There’s been a little discussion of late as to what makes one southern. I know, we’ve been down this road before, but some people don’t seem to grasp that concept. Here is my opinion and those passed down to me by those who would know. It’s all about your roots. Now as a military brat being born on an Army base in Oklahoma, a sister in California and my brother being the only one actually born in the south(Tennessee), one might say that I myself am not southern. BUT, both my parents are born and raised in the south with all its values, history and familial roots, and they in turn passed that on to us. Also whenever my dad was gone for extended periods of times, like to Korea, Viet Nam, Germany, my mother moved us back to Mississippi to live near her parents, and the rest of our extended family consisting of many aunts, uncles, and cousins. Here we rode bikes on dirt roads, played war in the red clay gullies, tossing dirt clods as grenades, swung on the front porch swing sipping ice cold tea or lemonade, tending the garden and savoring that homemade bounty of hard work. I remember lying under my Gran’s old willow tree in the front yard with my cousin and comparing our lives. His with friends he had known since grade school, and mine of living all over the world, each wishing we could have a taste of the other’s world if but for a time. We sat on the back of my pa-pa’s flatbed Studebaker truck and ate watermelon we had helped gather from the truck patch(for ya’ll city folk, that is a huge field full of crops mostly for sale with some left over for the family), talking about going to “First Monday” for the sale and hopefully catch up on family gossip. We often looked forward to that as we got to see family that we normally wasn’t in our immediate circle and explore the other vendors wares. This time seemed idyllic for me, as it taught me connection of family, history and the roots that have carried me throughout my life no matter where I have roamed. These are the people who helped shape me and give me insight as to who I am and would become. I don’t think one can gain that anywhere else. Being southern is more than just being born in the south. One has to embrace and be immersed in the culture and history. The war between the states is still a touchy subject for many(just FYI…it was really about economics..slaves just happened to be ONE of the commodities)…States above the Mason Dixon are often spoken about with a “bless their hearts”, and those such as Maryland and Virginia although under the line are referred to as “yankees” because they fought against “us”. Texas considers itself southern and some did fight with rebels, but it was too far west to be really considered, and Florida wasn’t even in the picture so we dismiss it as well. There have been dark moments for the south , but I believe we’ve learned and are learning from them and are working to become better people. Manners are important down this way. We’re not big on braggarts, even if they believe in what they know. Why show someone else up? It’s just unseemly. One does NOT have to know something about EVERYTHING. And truthfully, we kind of look at you a little hard when you post/speak on everyfuckingthing. It’s considered polite in most circles to introduce yourself to someone before jumping right in their face. I have control issues, so to me this is extremely rude..can also be hazardous to your health as well. Yeah, these southern days of hot humid days, sweltering nights, remind me of simpler times, and they bring back good memories. some that make me shake my head, others make me smile, but they have taught me well of who I am and what I will not accept in my world. It’s all in the roots.
Mired in the bog of ignorance
Ever notice how some people seem to be so full of themselves that it seems as if they are stuck in a bog of ignorance. It matters not that others correct them, offer better insight into the conversation, but because they are so stuck on themselves, they will not listen. So with their air of supposed superiority, they waltz around spouting all sorts of drivel. It doesn’t matter what the conversation is about, they have an opinion and its right dammit. Just ask them. Now many of us as we start out on our path’s journeys, are more than a little green. We like the shinies, all the trappings, and hoopla, but eventually we either get shown truth by our guides, find a nugget in a tome somewhere or someone smacks us upside the head and tells us to wake up and taste the rum! So we move past where we first placed our foot on the path and move forward, tweaking, and learning until our path represents who we are. That is called a learning process, one forged through hard work, much soul searching and conversations with those who would guide us. And still as we look back, we see those who refuse to move past where they began. Content on standing knee deep, mired in a bog of shit that serves noone, least of all them. One has to wonder why they stand there. Is it because they are afraid to admit to themselves that what they think they know is totes carp and they might have been wrong on more than one front? Is it because they are so caught up in that love and light/healing shit tossed by every witch come lately that they refuse to admit to the need for balance in the universe? Is it because they refuse to admit that taking a good look in the mirror and accepting who they are is more than a little required for becoming who they are destined to be?
To be honest those type of people that are mired down more than a little frustrate me. Maybe its the shit they toss out about energy and healing . Pulling energy from the air is all well and good, but what do you do with the excess and how are you manipulating it? Just how do they plan on healing the world? Whatever you put out has to be in balance, so if you are removing negative, where are you putting it? It always boggles my mind at the narrow thinking of some of these people. I could rant til I was blue in the face, but it makes no difference. They are content to hang where they are. Standing in that mucked river bed, mired in their own arrogance and ignorance. Unfortunately they cannot see behind them as the waves are starting to form anew and make their way down the bed itself. Hope they can swim stuck on the bottom…Ya’ll reckon they can suck air through a reed on the bank?
Restoration of spirit
It’s been long week…and it seems to have merged with this one like one long continuous mess of chaos and bullshit. So I go where I always turn when I’m over the stress limit.
I move to the porch of the cabin and inhale the air around me. There is a peace that already seeps into my being. Sanctuary. I enter and as I do, the massive dog lifts his head and gives a soft woof in greeting before laying his head down. I swear dog you seem to always be in that same spot I laughingly tell him. “It is his resting place when not hunting”, Maman tells me with a smile on her face. The smell of herbs swirl around me filling my nose with their aromatic perfume. I inhale deeply. “It’s been too long Cher,”Maman tells me. I agree and sit down in the rocker that is my accustomed seat when I am here. She moves to place the kettle on the fire, and adds more herbs to the cauldron there. “I love being here, and miss it when I’m gone”, I tell her. she smiles and tells me that I need to come more often. She then looks me over carefully. “You are too pale and way too much stress level. Not enough grounding and too much worry”, she tells me. “laziness on my part about the grounding”, I tell her, and “I can’t always help the worrying”. “What does it change?”, she asks. Nothing I admit. “So, tell me, what worries you and dont leave anything out”. So I begin at the beginning with the move, manic man’s back and forth of confusion and anger…job stresses, life in general. “You’ve left something out”, she tells me. I look up confused for a moment then see the look in her eye. I sigh heavily and lean my head back in the chair closing my eyes. She hands me a cup of coffee, and I take a sip biding my time..stalling…it fills my mouth with the wonder of chicory, chocolate and rum. “Maman”, I begin. “What I do is not easy, and sometimes I just want to chuck it into the swamp somewhere and pretend it never existed”. “But you don’t”, she says. “Non”, I reply quietly. “Why is that?” she asks although I know she knows the answer. “It feels like it would deny who I am and what exists, has always existed in me”, I tell her. She nods. “So tell me about this week”, she shifts gears. I blink and think…this week has just started but it feels like a melding of last which was a bitch. I smile . “well”, I begin, “I’ve been followed to hell by ravens, cavorting over the carrion of road kill , watching me as I travel from start to finish”. “A red tailed hawk soars each morning in front of my car as if to lead the way”. “I sewed my finger..blood sacrifice of sorts ” I chuckle, “and now Im here”. She laughs. “Cher, your details are a little shaky, but it’s sans importance”. “So why the ravens”, she asks slyly. I roll my eyes. “I know why the ravens as do you, and I know why the hawk that flies in front of me as if he guides my steps”. I smile. “Old woman, you are wicked”, I tell her with a laugh. Maman cackles. “You are too serious sometimes ,Cher. I wanted you to smile”. I smile and shake my head and realize that my cup is empty. I hold it out for a refill, and Maman obliges. I sit and sip the coffee and she pulls her special oil out and moves behind me to massage my temple. “Take your times with things as they unfold, cher. You don’t have to know the answers all at once nor act on them”. I sigh deeply and allow Maman work out the kinks that have knotted my mind and spirit. Dreams that have bothered me because they dont seem to fit, mundane life…they all seem to slide away with her capable hands. I close my eyes and feel myself drifting into sleep. Maman removes the cup from my hands and as I slide deeper, I hear the song that has always filled my soul. Brin sings to me and this time its done in words that I know, not the dragon speak that teases my memory, but french , which amuses me. She doesnt usually do this, but this time its as if I am to remember the words, to keep them within my heart to pull out when I am stressed by what the mundane hits me with. Odd that its often this plane that usually causes me more issues..the spiritual, not so much. I smile and the words comfort me as no others could. I will remember them, but for now, I will sleep…deeply and soundly to restore my spirit. Sanctuary…the perfect place to restore what is often jarred and shaken loose.
tempête parfaite
Just some catching up
It’s been a weird, loooong week for me…work issues, car trouble, just long week. It’s caused me to be somewhat little more snarky(yeah like ya’ll thought that was even possible) and less willing to give others benefit of the doubt on their comments.
For instance, in a group that I belong to there are just a couple that this past couple days has more than gotten under my skin. Ok, I have freely admitted that I am less patient than the norm, but seriously to have one go through and like every post that myself and others have made is more than a little creepy and a whole lot of stalker fodder. I don’t know them personally, have no idea who they are, nor do I care to add them to any list I currently have in play. It’s like they are trying too hard to fit in , in a wyrd sort of way and that won’t happen over night nor will it happen any time soon. I and others have a limited set and often don’t play well with others. Hell we sometimes even step on each other inadvertently,but we always work to fix that since we care for and respect one another to let that stand. So I think they need to sit back, watch how things progress and get to know all the parties involved before stepping in it any more than they have already. The other? Oh, well she is one of those love and light, heal the world kind of people. You know..the ones who make me gag at their simplistic view of the world. I have a dear friend who is often a Pollyanna, but she knows full well the way things are in the real world. she just chooses to not let it affect her or how she does her job. The one from the group expects us all to toe the line of respect(which is a good thing), and harm none(which is totes bullshit). She took offense at how some questions were directed at someone else…none of her business really and the questions were not abusive, but direct and brutally honest in their demand for serious answers. Now, as someone who speaks truth quite often without tying it up in pretty wrappings and bows and giving others a spoon full of sugar to wash it down, I can appreciate that not all find it so appealing to have it put in that manner. But the truth needed to be spoken, and the real issues at hand be brought into the forefront so that all knew what was involved and could respond accordingly. So why all the whining about how “bad” it was that the OP was treated? Because as this self proclaimed “Queen of Bees” stated, people need to love one another and respect other’s opinions. Nice. But the OP didn’t voice an opinion. she was conducting her own informal survey about what pagans think to get a general idea on what to use in her online spiritual(for lack of a better word) shop. I really had to laugh at the queen of bees label because in nature..she is responsible for the hive and yet if she fails to help it thrive, the workers in the colony dispense with her services and they all select another. So she better be damn good at what she does. If, as I believe, she was making a play on words using the “queen of B”as bitches then I’d have to say that again she was mistaken because in that group alone ,I know several who can give her a damn good run for her money and make her look like she belongs in kindergarten. We aren’t much for labels in there anyway. We all recognize who and what we are. Mutual respect is given as it is earned. Do I respect that as a human being, you have a right to live and believe as you will? Absolutely. Do I HAVE to give you respect because you chose to come into a group and spout what you believe even if there was nothing valid to back it up? Nope. Not a snowball’s chance in hell that will happen. We belive in source, information that gives us all better understanding of the topic at hand. But many of us also walk a path that is full of UPG(unverifiable personal gnosis). We state that up front when we speak of our personal experiences, so as not to muddy the waters of the topic at hand. So this self proclaimed “healer, etc” speaks up and decides to play David to the supposed Goliaths in the room as if her tiny stones will steer the conversation toward the love and light shore. Yeah, not gonna happen there because most of us live in the real world of balance and all that saccharine just gives us cavities.
So then I come to the last example of the lack of patience directed at people. Those who make excuses for EVERY.DAMN.THING. If there is an event that they might not want to go, or after saying they will, they think up several reasons why they cannot go…excuse. Or if someone needs help, and they offered it, then decided that to go play elsewhere was a better idea….excuse. The problem is that they cannot see that they do this quite often. . for the way people act, the reason something did not go according to plan, just little shit but it creates a pattern. One, that if they were to look in the mirror, would be as obvious as it is to those around them. So I shake my head, and walk away because to respond would definitely cause problems that I don’t care to shoulder, but will definitely limit my interaction with some of these people in the future.
So bright spot to this week? There have been small ones. My sister offering her help with car issues even though she has been seriously ill as of late. My daughter coming to the rescue even though she has job to go to as well. The princess who gives her love and laughter even when I have reached a stress limit that was way too much at times. Good thing I have meds to help somewhat and friends who let me be as snarky as I liked and helped me laugh when I needed it. Trip to the swamp to just revel in the TLC given there..but then, that’s another post I guess :). So, with drink in hand, I salute an end to this week, and look with promise to next because I am definitely through with the chaos ..on to rebuilding.
à votre santé
Reflex and habit mar the day
Triggers. We all have them, and damn if they don’t rear their ugly little heads in the most inopportune time. Sometimes they show up due to conversations, something someone says in passing or even in situations that are similar to a past one. We all have our own baggage.
So how do we know how to deal with the triggers that sometimes trip us up? Some people pretend they don’t exist..tend to bury them and their heads in the sand so to speak, it can cause issues both in the present as well as in the future. Others act out as if it gives them an excuse to behave like an asshat. Some, like myself, tend to remove themselves from the situation, the conversation and go have my come apart privately. It’s a form of protection because I refuse to discuss it(usually) to acknowledge that its still a painful scar that hasn’t totally healed. It can be maddening to my friends who may feel as if they contributed, but in truth..this is all me.
My apologies to those who celebrate, enjoy and appreciate the women in their lives. I just can’t get behind it. I still have some work to do on letting go of abusive issues from the past, so find myself being a little more snarky than usual in all the sweetness of the day. Past issues hold me, I’m currently still in an unsettled frame of mind, so the trigger had easy access. I said something that others looked a little askance at me, wondered why I didnt just walk off…Truthfully, if it hadnt been personal trigger, I might have said the same to others. So I chose to take that advice. I’ll be fine tomorrow. I place limits on myself…I refuse to allow myself to wallow..that pisses me off more than anything. Today I will open the wound, allow the putrid decay that lies under the scab to ooze and remove it with a lot of tears, pain and finally allow it begin to heal yet once more. It gets a little better each time…but its still not a fun or pretty process. And that’s why I do it alone. I’ve considered therapy , but with these control issues, I have a problem allowing others to know those private demons. It’s a work in progress, so bear with me today. It’s time I isolate myself to start that healing process over again. Maybe I won’t have to do this too many more times.
Education tops group hugs
It’s interesting what I come across when I least expect it. I’m just dropped these gifts into my lap, sometimes for the chuckle, and sometimes to stop and take a good look at what people are actually saying or thinking these days. Such was the conversation of this morning.
A woman not on my friend list anymore(can’t remember if she removed herself or I did in my culling, but no matter),asked a damned good question today.
Her question: if you are of an intuitive nature and knew that someone was attacking you, affecting your ability to support yourself which is proven by events, but because you are intuitive you know that it is due to mental health issues, would you attack back? would you just put up protection? or would you let it go because they are not acting in sound mind? would really like to know what my sisters and brothers think on this one.
She got several responses.
I believe in defense only…..if done right harm is reflected back on the aggressor
I just don’t sense that kind of energy in you; your own beautiful strength, power – and most of all love – will be more than enough protection. Stay in your heart center, trust the Goddess and your own instincts. One time, and one time only….. I acted foolishly and attacked back. Oh, how I regret this.
Protect, block, pray for them to stop. people who do these things to you need prayer and healing to stop, not only protects/helps you, but their other targets.
you are a wise woman. How true! The more we can heal these kinds of people as they cross our paths, the more we clear things for the collective.
however, when one is feeling persecuted or attacked, it’s harder to realize, especially if it’s affecting loved ones as well. This is something I carry with me from Catholic grade school… The nuns taught us that those who feel inferior will point out flaws in others in order to draw attention from themselves to others as a self protection… the root of bullying is either that or realiation for feeling jealous of another that is causing them to feel hurt, either way, prayer for them, that their guardian angel will heal their heart and guide them to treat others bettter is the best defense because it impedes their destructive behavior to everyone, including themselves… Peace, love, light, protection to you, <redacted>, and guidance of the divine to your attacker, so that they may feel the love and peace that they need, in order to stop doing harm to others! (goes on to call for group prayer/intent, and adds a rider to divert intent to one of her problems as well.)
This seriously made me spit my coffee across the keyboard as I read it…totes waste of nectar of the gods. But it also started a conversation between myself and my friend about the fluffy world these people live in as well as what would actually be some REAL advice for the OP. So I decided to provide that answer here in my personal space as to how I feel about it personally.
Dear OP,
My personal opinion is that one must ALWAYS protect yourself from those who would send the negative to your doorstep. But there are levels of that protection. And there are other things to consider as well. Is this family? The reality is that there will always be conflict in a familial setting, and it will always have spill over. Is it time to walk away or simply accept that it is what it is and find a simple way of dealing with the issues. Are the offenders really having mental issues or claiming to do so? Is this a habitual thing with them or just a once in a while thing? All these issues need to be addressed before deciding upon a course of action.
Now, on to the protection steps. Simple protection can be shields you erect yourself , simple workings that deny them access to you. Understand that the word simple doesn’t imply that just anyone can construct these types, its just that they require less work(imho).
The next type of protection can be a thurasiz type of working. It has a bit of a pricking by the thorns placed that keep others out, and yet do not necessarily cause them a great deal of harm. Sort of a “trespassers can and will be shot” sort of thing. The last part of protection is more aggressive and requires knowledge by those who have no problems with stepping across boundaries or on others to achieve it. It is an all out “I AM SO KICKING YOUR FUCKING ASS” kind of thing, and is not for the faint of heart. I reserve this for those habitual offenders who have nothing better to do than stick their noses into my affairs. ;).
So you see dear OP, there should be quite a bit of thought given to this issue. It has many issues that need answered first before you begin.
Deuces
So…why did none of those “love and lighters” give her any such advice? Why all the fluff about “love” and group hugs and the absolute adage that “aggressive” magic not be employed? I call bullshit! BULLSHIT! All of you that “answered” are so full of it, I’m absolutely positive that you have never wrought any sort of protection working that has worked even if your very life depended upon it!!! Instead you keep repeating verbatim what every fluff I have ever had the misfortune to come across says. Peace, love and light. Those are all admirable qualities, but they do not apply to all situations. And for the “no aggressive magic(k)” be used…wtf… Even if you blew on a dandelion to make a wish, you just blew that weed to hell. Seriously. If at any time you use any kind of working to keep people from harming you or just kicking their ass..you have been “aggressive”. I prefer to think of it as more pro active in my practice, but to the fluff, they think its all white light and rainbows. Seriously. Start looking in the mirror and be honest with yourself. If someone broke into your home either to take things that belong to you or to harm you or your family, you would damned well protect yourself! So why all the bullshit with your use of magic? Maybe if enough of ya’ll start being a little more honest, we MIGHT just cut down on the ignorance and fluff. Just a thought.
Walking in the shadows
Today I am perusing the stalker feed. I wonder why I put myself through it because truthfully I will invariably see something that either makes me shake my head or my jaw drop with a what the fuck look.
It’s crazy sometimes what is put out there for sale for all those white lighters who want to put forth all that “we walk in the light only and not in shadow because its evil” bullshit. Seriously..do ya’ll even listen to yourself? Do you hear how stupid that sounds? If you are anyway connected to nature on your path ,and most make that claim,then you will understand that there is balance of light and shadow , of duality. There is no ‘good” and “evil” in this make up. It simply “IS”. Humans are the ones who place the labels there and construe them to suit their own personal values. So why the need to sell all this “white magick” (yeah with the ever pretentious K)shit? I don’t understand it really.
I was whining about why do I look at such stuff?. A friend made a profound comment(it resonated with me). She said ” To remind you why you walk in the shadows and let the popularity chasers walk in the spotlight.” Maybe that makes me sound elitist or judgmental and in some ways I guess it is, but in truth, what I do, how I work needs no atta-boys or accolades from others. I do as I have always done, and if that helps others, then so be it. I prefer the shadows where there is comfort and time to breath as opposed to being out in the bright spotlight that a lot of people seem to seek. and I don’t have anything against their works for sale..what I take issue with is this need to place a label on it for the new and fluff to gobble up as if at some sort of damn smorgasbord, gathering up all the chotzkes , all the shineys and of course candles galore in every color and nuance …it all invariably gets labelled for “white magic(k)”, and to me that shows the ignorance behind what is offered. Even if someone had enough sense to buy this and use it in a wise way, the stupidity with how its presented will turn those with more than a semblance of education to turn away. but maybe its not to those who do so that you wish to line your pockets with huh? You intend to sell to the fluff, those who think they need to buy any and all that you have to offer without even knowing the significance of the items. Yeah, well, I think I will stick to my shadows and fend for myself, thanks just the same. I am allergic to bullshit and stupidity, no matter the direction it comes.
Among the missing…and yet not
I don’t remember the first time I saw it. It just seemed to have always been around. I picked up the carton, and turned it around to look once again at the picture there. Black and white, grainy..not my best obviously, wonder why they didnt use a better picture? Still it’s myself looking back at me. How long has it been I wondered. I have lost track of time since I fell off the grid. Maybe they recycle these photos I think…Surely they can’t still be looking for me after all this time. I can barely remember what it was like to be locked in with the mundane world with all its putrid vile energy coming at me from all sides. The side stepping of those who think its all fun and games to keep trying to peer over boundary fences grows tiring all the time, so I had no choice really but to remove myself and walk into the world of the missing, hiding in plain sight. In the beginning, it was a little more difficult, with people wandering around carrying their photos of me going around and asking others “Have you seen this here witch? I’ve looked all over tarnation for her”. Always receiving a negative answer. They sigh in exasperation and move on to ask again and again. It’s relatively easy enough to place that answer into someone’s consciousness and sit back in the shadows to watch the show. Disguises are relatively simple as well, but they hardly seem necessary now. Being among the missing has been freeing actually. Less expectations are placed upon you by others, such as those who feel they have the right to ask, no..demand that you “help” right their world. It gives one the space to breathe and reconnect to a place that seems to have lost its balance. How long will I continue to sit and watch? Well, I can’t rightly say…yet. It could be just a short spell, or it could be a longer piece. Either way its amusing to me to watch the scurrying of vermin seeking those they think might help them find the missing witch.
Hey! Ya’ll seen a witch come this way? N O………
Answers? maybe, maybe not
WHAT!?!?!?!?! I yelled out at the nothingness I found myself in. I could see stars, smell ocean salt, feel the sand beneath me, but as far as seeing anything tangible other than vague shapes..nothing. “The word should be where”, said a familiar voice. “I could give fuck all about where in the hell this is”, I retorted. I heard a chuckle, then as a match was struck, the scent of sulfur and cigar filled my nose. “You amuse me, cher, you really do”, he said. “You have no idea where you are exactly, but you use your indignation and sarcastic wit as weapons”. “Yeah well, they came with this model”, I shrugged. “And besides, I am getting more than a little pissed at manipulations of some with myself and others.”. “We are not fucking marionettes that you can pull the strings”. “I pull no strings, cher”, he said. “I offer choices and people make their own decisions as do you”. “I find it more than a little ironic that you choose to offer them when people are at a low point or seeking “, I told him. “So you feel I may have ulterior motives”, he asked…”amusing”. “I’m, pleased at being able to offer you entertainment tonight..and to answer your other query, fuck yeah! You and every other always has something up your sleeve and require payment of some sort.”He sighed. “I am wounded my petit. I thought we had passed this point in our relationship”. “I am a little out of sorts at the moment”, I tell him. “Things are unsettled, with no contact with others, no access to things that keep me balanced, and here you are waltzing in offering to remove things and people from my life without even giving a heads up to me or others. Just what kind of relationship is that anyway? Not one of respect I would imagine”. I was beyond caring what he thought, or the fact that I could be smacked at any time. Maybe I would become a witch on a milk carton coming up as missing or something. I was tired of shit, and it was time for some damn answers, no matter how I had to get them. I sat looking at him and he sat quietly pulling on his cigar, the silence lengthening between us. Finally he smiled and spoke. “You have always had fire, even when you came before me as a child. The mundane, you were meek and mild and yet when it came to matters of the spirit, you had fire. I’ve always admired that. You show no fear even when those who have more experience bow and scrape as lap dogs in the hope that I will provide some sort of service to them. “ He paused. “You have no ideas of all the keys you possess that others would do just about anything for, and yet, you use them as you will without even thinking about them”. “Who does that”?” he asked. I shrugged. “I do as I’ve always done”, I said. “things that Maman has shown me, things that I seem to know without knowing why that is, and other things I’ve learned. But we know all this. What I want to know is the why. Why dammit!?! Why do I do the things you ask without question,. Why do I still reach out when I know that sometimes it will not be welcomed, but is still necessary?” “You cannot heal the whole world, cher, “he said. “But you do help provide the balance for those who walk on a plane that is different than yours. You are one of those fortunate enough to cross at will, to do what needs to be done on either side. It’s why there are those who seek you out”. “You are one of those walkers who provide the balance that is needed on either side. A powerful weapon if one cared to use it as such”. I shook my head…”now who does that”, I asked. He laughed. “I think you may have run across a few who would love to know how to work that trick of the mirror. “. “Portals, tools..nothing more”, I said dismissively. “To you, yes. For you have no need of weapons. But to others, they can be used as such”. I agreed, for it’s the reason the mirrors in my home always have sigils on them to break the plane, in case someone is more than a little curious. We sat in silence a little longer. “Come Cher”, he said. “let’s have a drink”. “You know that always fucks with my head when I drink with you”, I laughed. He laughed as well. “I promise to allow you to set your own limit”. So we sat, drink in hand, listening to the waves. I looked up at the stars, shining brightly like little diamonds , and the atmosphere seemed changed. Less angry and more peaceful. “I’m sorry I yelled”, I said. He shrugged. “You are unsettled and demanded to be shown some things. Perhaps not as much as you would like, but we can speak our minds n’est pas” I shook my head in agreement. “Besides, its more than a little amusing for you to come in charging much as a fierce dragon”.he laughed. Awaking this morning, I am reminded that some things are not easy, nor will answers always come when we demand them. I was just reminded of things that I already knew, and maybe that in itself was an answer.
Moving and memories
So yeah. This has been long week, and will be longer still since I work for a bit tomorrow. To top it off I am moving. Not that I want to, but the trailer park that I’ve lived in for over 12 years is being sold. All of my little people have lived here, family has been in and out, and now I have to start over. It’s not like I am moving way far away..just an hr down the road, longer drive for work//minor inconveniences. One would think at this point in my life that starting over would not be so scary, but it is. I am sorting through things, trashing some, storing others and taking a little with me. Why not just do a sort and move it all? Well I might have considered that if I wasn’t moving in with my daughter and her husband until I decide what I want to do next. So it truly wont be my home, or even feel like it. I guess that is what has me in a meltdown kind of mood atm. I think I’m took old for all this stress shit. It’s shown up in the cold sores on my lips, the chest pain that has been relieved by the nitro..but short of knocking myself out, I can’t staunch the flow of tears. As I have gone through things, I find things that belonged to my parents that I had sitting out as a remembrance…they go to storage. My son’s belongings are here until he is able to come and retrieve them. Also storage. My corner..the one with altar, herbs, etc…majority of it will go to storage as well with just a traveling altar that I usually carry on trips will go with me. That makes me sad because most of what makes me feel comfortable will not be around me. It may be temporary thing, but it sure feels like a knife between the shoulder blades. But as I continue to sort, I have also let go of things that no longer function for me either in the mundane or pathwise. A friend on FB has a blog/newsletter that he emails out and this week’s was about letting go of “stuff”. Since the move this weekend wasn’t unexpected, it hit right on time. So I began a purge. Finding shineys that I thought I HAD to have in the beginning of this walk, books that I havent read in a long time, and probably will never open again, so they will be passed along. Herbs that were forgotten and are beyond a time that I use them will be burned later on this weekend. My own personal ritual of sorts in letting go. It’s all been a little overwhelming. Ya’ll remember I have control issues, so yeah…its freaking me the fuck out. But I’ll live, let go of things and move on to another chapter, whatever that brings. So looking at brighter side of things..here is to new beginnings…SLAINTE’