Amethyst's Offerings

There has been a discussion of some sorts about why pagans feel the need for acceptance. .  Its in our genetic make up because as human beings, we require socialization and contact with others.  If we do not receive this, then we seek it out elsewhere.  This is how cliques form, bullies get their entourage and cults are formed.  We go where we can feel that we are enclosed in this little capsule of “acceptance”.  We seek out those who are similar in values, clothes, paths, etc. This is to give us a feeling of value of self-worth.  It’s ingrained in us in our upbringing that we should seek out playmates, friends etc that are similar in our values we are raised with us, our cultural upbringing, religious faiths.  And so we do.  Some of us do not feel that we have to have that closeness in our lives, yet we do still seek out others who accept us for who we are.  It’s important to note that pagans are not the only ones who require this acceptance…in truth because we are considered a “minority” faith, then yes, we do tend to seek other pagans out..but then again, so do other faiths.  Hassidic Jews do not socialize with others outside their faith, others are taught to not marry outside their faith, others still in India marry within their caste or class..All humans need love and appreciation, acceptance if you will, so when one thinks that others seem to be willing to put up with carp from others, you may be right..but its their way of obtaining what they seek in their emotional life.

That title has long been mine for as long as I can remember.  My friends have come to love and loathe it.  I’ve always been placed in “counselor” role  from an early age.  Maybe its because from past habits of growing up in abusive military household, one tends to keep one’s self out of the fray.  It’s easier to observe that way.  One can see both sides of the situation, see where blame might be on both sides and voice a way to a solution.  It’s hard when both sides want to be right, or one side is actually completely right..but I dont take sides..just call it as I see it.  Sometimes that can be hard place, sort of like being between that and the rock..because sometimes the parties involved dont want to listen to reason..they just want to be right.  What usually happens when this situation occurs and people get pissy is that I walk..away…sometimes for longer than they care for me to.  so generally after things quiet down, we talk it out..I’ve learned to pick my battles and the small stuff..not worth it.  But for last few days, I’ve had to listen to a voice of reason(yeah you know who you are).  I’ve been off kilter from the dream, which the voice tells me is me thinking it too hard.  She was right…once I stopped, spun it a little bit, then it fell into place.  Then there have been other niggling things come up and again the voice is there to present some other scenarios, and voila!  It’s making me laugh because I’m like..WTF…I’m trying to be mad here…what ARE you doing? ROFL..what the voice is doing in fact is what I do…present the big picture so someone doesnt make an ass of themselves and react harshly and then have to regret it.  It’s helped me regain my sense of balance, my sense of humor, and while the voice thinks that they havent done anything of much importance..I want to say “THANKS”…

You know we all view things from our own little corner of the world.  It’s based upon life experiences, knowledge we have gained, and things we see on a regular basis.  In saying that, I get a little crazy over people(who should know better imho) judging others by their own personal yardsticks.  Viewing how someone dresses, what they believe makes as much sense to me as a screen door on a submarine.  It’s stupid.  If you think people are EMO because of dress, and not spiritual, or that witches are mostly fluff…what does that make you?  Is your personal viewpoint any more valid than theirs? Even if you do not understand it, or agree with it, it is their POV that makes it valid. In their world. i like the etymology of the word “witch” myself..sometimes the label is used for shock value when I’m messing with people’s head…but I dont consider those who do not practice witchcraft a witch, for that would kind of silly since that is its meaning.  Wise woman.. I like to think that applies to me and my path…but its my perspective..my path, and what I do on it is MY business.  So while we may laugh at those who come and claim to be a reborn ‘fairy, dragon, insert otherkin here”, and know that they have much to learn..they are seeking in their own way..and from their perspective, it makes sense.  So walk your path, apply your own spiritual yardstick to your own beliefs and let others do the same.

I’ve been doing some thinking lately..(I know for those of you who read this often and know me personally..that can be a scary thing).  The thinking and dreams have me in a introspective mood.  I watch others having conversations and feel like I am a ghost of myself just observing..even if I may take part.  Kind of plays on ones insecurities at times..”would they notice if I never showed up”… We all have those moments where we have to stop and take stock of where we are, what we’re doing and where the hell to go from here.  I am not a fan of this mood actually because it makes me rethink EVERYTHING in my life from family, friends, spirituality.  It’s not that it doesn’t need done, but that its hard work dammit! Some relationships that seem horribly mangled, one wonders how we will ever untangle them, to make them work again, others we want to walk away from and yet seem unable to take that first step.  And what of the path? I’ve been lazy..I know that..I thought that I was ‘fine” with the status quo, but like our physical bodies, one must exercise the spiritual life as well to keep it in shape.  So how to “fix” that?  I guess it starts with..what exactly do I hope to gain from it?  Do I want to feel more at peace in my daily walk?..if so, then I need to fix the meditation schedule and work from within.  Do I want to add more knowledge?  then I better start listening to what goes on around me and culling those with nothing to offer, and doing some more reading in the direction I wish to go.  Sometimes its hard to look in the mirror and decide its time for a change.  We are so used to being where we are that we get stuck in that rut and fear keeps us from moving forward.  FEAR!!! What is so scary about tweaking things a bit? Oh yeah..the “unknown” aspect of it all.  And yet, we can’t use that as an excuse to remain ignorant and lazy in our lives. And it can really suck when we have people around us in the same mood(yeah we shop at the same place,lol)..But I like to think that we are often growing together, not necessarily in the same direction, but that the ability to express who we are to someone who understands makes the difference some times.  So..what to do? Deal with things best we can, keep seeking, keep talking to those who will listen, and above all, don’t be too hard on ourselves because we are human after all, and sometimes we just don’t get it right the first time.

I am a mess today. My emotions go from anger, cranky to almost in tears. I have a headache that comes and goes..and its all the dreams fault,lol. I had one that tells me something and I have yet to decipher it so its thrown me of kilter. We all dream, and they speak to us about things in our lives, things we need to know or sometimes they are just to amuse. The things we see in them are not always as they appear..death is about change, water can be life or death depending upon whom you ask. Jung described it as our collective unconsciousness..we are solving issues in our lives through the dreams. So the next time you get one of those that have left you wondering? Write it down, if you dont know anyone to spin it with, get a dream dictionary(even one online) and look for symbols among them then relate it to what is going on in your life. It’s to tell you something, and its better to listen or we might miss out on something important.

The universe never cease to amaze me in the way balance is achieved. In my busy running around of making sure the princess has all she needs and is healthy while her mom works, I got hit with 2 pieces of news. One friend lost her mom today. Wasnt unexpected..she has been ill for almost a year now, but still my heart grieves for her and her family in their loss. The other news came from another friend who had a health scare and the test results came back in her favor. I am excited about this because she has enough on her plate. I am reminded of the balance upon reflection of these two events, Death/life, happy/sad, everything that exemplifies what the universe is about. We dont often stop and look for these happenings in our lives, and its not often that one gets both halves in one day. Kind of makes our mundane day to day problems of “I didnt sleep well”, “I am in pain” etc..(endless list here) seem insignificant when we get to see both halves of the universe presented to us in a big way. I could whine about things that go wrong in my life, but what would be the point? I know that eventually there will be balance and I will not feel so stressed. To my friend Jan..I wish you blessings of peace. may you find solace in the love that surrounds you. To my friend Sunshine…I rejoice with you and am grateful that things are being reaffirmed in your life. Love you both.

OMFG I have run into the weirdest people as of late. Is it the heat making them act so intelligence challenged or what? I go and have a pleasant playdate with the princess in the Buffalo Park in Tupelo. She loved it, we had a great time.(pix posted on FB) On to lunch after major hand washing since she actually got to feed said animals which was very cool..where else you gonna talk to a water buffalo named Cheech? We get to the restaurant, where they have a great buffet usually, and our waitress seemed a little harried, so finally after getting drinks, we go get our food. Now it was hot(indexes at 112), so Brae and I got drinks before leaving the park..her mother did not, so she drank hers rather quickly, and we asked the waitress in passing if we could get another. “Sure” is her response, on she goes..gets the pitcher of tea, serves 2 others in another section and replaces said pitcher without returning to our corner. So I see her clearing a table a table close by us, and I ask..”Can we get some more tea?”..She again says “sure”..I say…”that’s what you said 5 minutes ago”..So she goes and gets the tea..gets in my daughter’s face, and says “you want some tea?”..Anyone knowing Robyn knows that isnt a good thing, getting close enough to be hit..but she just said yes, and the woman, looked at me and said”I’ve been so busy..will you forgive me today”..Umm yeah, Brigid’s cross around my neck in plain view,pagan heart that is in no mood for stupidity and my son in law on the other side who has been on the receiving end of ass kickings from me(I call him yankee trash when I am pissy) is trying not to laugh..I just look at her. She walks away to finally give table on other side their drinks which they had been trying to get since they sat down. Then she is stupid enough to come back!!! SIL is about to lose it, because hello, I thought I made it clear I wasnt happy with her service to start with..and proceeds to tell me that she has this whole section etc etc. Now anyone who knows me, and those who dont soon learn. I do NOT buy excuses from anyone as to why they cannot accomplish what they are supposed to do. I can accept that sometimes things happen beyond our control, but to not do your job because what you have to do is expected of you..well….suck it up cupcake. I look at the woman like she has gone mental, and tell her..sorry, it’s your job, no excuses..turn back to my meal, and tell my daughter to finish up because we won’t be staying long,lol. So we leave…but I’m still ticked, so I left nice message for them at their corporate office. This was just ridiculous. Then we get home, the princess goes out and talks with kids across the street, and they again invite her to church. FFS..She is 5..has no clue that their brand of fundamental rhetoric is cult-like and that they would indeed tell her nana (not to her face of course)that she is going to hell..if such a place existed. I dont go out of my way to antagonize people, and even though I disagree with my neighbors beliefs, I am not rude to them, and dont mind the kids playing together. What I do mind is that they feel the need to “collect” every child not affiliated with a church of some kind because that is how they are going to ‘save” the world. My princess knows her nana does magic..She wants to “say the words”..and truthfully, sometimes her little positive self is a boost in what I am working. We light candles as I explain what the color means and whom I am lighting for..She loves when we light for Sunshine…she says it looks lovely..I tell her its full of love for our friend. She likes that. I want her to grow up knowing that people are entitled to their own beliefs without having to be collected as if they are in need of being saved from the big bad world. We live here..it’s our job to make it more positive..without excuses as to why we can’t.

Well, let me just preface that question with a “it depends upon how pissed off I am today”… umm yeah that was joke..or was it? .I was reading today on pagan boards ..One question today was :”Is there color in magic”? I’ve read so many of the …if one violates harm none or does a ‘death spell”..(yeah they exist..dont know of anyone who has successfully done one)*shrugs* just saying…then that is “black” magic, and against all witches principles. Says who? It all comes down to one’s own personal code of ethics. In wicca, which Gardner set up and made up the terms “harm none” and the “3-fold law” in the 50’s, people refuse to evolve past that which served for a time. I keep hearing all the time that one can be wiccan and not be initiated(which is a whole nother blog in itself), then why would you constantly stick to that which is obviously made up fluff? Personally, I think that old Gerald and his co-horts pushed the envelope of what was the norm back in the day and was afraid to cross over that line in the sand they drew for themselves, so it kind of became “law”. Now, many speak of Crowley who started the Golden Dawn, and had great influence on many people, including Gardner, David Bowie, Ozzy Osbourne among others,as one who practiced “black” magic, because his made up prose was “do as you will”. I basically like his better because it essentially says, if you can live with it, go ahead and do it. It is your personal responsibility..your own personal line in the sand. There,in truth, is no color to magic. It all comes down to the one who is practicing. (And yes, I spelled it magic..because its pretentious to add the “k” or “j” like some do’..its a manipulation of energy people, no matter how you spell it). Nature is made up of balanced symmetry. One has to have light to balance out the shadows. So why would you limit yourself to not walking down both halves of self? We all have a shadow side..that part that we keep hidden from others, the one that we sometimes think that if we let others see, they would either run screaming the other way, or hide in the corner whimpering at what they found there. Sometimes we have to reach inside that other half to allow us to move forward on our paths. I used to be afraid of that side,,all the anger that resides there about life, but now I know that I can use that at will to achieve my goals. Some divide this as “right hand path vs left hand path..black/white..and yet I have found that life is not absolutes. It has many shades of gray and what I would do, you might not, and vice versa. In my opinion, which in this blog is only one that counts, I feel that too many people get hung up on all the labels of what is and is not good/evil. do I believe that there are things out there beyond redemption? hell to the yeah. Do I think that there are things that I would not do to someone or for someone when working….my personal ethics say I have to leave them breathing…:)…Its time to stop trying to define what magic is or isnt ..It all comes down to your own personal yardstick, and if you can live with it…more power to you.
Peace out……

Ok, ya’ll know how I am, perusuing pagan pages and such, reading..from some pretty awesome people by and large, and yet every now and again, some stupid fucktard opens his mouth..and voila! a new blog is born,lol
Thing is, someone asked why pagan peeps prefer to go under a pseudonym when they are either online or meeting within confines of pagan communities. Now the short version of that is that sometimes, its more for protection, because some employers, family etc would not understand our chosen spiritual path. Much like people who were executed in the 1600s who were not witches, the same still applies. Still others use it as definition of who they are spiritually and still others use it as more of a “working title”. Yet this fucktard I speak of throws in race..RACE!!! in this day and age..we STILL have to speak of race issues. Living in the south, I get a lot of grief because truthfully, people dont know what to make of me. Then they get to know me a little better..read few of my writings and decide..hmm, ok, she’s not what I thought.(Some are grateful that I am what they thought, which is cool too) Now I know that in the “real” world this crap still exists, but I would hope that in the pagan community this could be put to rest..apparently not. Then we get the little fluff without a clue who states that “the goddess loves us all, no matter what outsiders think” WTF!?!?!? Did she not just read and comment on the same thread I was at? Did she not see the slam directed at one of the wisest black women I know? Yeah, in truth, the comment in utopia would be ideal, but hello..earth to fluff without a clue..this is the real world, even online people are the same. In fact, they have a tendency to say things and behave worse because of the anonymity one gets. A feeling of self-superiority to do what one desires without being held accountable. They slur against race, sexuality, economic standings..whatever floats their boat without feeling the ramifications of the pain they just inflicted. It makes me want to puke. How dare they pollute the air of where I am, and hurt others I respect? I would hope that one day in the not too distant future, my princess and her cousins will not know what this crap is, or have to deal with it. In the mean time, I am going to protect them all I can and may the gods have mercy upon those who decide to pollute that sanctuary I create with their hateful energy…it will not be a pretty sight when I am through with them.

Seriously..wtf is wrong with people? Do they go out of their way to write blogs and post and hope that nobody sees their crap? They spout rubbish as truth and then wonder why nobody wants to take anyone who claims the label “pagan” seriously. I read a blog tonight that compared pagan/christians as like comparing apples to toasters. Are you serious? They claim that personal experience trumps anything dealing with education of your path. That would be UPG or Unverified Personal Gnosis. There are no authoritative texts..and on that she is correct, however, there are plenty of info around for one to at least educate yourself in what it is you would like to believe in. She thinks that looking for common ground between paths is a useless venture. I disagree. why, you may ask. Respect!!! We keep looking for what makes us different…Across the world, people see color, faith, sexuality, etc. why not look for some commonalities? We are one race…HUMAN. Paganism is not ONE path, but as I’ve stated before, an “umbrella” term for many other paths. I was reading this hot mess when it struck me…damn! This woman is serious in what she is writing here. How silly for someone to be that naive in their thinking that paganism is a faith unto itself. And what is truly sad is that she is teaching this drivel to her young. She thinks that it’s an “us” against “them” mentality and I want to challenge that thinking. We all have to live in this world…why make it any harder than it already is for people? Why make yourself the stumbling block to someone who may perchance have been seeking a little something and run across your trash on the web posted in the guise as a helpful work? Think before you speak people. Stop forcefeeding fluff to the seekers..those who dont know any better to look at you and say “really? It’s tiring sometimes to read a lot of things, and I’m sure others may not like hearing what I have to say..solution? don’t read it..simple as that. But I’m going to keep speaking out against fluff and ignorance every chance iIcan and hope to the gods someone starts paying attention sometime soon.

Peace Out