Amethyst's Offerings

The past couple days have had me off center, which I hate. I am little OCD about order and balance.   Work after almost 3 weeks off was more than a little draining, not to mention having to be there without missing time to claim holiday pay…yeah if you’ve never worked in a garment factory for piece rate..think Norma Rae and sweat shops and you get the idea.  Anyway, got out of there in 3 days of hard work.  Life at home is complicated…I live with my ex… Don’t ask…that is a complicated situation.  He and I were done, but he got seriously ill, nobody to take care of him, handle all his medical issues, so..I step in…I don’t know if I’m a glutton for punishment, but I do know that I seem to to the “right” thing about family matters.  It’s just something I’ve done. He lives here, in my house, along with one daughter and her husband, and our princess.  There are days when I want to run away, but obligations hold me …even if I did manage to carve out some time for myself, I would worry, so why bother trying.  Also this week,I’ve been dealing with a contentious person .  We’ll just agree to disagree I guess, but am through trying to deal with the situation…It’s not worth my sanity nor the crap.  Poof!  Done.  I’ve had friends who need someone to listen to..I do…always have..but wonder sometimes where is that release for myself?

So things are quiet, the princess and Robert are sleeping,  daughter is at work, and I have space to breathe.  What to do with some newly found “me” time?  I light some candles, set up some incense to relax the space and listen to some music.  All to quiet my soul. And now I am able to write, which is my release.  A friend has graciously provided the space so that I can release what needs to be..some I publish, others I don’t, but the space is there.  All the time growing up, I have written down my thoughts.  sometimes in poems, other times like this, as a journal of sorts.  Either way, it has provided a way to be able to put out to the universe what needed to be said, a way of releasing emotions that if said to others might not be interpreted correctly.  Not that words on paper can’t be misinterpreted,but I don’t see ones expression as you read, and definitely not in range of something physical happening…yeah that’s history, but it no longer has the power to cause the pain it once did.  I’m grateful to that teacher way back when who recognized that writing was my outlet, my salvation of sorts to help keep me centered to tolerate life in the shadows.  I’ve learned to like the shadows actually..they kept me out of sight, away from harm and provided sanctuary..but as I’ve written and published some of these things, its pulled me out more to the light.  so I stand here blinking from the sudden glare and wonder what I’ve opened up(another can of worms ).  Sometimes what I say can benefit others, sometimes like this one, its just to put my thoughts on paper and release all the bottled up emotions from the week.  We all need a way to decompress…to find a way to set our feet back down on the ground, and let the stress of life (or something akin to that) slide right off.  I’m going to listen to the music, chat with some friends and then sleep, maybe dream, who knows…and start over again tomorrow with a fresh outlook, more balance and less worry than I had today..that is the ultimate goal…new beginnings.

There are many on pagan paths who will not practice witchcraft, and that’s fine for them I guess, but I feel that for many who came from another path, its more of a holdover from a christian perspective.  After all, their dogma says  witches are ‘evil”.  There are also those who only practice witchcraft without any spiritual path connected, and that works for them too.  My path incorporates both, because it reflects who I am.  But as in all things…there is always the debate on where to draw the line.  Do you hex?  or heal? Personally, I feel one has to be able to do both because its a balance.  As for those who subscribe to the “harm none”..I say I am pagan..doesn’t apply to me. My personal line in the sand says I have to leave them breathing(and even that is open to debate depending upon the situation).  I will protect what is mine at all times..”Don’t start none..won’t be none”…It’s a personal perspective for everyone.  I’ve seen people offer up spells to just anyone, and authors write books for the masses, and give no thought to those who might buy it, using them without knowing anything.  As for those who spout “harm none”..how does that fall within that frame?If one truly believed in that, would you not have some sort of ethics that made sure nobody was harmed?  In these times, its all about making paper…or prestige, or a lot of other ego boosting things, with no thought to how it may affect others.  I have real problems with that.  A lot of authors out there spew fluff..things so seriously silly that one with a little knowledge has to read more than once in disbelief, and yet those seeking have no idea that its garbage and takes it as truth.    I know that as humans, being the fallible things that we are, sometimes egos get in the way, and ethics get tossed by the wayside, but if one is following a spiritual path, then should not one try to incorporate that into the path?   Like the showing/teaching of various terms used interchangeably by wiccan/pagan alike such as the Merry meet, merry Part, and blessed be routine.  First…MM, MP..should only be extended to those in like paths.  It implies membership in ritual settings, covens in other words.  Blessed be is full five fold kiss..also done in a ritualistic setting…so to hear people throw those around because they assume  that is how its done or someone told them or showed them that is troubling.  The one who passed on” knowledge” did a disservice to others..”harmed” because they didn’t teach the truth.  So to see it done by those online is laughable certainly, since they did not go and seek truth, but its more than a little sad, because 1.  they didn’t seek truth, and 2. that they come off looking like fluff.  Or the calling of others  one meets(especially online) in pagan settings, i.e. social networks, chats, etc…”sis/sister”, Bro/brother”..Seriously?  First, let me get my personal rant out of the way…I am a solitary witch..that means I don’t have any affiliation with any type of coven setting..DO NOT give me any of the above mentioned greetings, and DO NOT EVER call me sis/sister.  We aren’t related, majority of ya’ll I have never met, do not speak with on a regular basis, and are not family..so I have real issues with this.  With that being said, if you and your friends want to do this, who am I to say stop..it’s not like it’s hurting anyone really..it just is a little more than pretentious is all,lol.  Are there people outside of a familial setting I consider to be family?  Yes..because when I needed them to be there..they were, expecting nothing in return. I hope to return that favor as they need it.  My own personal code of ethics..treat others with respect, to receive that in return and help as I can.  I take issue with those who hold things as some great mystery…ok, some paths have a long ass lineage..but in truth, things can be learned by the seeking out history from a great many sources , including teachers. Just don’t make it seem like fluff by wanting to charge others for what they could easily learn for themselves.  So if you truly want to walk a wiccan or pagan path, decide where your line in the sand is.  Learn where and how your path started..do you want it to be spiritual for you, or just hit the witchcraft ..and there are those who practice it as a ritualistic form….but learn from ethical teachers…People who teach truth and history of things..not some ego trashed ignoramus who just wants to make a buck (or thousand three or four) and take advantage of those who don’t know any better.

Peace Out.

I’ve spoken before about shadow work and how beneficial it has been to me, so I though I would share some of what that entails.  Shadow work, as I use it, is to focus on past fears, tragedies, and put them into a more manageable form in order to heal myself.  It’s a form of NLP(neuro-linguistic program developed by Richard Brander and John Grinder).  This program was developed to help overcome phobias, depression, habit disorder among other things.  It has various ways of being used, but here is how it works for me.  I sit in a darkened room with candles lit and incense going.  I try and use a relaxing scent such as lavender or jasmine.  I then close my eyes and watch the movie of my life. I see that scared child and the traumas.  Only as I watch the scenes play out before me ,  I am removed from the pain and fear.  I sit and watch and see where things could have been changed, It’s by seeing things as they were, am I able to realize how they can be now.  I am no longer that person, full of fear, dreading the future growth  of self and path.  It takes a bit to be able to get past the emotions and may take several attempts as it does anything else one tries, but I have found that without work, then one loses center and everything about your path suffers.  Truthfully without  learning to find that release, everything suffers, but I am speaking pathwise today since we have discussed other aspects of life in other blogs.  Take the time to ferret out those memories that hang us out to dry in the most inopportune time, spend some time watching the “reels” and let it all go…it’s worth it…

I invite you to a world where there is no such thing as time
And every creature lends themselves to change your state of mind
And the girl that chased the rabbit drank the wine and took the pill
Has locked herself in limbo to see how it truly feels

To stand outside your virtue
No one can ever hurt you
Or so they say

Shinedown

We all are familiar with Lewis Carroll ‘s book of Alice In Wonderland, as well as turned on a new generation with the movie.  Alice is bored with life so goes chasing rabbits.  Amazing how we often go chasing wild hares ourselves metaphorically in life.  We often seek things to fill up that place inside us that seems to be lacking.  Some use drugs,  religion, others use sex, still others harm themselves by cutting, etc.  At first it is almost orgasmic in the fulfillment, but then as the glory fades, it gets to be a vicious cycle trying to end the pain of the mundane .  We believe the things said about us, see what they think they see in our mirrors, and in the end…we are cheated….because we are caught up in the cycle of pain and need that we cant see how things could be if we allowed it.  We give others the power to sway the way we think and feel about ourselves.  We fall into the trap of trying to be someone we aren’t and it just causes more confusion, anger and hurt..in the end..more pain.  I see bright, beautiful people still trying to live up to other’s expectations, because that inner voice inside has not been kicked to the curb.  It takes a lot of shadow work on ourselves to be able to kick those inner demons that told us we were less than perfect.  And sometimes even in the oddest of moments and time, they rear their ugly heads yet again.  I’ve seen people fall to pieces in the strangest of places and situations because of something from the past that colors the perceptions of the present.  So how to deal with this?  I wish there was one simple answer, but in the long run, one has to stand up, look at the person in the mirror and take back your power.  Learn to like and respect that person staring back at you.  Learn that nobody is perfect and that life is not fair…some days you are the bug, some days the windshield.  Realize that not everybody is going to like you for various reasons..and that’s ok…we don’t have to like them either. It is our power as a human being, worthy of respect.  We have value and substance to offer the universe..never let anyone try and convince you differently.  They too have those voices…some just like to pretend they don’t…and its those who try and usurp power from others to try and make themselves feel better.  That too doesn’t work..and so they have to keep trying to up it even higher..can get pretty nasty.  What to do?  Run the hell away from that mess..it is so not worth the trouble, and pat yourself on the back for an escape well done.  Be who you are meant to be,live as you are meant to live, answer to NO ONE!!! You and you alone are the one in charge of your life…reach out and grab hold  of that lifeline and go for the ride of your life.  Life is for the living..otherwise its just existing.

 

I’ve been thinking about labels today and how we as humans like to hang them upon ourselves.  They have a purpose of course, for the most part, because they give us a point of reference in which to start.  We get started on this from an early age…school teaches us ..”which of these is the same”…shoes match, clothes..etc..So that is a surface label.  Then of course, it becomes societal, as far as ethnicity, religion, class, are concerned.  We all use labels.  For better or worse, we get stuck with them sometimes.  It’s when we try and label ourselves that we get into trouble at times.  I mean the “I am the mage of whateverfuck village and I’m here to make your life resplendent with glitter and pink unicorns” is a little much don’t you think? Someone seriously needs psychotropic drugs or they need to cut back on whatever in the hell they’re smoking.  I know that is a little extreme in labeling, but in truth, I have seen some go that far.  So what is the purpose of labeling ones self?  To stroke ones ego..well that goes without saying…to gain respect…maybe if you find someone gullible enough to believe you are what you say you are.  Prestige? Money? Power? Maybe to all three if you again find those that do not see the truth in who you are.  So again..what is the point?  Why try and hang a label that you have not earned, or made up around one’s neck?  It’s like placing a “kick me” sign on your back and inviting everyone to do just that.  Those with knowledge will not accept who you are, will not listen to you even if you make sense(which is highly doubtful if you’re labeling yourself).  Those seeking will wonder if what you promised to do for them does not materialize.  So in reality..the label becomes a millstone.  One with which to carry and hope like hell a flood doesn’t happen or you will drown under the weight.  Funny thing about labels..they are a bitch to get rid of.   You get labeled something growing up and see how 20 yrs down the road people still think of you that way even if it isn’t true.  Same as the label you gift yourself with.  Try and change your mind about things later and see how many people remember that just last week, you were something else.   So maybe in the long run.. maybe we should just stick with who we are, however imperfect that may be.  It sure would make life easier than to have to admit maybe we were wrong about labeling ourselves “perfect”.

Peace Out

I was reading an article about Jane Fonda and her fallout with QVC over her previous escapades in the Viet Nam war.  Seems people been complaining that they should have nothing to do with her because she went to Viet Nam in 1972, and how she propagandized the POWs, helping the Vietnamese in their claims of “nobody gets hurt” Her excuse is that both sides used the POWs, and while I am sure that is true, there are some things just not done…Rumors and tales get passed on as fact and the whole thing gets a life of its own.   Continue reading How long is long enough?

I’ve been speaking with some about paths, which in itself can be a touchy thing because we all have different opinions on it.  Here is what I feel.  We all have a destination..have to have because the journey we are on is life.  Some feel the need to be initiated and be in a setting where they are connected with like minded people following the same direction.  This isn’t always a pagan thing..I consider joining a church in much the same light.  The “initiation” is what is required to join the church be it baptism, letter, but still joining with like minded people going in the same direction.  Some of us like to go on our own way, in a more solitary manner, studying, seeking and sometimes joining up with others to discuss things .  Either way is acceptable to me.  It depends upon the person and how they approach their path.  But my question is for those seeking..what is it you seek?  What do you want out of a spiritual path that calls you?  Is it that mainstream faiths don’t give you solace in your life?  Is that why you follow a pagan path?  I know some seek things out because they want to rebel against societal faiths(those would be Abrahamic faiths), or do you really feel a connectedness to the universe. My take is, after walking a somewhat christian path for a time, is that my soul is freer than at any time I can remember ..I always felt that connection to earth and center..and while fitting in with those around me, I lost part of myself.  But that is my reason for seeking..and its a daily process. Sometimes people use the path as a way of finding themselves, through learning more of where their ancestors are from and connecting that way..still others pull out a book, see something that piques their interest and goes that route.  I don’t have a set answer as to which way is correct…as I said, its a personal thing.  What I do know is that one book does not a path make.  Not one link, not one answer..it takes a collective layering of information, practice and seeking to help develop that path..any path.  One needs to be proactive in maintaining the information you take in and verify that its accurate and applies to you.  Some people don’t seem to grasp that concept.  They expect to get spoonfed all the info without taking the time to digest it and take in what they really need and discarding the rest.   They also don’t always check out where they get that info, and that is just amazing to me.  Why when this is supposed to be about something so significant in your life(and if its not..why not?)would you not check out what you’re hearing or learning?  I ask this on all paths, because pagans are not the only ones who tend to sit and stay silent while people throw things out and it makes no sense sometimes.  I’ve seen people sit on church pews and listen to someone espouse hate and bigotry in the name of god and people swallow it up without comment.  Pagans are the same. Because people are people, no matter our paths.  If we are involved with a group, and there is a set leader, then majority of the time, people do not question what is said..don’t even call them on the bullshit even when one knows its bullshit.  I’ve seen it on several pagan boards, and yet people sit still and let the asshats run their mouths.  I don’t get that.  Maybe its because I have control issues..don’t get me started on that one,lol…or maybe it’s because I have worked so hard to appreciate the woman I have become and what works for me.  I don’t know…All I do in fact know is that I cannot sit by and listen to bullshit.  I’m pretty careful friending those who have knowledge..sometimes appearances aren’t all they seem to be..so I get to know others before I join groups…It wasn’t always that way..back in the day, I was like a lot of new seeker, and joined a group looking for knowledge..was mostly a waste of time.  So I stopped going to the groups..started reading and doing research for myself.  In the long run, it helped me grow as a person, and on my path, because I found that just because there are books out there..not all authors are on the same level.  I’ve come to recognize enough to know which ones to avoid, been lucky enough to make new friends who offer links, book recommendations and that I have learned enough about myself that I can tune out the bullshit.  That might be beneficial to ones who come seeking.  Ask yourself why it is you find yourself where you are..what you hope to obtain and where you want to go.  Because in the long run, you will then find out who you are and are destined to become.

Today I had another blog in mind..one that spilled all my inner emotions out.  It was a letter to my mom who passed 2 yrs ago next week.  I had a lot of unresolved things in that relationship, and so I wrote things I needed to say but could not say at the time of her passing.  it’s really cathartic to be able to write and post(privately) and get things off one’s chest.  I think we all need to be able to do that because sometimes, we cant tell people what is going on because of fear or some other deep seated neurosis.  But I am better after the “telling’ so to speak, and for that I am grateful that I have friends who encourage me to do so, and reach out as they can to help me through issues.

Peace out.

Ever feel like you need a change, but aren’t sure what that is?  Yeah..that’s me.  It’s like you’ve spent too much time in the kiddie pool with all the juvenile behaviors and it wears on the spirit.  But what to change?  What direction?  That is what the issue is for me I guess.  I know that some things cannot continue as they are, so must change, but to change for change sake is not a good move either.  Things need to be formulated and worked so that the change is smooth and harmonious.  I felt that I was settled with just what I needed to squeak by(I don’t know anyone who says their world is perfect..if they do, they are lying to everyone, including themselves).  But apparently, there still needs to be some tweaking.  So, I’m going to take a step back and look at the big picture and see what isnt working, and remove the chaff because I dont need the aggravation anymore..Life is too short to dwell on the mundane crap we all seem to get caught up in.