone trying to prove how different you are than the offenders changes what you truly are inside. You are nothing more than a pharisee who stands before god saying “see how good I am..much better than my neighbor”. Here today, I am calling bullshit. Check that mirror, accept your faults and work harder on making yourself into a better person. If we all work on our own limitations, then we won’t have time to worry about how different someone else is. It’s a small step, but I’ve heard it said that the journey begins with such a task. Imagine that..the true experience of life is in the small details.

Dealing with grief

Grief is grief even if its not over something tangible. We still have to go through the steps of letting go, setting aside what was in order to get to the what will become.

There are stages that one has to go through and I’ve listed them for those who may need to recognize them in the losses you may have had or are having in your life:

Shock and Denial: It’s often hard to believe that what just happened really did. Whether it’s an unexpected death, a job loss, loss of material possession or even violation of a sacred trust. We often want so badly to deny this actually occurred, that it’s hard to wrap our minds around it, that it causes a great deal of pain.

Pain and Guilt: After the shock wear off, we are hit with the pain. It is often manifested into a physical one, causing the stress to make us ache, we become ill,unable to focus. They physical emotional pain also cause problems and one can be tempted to dull that with an outside lubricant to coat it and make it more manageable with drugs or alcohol or even sleep.

Anger and Bargaining: After some of the pain wears down to a manageable force, we become angry. Angry at the situation, angry that others are walking around breathing when we are so bereft. Angry at even the person who left us. Angry even at ourselves. How could we have allowed ourselves to become so involved that we are left feeling like this? It can also resort to bargaining. Asking the universe, god whomever has the power to change things, to bring them back, to let you go with them…Not happening of course, but its a valid emotion in us frail humans.

Depression, reflection, loneliness: Just when you think life has come to an even keel…we begin reflecting. Thinking about our lives, how it feels with the loss, the emptiness that is there since there is now a void. Don’t try and set this part aside. Well-meaning people will tell you “suck it up” , and move on since life hasn’t stopped. The thing is..this type of reflection is good for us. It helps us evaluate where we are and how to move forward. In the aftermath of when the loss occurred, things are usually in a whirlwind of movement and we haven’t had a chance to latch on to what our feelings actually are or how to deal with them. You could become so grief stricken that you feel you cannot move forward, and center into a depressive state. That is when its time to find someone to help you..Nobody said you had to deal with grief alone. A trusted friend, family, even professional can be helpful. For myself..I write. It clears the storm from my head and heart and I can set it to private and later on when settled go back and see just how far I have come in my finding balance again.

Acceptance: There is a lot of reconstructive work to go through to get to this place. There is no time limit set. Everyone has their own time frame. Does it mean you will ever get over the loss? Nope..what it does mean is that you can learn to accept that the loss is there and find a way to live life again, with happiness, love and meaning.

We’ve all experienced loss of one kind or another. Those in the northeast have lost material things, family members, peace of mind. they will have to move through these steps as they rebuild their lives. It’s not an easy task, but can be done. For me, the loss of trust, is one that is the most difficult. Those who have held a sacred place within one’s inner core and callously violate it…that is a pain that is harder to deal with. Physical pains heal, materials can be replaced, people who leave us will be remembered..but trust is hard to rebuild. It too, has to work its way through the stages of grief and allow us to become whole. I sometimes have to remember that like any other part of my life, time and moving through the process allows for the healing. We all need that reminder from time to time.

Let it burn

Rage trigger alert for those who like myself have issues:

“Forgiveness is for the forgiver”. “You need to forgive those who harmed you”. (insert HUGE scream here)NO I FUCKING DON’T! First…I am not so quick to apply that christian aspect to others. That particular tenet does not apply to any path I may walk. I may allow someone to slide sometimes in their treatment of myself, but its never forgotten…just accredited to the debit column. It’s used as a way to keep checks and balance on those who call themselves “friends”, “family”…Too many debit marks, and I cut them loose. I don’t need the negativity. Secondly, the comment in question was in reference to past abuse in my life. Wait. I am supposed to forgive someone who never asked for it, never acknowledged that they were wrong or that their descent into madness was fueled by ignorance and psychotic urging of someone else? No matter that I was the one physically harmed, never mind the emotional trauma and baggage I still carry around from it? Show of hands…who out there believes this is a viable plan? ~Looks around~Yeah, I see a few..dismissing ya’ll with shake of my head atm.

Here is what I think I HAVE to do. I HAVE to find a way to live through it and come out of the other side with a quasi reasonable version of sanity. I have worked through a lot of it, but it rears its head sometimes when I see something of same caliber that hits me like a wall of bricks just leveled me. I still carry a lot of anger with me. It’s what carries me through life, especially when things get chaotic and I need that extra push to help me stand yelling for the universe to bring it cause I’m not dead yet. The sarcasm? Natural protection tactic that I’ve learned to use to my advantage. Sometimes I use it too well. I snark at most every thing.

Forgiveness? Not even a blip on the horizon. I have no need to add something to my life that is archaic, unneeded, unwanted and most of all insulting. It reduces me to something less than human, with all my emotions, thoughts and physical welfare minimized to a pile of shit. No respect at all for who I was going through the chaos and emerging on the other side of the glass a stronger person. I use what I have left within in order to be that person. So if that doesn’t jibe with your view of what a “real” person does. I can’t help it. I have to do what is best for me. Carry that anger, letting that fire within me burn and greet each day as a challenge to be conquered and enjoyed. Yeah, think I’m just gonna let it burn.

C’est la vie

We don’t need another hero

My apologies to the great Tina Turner, for swiping the title to her song. But it seemed to fit where my thoughts were going today.

We’ve all seen the Chicken Littles. Those people who after having been hit on the head by an acorn, run around searching for “someone”to come and save them from the falling sky. These are the people who step out into areas they have no idea of how it works and get into trouble then demand a lifeline. “Help me”! I hear over and over again, as do others, from people who will NOT listen to those more experienced who warn them to not go into the deep end. “But I can do this..I know what to expect…I can be like you. Hey we’ll make it a party and meet up in the Otherworlds..that will be cool right?” NO. They don’t listen. What happens? They end up doing what was told that they should not do and end up out there on the ledge barely clinging to sanity, seeking medical help from those who only know how to write for drugs because they refuse to believe that the Otherworld exists. Is there help for them? Yes. Apologize to those they pissed off across the divide, and close the door. Then work on regaining some balance into their lives, letting go of all the role playing they’ve been into and going out into the sunshine and experiencing some real connections with others. You’ll notice that I made no mention of anyone else doing this? That is because personal responsibility decrees that YOU brought this shit to your door..YOU dismiss it. It doesn’t belong to anyone else. And don’t get me started on those who work without once thinking of protecting themselves then wonder why they have company. Be careful what you ask for cause you may just get it…sort of.

What about those IRL(IN Real Life) who whine about everything in their lives from lack of finances, abusive people in their lives, yet stay in their situation without making a move to change it, or spending money frivolously then complaining the next minute how broke they are. For myself, it’s easy enough to say..if you are being treated less than you are worth, then move the hell on. Tell your fears to take a hike and use it as the impetus to make yourself stronger and become whole. If you can’t pay your bills, then set yourself a budget, writing down every dime you spend, doing without sodas, breakfast,lunch,dinner out, or going to fairs, entertainments like movies etc. When you can pay all your bills and breathe without feeling stressed at not having lights on or gas for your car to get to work, then and only then can you treat yourself. It’s common sense people. Nobody needs to show you the way “home”. I see all the ads for companies that want to help you get out of debt(for a price–always a string attached)…It’s like nobody has ever told these people using the services that you do not outspend what you do not have. Bills get paid first, kids needs come next. Why? because it’s called being an adult…personal responsibility. No matter what side of the divide we find ourselves on, it is our personal responsibility to make sure that what we do doesn’t come back to bite us in the ass, leaving us to whine and cry expecting someone to swim out and save us. We don’t need another hero people, we just need to grow the fuck up.

Grow up Peter Pan

Ok, show of hands, who has refused to become adult? Plenty of us I dare say, but there comes a time in life when we simply MUST step up to the plate and deal with things on an adult level.

I have problems with those people who refuse to either accept responsibility for their actions, or make excuses for those around them. You know the type that when they are stressed beyond belief and those who are involved in their lives, wont do jack to help alleviate some of that and the excuse is”well, they work hard”, or “I just didn’t want to bother them”.. Or those who claim a “close relationship” with family and yet cannot tell them they are on that last damn nerve. Why not? You rant, vent about it to others on social media all the time and yet you don’t want to stand up and voice that complaint to the person who could help? Why do you stay in child mode and not speak up as the professed “adult” you are? Makes no sense to me. I also take issue with those who are stuck in child mode. Ya’ll have seen them..the ones who purposely mispronounce words that as an adult they should damn well know or speak with a babyish sing song voice that nobody over the age of three uses.They have a tendency to repeat verbatim things other people spout off and yet do not even consider just how stupid it sounds coming out of their mouth. They refuse to admit it even and still carry a simplified child like view of the world. You know, just little FYI..life isn’t all black and white..there are shades of gray when one seeks to walk within reality and colors galore when you expand your view.
Believe me, there are days when this adult would readily join the six year old who lives with me and back the rest of the world the fuck off , but I think I might have been born into this lifetime old so the ancient journey still continues and I have things that require my attention, both in the mundane as well as Elsewhere. I don’t have time to whine and bitch(although I do sometimes to people who allow me to do so when that need arises). Mostly I vent via this blog and shake my head at all the children I seem to encounter lately. maybe I’m going to be older that I realized on my quickly approaching birthday? Or maybe it’s all those lessons I’ve been forced to listen to from those who guide my steps. I can’t honestly say for sure. what I do know is that I am getting damned tired of those who refuse to grow the hell up. so for those of you who cross my path and still want to pretend you are in Neverland…word of warning..i might be inclined to help you get there. 🙂

Are you for real?

So I’ve been in another form of social media today…Tumblr. It’s a cute little place, offering a view of those who comment, write little posts, post pictures , etc. I like it..most days.

So there is one blog that I’ve seen come across the feeds today. They have a metaphysical store online, do readings(saw them do some free ones on the site itself yesterday), and an interesting blog. Today, I read something interesting. The girl was telling of a spiritual encounter she had that had her concerned. First it was just a glimpse from the side that had her undecided if said entity is there or not. So after she gets offline, yet leaving her computer on for light since she is a little stressed that there may be an entity there, she goes to bed. She sees the spirit by the door..her only exit out, so then proceeds to freak the hell out. She then pulls the covers over head and says she can feel bumps, and like the entity is standing on her bed. Today she has migraine from lack of sleep she says and will not read or mess with the magical in any way since she is freaked out. I asked (anonymously)if perhaps she had opened a portal(logical thought process). Her reply? There were several witches in the house and they are all careful when working within the house. Wait…Back this magical tour up. You “read” tarot, do spellwork, sell the metaphysical and sound knowledgeable enough when speaking with others online, and one new entity freaks you out? There are multiple witches working within one home and ALL protect and shield before they do so? There are regular spirits whom dwell within the home and you as witch of the abode(although not head ) do not demand to know who they are and what the hell they want? that is about as fucked up as a soup sandwich, so I’m throwing down the bullshit gauntlet. As I explained to a friend who says that they speak and act like others online..that they portray themselves as having knowledge. They offer said knowledge to others..for a price via their store. They read for free on tumblr..I can’t fault them for that because sometimes its a great way to hone skills..reading for unknown people..but the caveat emptor applies to those readings..buyer beware..you get what you pay for sometimes. It brings to mind the scene in the Wizard of Oz as toto pulls back the curtain to expose the wizard as nothing more than a mere mortal of a man who sold snake oil back in the mundane.
I am not an expert by any means, but as one who walks with a foot in both worlds, I do expect those who claim to have experience to act that way. To not whine about how scared they are about encounters with a new spirit. So to the one I mentioned, here it is simply:You left a light on, probably when you opened to read, and did not turn it off. That you were the only one to see this new spirit or feel the presence means you called it. Own that and take care of it. The other house regulars will not be pleased if the situation is not resolved. And ffs…get some education! You have some interesting energy…now learn something to go with it. It makes you look like the myriad of people online who talk a good game and are full of shit. And we’ve had all the fluff anyone can stand.

DEUCES

What are you growing in your garden?

I read…a lot. Either here online or actual books. It’s always been a way of escape for me, stretching the boundaries of my mind, entertaining me, educating me. Sometimes though, the things I read or see just floor me. They fill me with a sense of confusion. What are we doing? Just what type of humanity are we cultivating? As a gardener of sorts, and having watched masters growing up of grandparents who paid attention to the land and their crops, I make sure what I put in my little plot of earth actually will thrive and make the area a better place. So it is in our personal lives.
I’ve watched the news where yet another shooting has taken place..this time at a Sikh temple, killing 6 and the shooter being taken out by a police officer. 7 people losing their lives because of hatred and ignorance. Sikh’s are often associated with Islam because of the dress, but they have different view points. The reasoning for this tragedy hasnt shown itself yet, but will as the dust clears. So. much.ignorance.

There was also a news story I’ve read, and also watched on the local news of a predominately white church that a black couple attended would not allow them to be married there. Wait. what? You won’t allow two people who attend the church(but are not members) to be married there even though the preacher you paid agreed to it because of their race? Do you not realize what year this is? Do you not realize what this does to the faith you profess? Even after they were married at another church down the road(the south is littered with churches at ever street corner) by the pastor of the first church, the pain and humiliation caused by those who claim to be of a faith of love will be hard to erase. It’s been said that as a white woman I would not possibly understand..perhaps not..but I sure know stupid when I see it. I can see how human beings are denigrated and reduced to less than human. I have eyes to see the fear, rage, pain, sorrow on the faces and in the hearts of those forced to undergo such ignorance. I also read energies and can feel that pain. So while I may not have endured that particular point of stupidity, do not insult me by telling me I don’t understand. There may be injustices in MY world you wont comprehend on anything more than an intellectual level either, but I wont discount your right to feel empathy for another human being and reach out with a hand of kindness.

The more I look around me at the hatred spewed by those who profess love and faith, it always amazes me that its the exact opposite that comes across. It isn’t the majority but the select, prolifically vocal who tilt the view askew, making it seem like one is looking through a kaleidoscope and nothing seems as it should be. Do they not read their own book? In Isaiah 61:3 it tells them to become as the tree of righteousness in order to glorify god. To be righteous, would be to follow the edicts of their faith, that includes the main commandment to love their fellow man as themselves in order to reflect the love of god. Seems more than a little contrary to some of the messages I have been hearing as well as seeing around me. I know that many in the pagan world do not follow any such rules, but how about if one is claiming to be a connection of universal energy…could you not make a case of treating your fellow humans with respect . That means if they choose to not live as you do, believe as you do or even look like you, you treat them as you wish to be treated. Even if one doesnt follow a christian path, that one commandment transcends any faith..We are ONE race..HUMAN. and as such should make a directed effort to act accordingly. If your mama didn’t teach you any manners, try cultivating some. You don’t like your neighbors skin tone, either accept that they are different or move the hell out of that particular place. But dont expect others to respect you if you arent willing to reciprocate. Life is short. Try experiencing it without judgments, racism or ignorance. You might actually find it more peaceful.

You aren’t one of “us” so fuck you

Sometimes it boggles my mind when the “my way is better, so I’m right ” brigade starts in others. There is a court case that many are watching closely in which a Wiccan chaplain is petitioning to be able to minister in prisons for those who have need of his service. At the moment only secular faiths are recognized and many don’t feel that he has a right because after all, Wicca is not recognized by people outside the pagan world. It’s called evil, satanic, ungodly…out of ignorance because they do not understand it. And as for those considered under the pagan umbrella, well forget it because most don’t even qualify as a religion if we are going to compare them to Abrahamic faiths. My problem is when those in pagan circles want to tell those who walk outside a group setting that because they aren’t religious, then they do not qualify for protection under the first amendment. I respectfully disagree. That amendment states that no law shall be enacted in the establishment of a religion(which in this political climate is coming closer to being broken EVERY. DAY.). It also says that none can be impeded from the free exercise of religion. It is when the definition of religion comes into play.

re·li·gion

[ri-lij-uhn]

noun

a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creationof a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing amoral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.

the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.

the life or state of a monk, nun, etc.: to enter religion.

the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.

If we go by the 1st definition or perhaps the 5th one..then ALL who practice ANY form of spirituality are religious in the sense that we have a belief and as such are protected under the law.

If by chance , we go by the 2nd, then by others definitions we are all witchfucked. Not only do we have to try to fight with those outside pagan circles, we often have to defend ourselves from those who walk a structured path, are involved within circles and see those of us who walk solitary paths or a path that to them holds no structure(according to them) as inferior.
Many of us having had secular faiths shoved down our throats dislike the term “religion”, not because we aren’t, but because we like to think of ourselves more as spiritual in the connection to universe and how we practice. How often do we run across those who sit pews then spew hate to those who are not the same as them? There are more than enough examples, so I will spare you the listings, but the climate of our country has seen more than enough attacks on those who walk contrary to those in power to be alarmed. I can agree that all of us need to speak up. To let those we’ve elected that we no longer will sit idly by and let them usurp all the rights granted us by our founding fathers(who were NOT all christian btw..many were theists and in the preamble says that all men are created equal endowed by their Creator with certain inalienably rights). You see what they did there? They said “their Creator”…not a faceless god of one specific faith, but how people choose to see a higher power(or not). Many who choose to not label their path a religion usually have deity involved somewhere in their path. That is their right. And it is protected. So why quibble over which definition one follows? Its a personal spiritual journey and we all need to stand up as an individual and demand that all people be treated equally …even if you don’t agree.